Or at least get the Alanon book, The Courage to Change.
You're doing just fine, you have set healthy boundaries but are still encouraging W to see the kids. She may not get really sober until she hits total bottom. You're not being unkind, it's important for you to focus on your own healing.
Thanks KD, i have re read what i wrote a few times. your right, i have to let go and stop worrying about her and what i can do for her.
We did talk Sunday after dinner at my parents. She is seeing a IC as a part of her sentance so hopefully this will help her. She asked me what the reason was for me to stop driving her to and from the house for visits etc. I told her it was just to much for me at this point in my life. she tried for more and asked me if seeing her was to painful on me. That was a harder question to answer. i responded, i am fine seeing you, i just dont think all the family interaction is sending the right message to the children and it is also keeping us very connected and this causes confusion for our children.
I felt good about that response. I didnt lie but i kept alot of my emotions in check.
kml, that type of setting just isnt for me. I have tried a similar group before and i was uncomfortable. I will find a copy of the book and read it.
I kept my boundariies in place so far this week. No contact other than on sunday. Unfortunately, that also means she hasnt called the kids and she missed her visit today.
so on friday i got a pretty provocative message from W on facebook. I didnt acknowledge this message. I then got a message on saturday that was a reminder of something we did in the past. A similar message was delivered on Sunday.
I havent responded, not sure what to do. I feel if i responde i will be getting drawn into a game. Not sure what to say or do about this.
Only you know for sure, tank. Protect yourself and don't get sucked in, if that's what you think.
The only thing you can go by is what is "normal". Is this similar to what has happened in the past? Your W contacts as though to re-connect and then you get drawn in? If so, what would make this time any different?
If not, then be pleasant but distant. Respond if you feel safe to not get sucked in, by at least acknowledging but not necessarily to every one. If you feel at risk, then do what you can to not place yourself in a vulnerable position.
She has never gone this far before. She was definitly trying to put it all out there.
I responded by saying, "this is a little uncomfortable for me based on our current situation, we need to talk about what is and is appropriate at this stage in our relationship."
i had to say something and really, the messages were not right for where we are at this stage.
