So, after reading the Chapter on the Last Resort Technique, I find myself squarely in the middle of it.
Quick synopsis:
Married 9 years (will be 10 this month...could use some advice on how to handle that!) 2 children - 7 year old daughter and 16 month old adopted son
We've been miserable for the last 2 years (and making each other miserable). No real communication outside of frequent disagreements, fights, nasty exchanges. Was rebuffed sexually last summer and have had no significant physical contact since.
My spouse came to me at the end of March and suggested that I needed to move out to "give her space" and re-evaluate our relationship and whether or not we would be better as single people. I have since moved out completely, with most of my possessions with me, except for the stuff too big to move - like my mother's piano. I now reside in a 1 bedroom apartment with a lease expiration of next January about 20 minutes away from my former house.
i see my children 3x/week for bedtime and I have them for an overnight on Fridays. I typically see them on Staruday and Sunday as well.
My wife has adopted a business-like approach to our communication, mostly centered on our children. She prefers text and/or email to face to face and phone, presumably becuase she is trying to limit the amount of physical interaction we are having..
We have had a few negative situations happen where all of the old stuff came bubbling back up, most recently involving a mutual friend's son's birthday party. I was uncomfortable and embarrassed attending the party as i knew she knew our situation and I let my emotions get the best of me and I was rude to my spouse while there. She immediately got angry with me and asked me to leave, which i did. I later apologized but defintely a step in the wrong direction.
One other conversation of note happened last week where we a had a sit down to talk about a major thing happening (more on that later) and she said flat out that she was happier with this arrangement and felt better than she had in months, which, as the spouse hoping for reconciliation, was hard to hear and hard to take.
So, been trying to GAL and 180 as much as i can but I have a growing sense that time may be running out. Maybe not, but it sure seems like it. She has a busy summer planned with trips with the kids, none of which I am a part of, and there is the big bomb she dropped on me two weeks ago:
My wife has been fearing a layoff for a while and all signs are that it is/was imminent. Her former boss, who left the company a year a nd a half ago, has since made her an incredible job offer : 6 figure salary, bonus, equity, the works. It's everything she has worked for in her career (she is an attorney). The big gotcha is it is in Sunnyvale California. And she accepted the offer so she is moving to CA, most likely in August, with the children.
I have agreed to move as well - the custody battle to keep the kids here with me would be too much financially and emotionally and, my thought is, if we are to have a chance as succesful co-parents, it wouldn;t be the best for the children. Plus I might not win.
So, I feel like my odds of putting this back together have dropped precipitiously now that we are not only going to be physically separated but separated by 1000 miles, until I can get relocated.
Looking for some suggestions as to what to do here..carry on as is and hope for the best or exhibit more proactive behavior i.e. try to get a marriage counselor involved in the next few months, engage my wife in more meaningful conversations etc. Or some combo? Anyone else face this situation where your DB'ing is interrupted by something like this?
