Hi I am new to this. My H unexpectdly kicked me out of the H week before x-mas. We had friends over at the house that evening, he had to much to drink. When they left he went ballistic and threw me out. I tried to come home the next day hoping that he would be remorseful; We've been separated since meanwhile I've rented a house, I did not speak to him for an entire 1.5 months until I got D papers; lying about the separation date to speed up the process. I was angry and wanted a answer for his behavior, he told me to move on with my life and that everything was my fault. He would not be specific. He is NOT having an affair, BTW. I've had 2 phone sessions, helpful. Coach wanted me to write a letter; which he refuses to read. He's very cold. We do have a 15 year old son. Any replies would be helpful.
Hello Eso - sorry you've found yourself in this situation. Perhaps you can start by providing some additional background on your sitch.
What was it that prompted your H to kick you out? How long have you been married?. Has anything like this ever happened before? Why did you leave instead of him?
Give us as much information as you can so that we can guide you. Post often and you will eventually come off moderation. I would also suggest you read through the various threads you find here as there is some really good information that may help you.
Take care!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
We have been M for 15 years total 19. We were separated in 2008 briefly. He is very insecure about $$ I have several businesses; his is not doing so good. He makes the mortgage payment and I pay for household expnese, food, clothes, etc.. He never gives me credit for my part. He always throws the mortgage $$ and that it is his home and not mine. That's why he threw me out. The night before Xmas party we were singing xmas songs and enjoying each other company. That;s why I am so confused. He;s most probably going through mid-life and winter depression. I also think he's embarassed about that night. He can't even look at me in the eyes or can't talk to me. what can I do?? I did give him his space after the incident. He had no christmas, no new years or birthday hoping that he would miss me. Even his friends cant explain what happened and he NEVER speaks of me. what is my next step.. I still love him.
definitely no marital affairs; that would require work, time, effort and money. he is not very trusting of women. his mother left him in a orphanage when he was a baby and came back for him 4 years later.
yes we separated in 2008 same reasons of $$$ insecurities.. i think hes going through MLC badly and he had some major financial setbacks early december.. just a lot of layers.
this is weird airing all my dirty laundry on the internet.....
I just read the 6 stages of MLC. It defnitely applies to him to the exact tee...... He is in a very dark depression. He has expressed to me that I am the blame for everything wrong that has happened in his life. Which i know I am not. Any suggestions on how to pull him out of it???
I'm sorry to say it, but you can't. Whether it's some sort of life-crisis, infidelity, or simply "walk-away" husband, this is HIS journey, not yours. All you can do is decide what YOUR boundaries are, and learn to lovingly enforce them.
You need to step off -- and REMAIN off -- his roller-coaster. Time to work on Esoben. If at some point down the road your husband gets himself emotionally healthier, and makes a move back towards you, well then you can decide at that time if you even want him back.
Are you protecting yourself legally and financially at this time?
Thanks Starsky for your help and encouragment. I am protected both llegally and financially. He tried to lie to the court of actual separation date to speed up the divorce. I live in NC and there is a 1 year waiting period in case of possible reconiliation. I contacted the court and put the correct date. I pray with all my heart that he has awakening and he comes to his senses before the years end. I undertand I did I have a role in our separation and I am coming to terms with my acts. I would like to discuss this with him, but I have to come to realize that he wants nothing to do with me. I will give him his time and space and focus on myself getting better and emotional strong.
Still nothing. He does NOT communicate at all with me and I've left him alone, except for the 1 email regarding our son and he won't respond to even that. The one time he came by to pick up our son, he honked. I do know he's staying home and not socializing. probably drinking alone. On a positive note: I'm getting better very slowly but surely. I've lost weight, going to the gym, quilting, reading lots of self help books, understanding MLCers. Not crying as much and sleeping much better. I do worry, worry for him. I know he is very, very depressed. I'll keep posting, I hope one day I will be one of the success stories.
