Wow, 111, what a memory. It's so hard to go to those good, cherished memories for me. I just become so sad. So, I try to only think of the present and the future for now. Your trip sounds amazing and I hope you have the chance to do something just as special very soon.
Mimi
being in the present is key to success here, and imo, in life in general.
Looking to the future with optimism and hope is great too. Let go of the past, unless/until the good memories bring you comfort.
Someday they probably will.
Guess I'm fortunate in that the good memories DO bring me comfort. And hope - I think that's a difference between what my wife feels and what I feel. Neither of us want the marriage we had by the late summer and through the fall. I just always believed we had it in us to MAKE the one we DID want. She doesn't believe that, at least right now - and when I try to look at things from her point of view, I can understand why.
But for me the present memories give me comfort, and give me hope that given the chance we can make it work. So, while I don't wear my ring (that, for some reason, DOESN'T give me comfort right now) I've kept the pictures up around the house.
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
Ive decided not to mark the holiday in any way, at least between me and my ex. She's serious with another man at the moment, so I guess I'll let them have their valentine's day. We've been talking again a lot so I'm just going to try and remember that things are looking up (she's been happy to talk to me) and just let the day pass.
Wow, 111, what a memory. It's so hard to go to those good, cherished memories for me. I just become so sad. So, I try to only think of the present and the future for now. Your trip sounds amazing and I hope you have the chance to do something just as special very soon.
Mimi
being in the present is key to success here, and imo, in life in general.
Looking to the future with optimism and hope is great too. Let go of the past, unless/until the good memories bring you comfort.
Someday they probably will.
I totally agree and am trying to do just that. I do think the good memories will someday bring me comfort. I am hopeful that we will work this out, but if not, I am determined to end it with integrity, honesty, and friendship. I think it will be easier to move on that way and preserve the good stuff.
Anyway, I am loving this thread. Thanks.
Mimi
M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids. Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12 Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12 Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12
*DO take some time for yourself today *DO something to boost your self esteem *DO enjoy some V-day treats *DO realize that you are truly loved and blessed no matter what the WAS thinks
*DON'T reminisce about past V-days *DON'T expect ANYTHING (communication, gifts, etc.)from your WAS *DON'T pursue your WAS (they're probably expecting it) *DON'T forget you have tons of support from other LBS's who are on the same rollercoaster as you!
Smile, it's only a day and tomorrow it will be over and on to the next!!
Me31 H33 M11 T15 S10, D4 H deploys 01/11 H R&R two weeks 10/11 ILYBNILWY/sep 12/11 homecoming 1/12 pos D 1/13
*DO take some time for yourself today *DO something to boost your self esteem *DO enjoy some V-day treats *DO realize that you are truly loved and blessed no matter what the WAS thinks
*DON'T reminisce about past V-days *DON'T expect ANYTHING (communication, gifts, etc.)from your WAS *DON'T pursue your WAS (they're probably expecting it) *DON'T forget you have tons of support from other LBS's who are on the same rollercoaster as you!
Smile, it's only a day and tomorrow it will be over and on to the next!!
YES!! Very nice. Especially the part about not expecting anything from the WAS. I had this tiny, tiny part of me that was thinking that just maybe WAS would do something for me today. Just a little something. Umm, what was I thinking? That ship has sailed. Instead of doing something romantic, H moved out today. On to tomorrow...
Mimi
M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids. Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12 Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12 Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12
[YES!! Very nice. Especially the part about not expecting anything from the WAS. I had this tiny, tiny part of me that was thinking that just maybe WAS would do something for me today. Just a little something. Umm, what was I thinking? That ship has sailed. Instead of doing something romantic, H moved out today. On to tomorrow...
Mimi
Geez.. are you serious? ((()))))
P didn't contact me. A tiny part of me was hoping for a quick little email. But.. considering I didn't get one for Christmas, NYE, or my BD that happened 5 days after that? V-DAY was looking grim.
But I would bet the farm on this..... You KNOW he is thinking of the V-Day memories from our trip last year. And it was an awesome one. So HA! Take that! (okay.. it's not much, but it's a little sumthin! lol)
I got flowers!!! N a text that said, "I hope you have a great day. You deserve that and much more. You are the greatest mother I know. " Wow! Wow! Wow! This is way more than what I got for my bday (abso-f$&-lutely nothing! And Xmas-I'm sorry earrings) So I apologize if I gloat but I was AMAZED! I went out and bought him a watch he wanted and had our son paint the box so he wouldn't know what it was. I'm thinking of having our son wear it as he gives his dad the watch. I was thinking back n I haven't gotten him a gift in YEARS! I think the last time was 4 years ago before our son was born. Total 180! Take that!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
No need to apologize - its good someone here has something to gloat about!
Ok that sounds more like a pity party than it really is. I was under no delusions and had no expectations. And truth be told I spent most of the day fretting about unhealthy eating (we're hosting a conference this week at work, and it included donuts and a group lunch out) especially because I had to forgo the pool this morning - but at least there's a little something I can do about that - I'm hitting the incline trainer as soon as I get home.
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
