Rick - I'm glad you are coming out the other end of this crap. You sound almost like a butterfly coming out of it's chrysalis. You've been bound up in your cocoon for a long time and now you are learning to spread your wings and fly.
Good for you. Enjoy the ride!
T2 - I was driving down the road today and saw my W although she didn't see me. I could see the vestiges of the girl inside struggling to get out and I remembered how beautiful she really is (you know, Molly Ringwald in her prime). I just noticed it but there was no emotional pain whatsoever for me, no feeling of whoa is me, etc. I can see her at a glance and pretty much know what she's feeling, that is of course since discovering I had horse blinders on and then taking them off. The struggle is so evident to me. Its hard to see it happen.
Rick I have been reading your thread as well as others. In my situation it has taking me nearly 2 years for me to be where you are at. My D was final last October and until recently, I was still in a path of destruction. I would follow MWD 's advice and somehow screw it up. I found that I would always try to justify my actions to suit my sitch. Guess what I found out , that after redaing and being on these boards for over two years. It 's the vets on here that I never listened too., and when I did things were good. They were good for me and good for my sitch even though I know that I will never get back my ex.' Now with being said reading and lurking on here for some length of time, everyone seems to be of the same opinion, each of us know when enough is enough. I am at that point in my sitch right now. I will forever be sorry for all the pain I have caused not only my ex but my girls. I have rebuilt my relationship with them and now that's all that matters to me. My T has told me from the beginning that I will know. So its off and running for me now. I have great children, I have a great job, I have met and fostered many new relationships outside of my circle of friends. So my friend I will say this even though my M was not able to be saved I am a new man and I am very happy with him now. During my M I was the one who just provided for my family, on the outside things looked real good, deep down inside they were not. So now I have a new path with me being a new man. One day I may find love again, I want it to be right. After all the soul searching we all do on here, we will survive. I keep up with everyone on here on a daily basis and almost never reply, however since we started our group its brought new life back into me for these boards that actually saved me.
Scott
Scott...that is so great to hear you have reached a place of peace! I find that in reaching that place, there will still be moments of intense sadness for the losses, but its very different from the bomb days. It's like you can accept it now and while there's pain, you still know your heart and mind have reconciled the truth.
Like you, I remember reading the vets posts to me and others and sometimes I would get the words in the mind but certainly not in the heart. For me, I just kept facing it everyday until it all began to fit.
I do think I can maybe help some people walk their way through this. I have been thinking that I need to be very sensitive to recognizing that they are going to come to their ability to reconcile this new life at their own pace. You know, be as patient with everyone as you guys were with me.
""that is so great to hear you have reached a place of peace! I find that in reaching that place, there will still be moments of intense sadness for the losses, but its very different from the bomb days""
so true
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Hey rick I've found you, even though you no longer post here I've not read your sitch from the beginning you'll be pleased to know From your reply on FB, I take it you weren'n happy about people reading it and besides I can't find it anyway, lol.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I've not read your sitch from the beginning you'll be pleased to know