My current 180 is getting up at 5:45 am and going for a 3 mile walk with my friend. This SO NOT LIKE ME! Ive always been a night owl and not a morning person. I think its throwing him off a bit and I'm enjoying it anyway so win -win so far.... I have a solution oriented IC I can see if I need to. I had 6 or so sessions with her and we agreed I didn't need to go back right now because I had all the tools I needed to work on this.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
H left for Indiana tonight for his grandmother's funeral. He comes back Wednesday. I leave on Wednesday for a fun trip to NYC with my cousin, coming home Saturday. We won't see one another for a week, which I don't think has ever happened in 13 years of being together. I think the timing of all of this is very good....I think the time apart will be good for both of us (though I'm missing him a lot right now). I gave him a hug goodbye, we kissed briefly, I told him I loved him and to give my love to his family. He didn't say ILY back, which was upsetting, and while I knew I probably should not have said it anyway, I don't think anyone should leave for a long trip without knowing they are loved at home. (This goes back to a bad car accident my mom had several years ago....another long story, not for this board right now).
This is just a testament to my lack of patience with this whole process. We again had a pretty nice evening, got along, talked, laughed. I feel like we are friends, and I can't understand why trying to re-grow this relationship is more difficult than splitting up. I'm sure I'm going to get chastised on here for not detaching more. The week WILL get better as it goes on, of that I am absolutely sure. Tonight is hard.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
I also sent a sympathy card and a short handwritten letter to his mother today. I just told her I was sorry for her loss, that I'm sorry I couldn't be there, but the timing was difficult for me this week. That I know H has a soft heart and how it is important for him to be there and that it's important for him to go alone and spend time with his family (mom, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, etc). I also told her I loved being a part of her family and apologized if my words or actions ever led anyone to believe otherwise. (I know he told her that we were having problems....since I used to snoop his emails and text messages...and then he lied to me and told me he has told her nothing). Even if he never told her about our problems, I know she has noticed when I have seemed annoyed with being around his family, as recently as last Christmas. I told her I hope they all enjoy their time together and I look forward to when the kids and I can make the next gathering.
The letter was something I certainly would have done with or without our current problems. I love his mom, though the rest of his immediate family is very different than mine....they operate on a totally different way than mine does, which has been a recurring problem for BOTH of us. I adore his cousins and one set of aunt/uncle.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
AND my 180 this week will be not checking in with him. At all. The last time he took a long trip like this I insisted he let me know when he got somewhere and check in along the way home (hey, there were bad storms and he had one of the children with him)! I'm sure he will be on Facebook in the next few days, so I will know where he is, but I do not plan to text or call unless he does first. (Again this stems back to a car accident 13 years ago. When someone does not show up when they say they will, especially when these are people who are usually on time, I get freaked out, because bad things can and do actually happen). But I am past that now with my H.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
My victory tonight is that I am not the least bit worried about where he is on the road. Before this I would be fretting, waiting for him to call and say he had checked in for the night. Don't get me wrong, I want him to be just fine. But his current whereabouts are not ruling my evening.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
Just got a text from H. He stopped about halfway for the night and said goodnight. Taking EVERY ounce of restraint to not respond and say goodnight back but I'm gonna ignore it. Maybe have a glass of wine and acknowledge in the morning.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
Spoke on the phone with H last night about 45 min. He called first, asking how things were going at home. He was having a good trip, but I found it very funny that he complained about a couple of things that happened with his family, which are EXACTLY the types of things that have driven me crazy about them in the past. Of course I did not point this out to him, but I did wonder if not having me there as a distraction made it more apparent to him.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
More journaling until I get out of moderation...I sent a peace lily to the church from just me and the boys. H texted to say that was the only thing that made his mother cry. She also called me yesterday in response to my letter. She said she prays every day that we will be "okay" and that H and I belong together. She wants to call me more often to check in with me. I said it was fine for her to call but I didn't want to do anything that would "freak H out" or drive him farther away.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
Saturday was hard when I had to say goodbye. Today I haven't spoken to him or heard from him at all. And you know its almost been like a mini vacation. Even though I still went to work and ran around and made dinner and played games with the kids. Nothing holds a candle to the amount of stress there is in a strained R, and I didn't even realize it until it was removed.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
