Sorry that I'm just catching up on your thread now OZ. Been swamped with work and a little stuck in my own head.
I completely get everything that you are saying. I've been having friends take me out as well. It's nice to shake the dust off.. but after a few times.. I've learned that I'm just not ready.
I made a silent promise to my w and myself that I would not dishonor our vows and would keep every promise until the end.
.. as I grow closer to signing the D - papers.. I am SOO glad I did.
Don't think of moving on = dating others. I am learning that being someone's wife was only a small sliver of who I was. I have so much to offer besides that. I have so many people to love.. and so many more to let love me.
So move forward with the rest of your life.. and know that your heart will heal at it's own pace.. and when it's ready to move on and just into another relationship.. it will.
We do not know of our future but if we have learned anything through this he!! is that if we truly do the work and put our best foot forward - good things WILL come our way.
Be open to that - don't let the fact that your good things may not be exactly what you imagined.. stop you from appreciating them.
Live life fully. Love others fully. And leave the rest up to God.
Keep on keeping on!
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
I took a few trips for myself recently. Experienced pure unbridled freedom of self just doing my own thing for once. Celebrated my 31st birthday this past September and it was full of joy with family and friends.
I'm seeing someone now. We dated a bit in August into September and its still going really well. I held off on it because I didn't feel ready earlier but sometimes a persistent woman isn't one to be ignored so I decided to give it a shot. Honestly, I'm aware its still early with this new relationship but it is the best decision I've made to date.
I will always love my ex-wife, but I have come to terms that it is no longer about her, or the marriage that was. Its about me, what I want from my life and my needs. And as luck and life would have it...it seems fate, God or whatever it may be has delivered someone who fits into those things.
My son continues to grow and learn and be full of life, love and happiness. I see it every time I'm with him and even got complimented by my ex-MIL and my ex/w's Uncle that they're happy I'm still around for my son. I don't know if I ever gave any indication I wouldn't, but it felt reassuring to know that my efforts are noticed.
My ex-w continues to display her erratic mood patterns. Happy and fine one instance, moody and depressed and sometimes a bit of anger at the others. I offer my support as always but when she tells me no she is fine, I leave it at that.
No more pushing, no more persistence. I tried for a whole year to show that this marriage was worth saving, and the ball is in her court if she wants to fix things or not. I did what I had to, I did the best I could for myself and my son. The ramifications of these actions have yet to show their fruition, but I know I have planted the seeds of becoming a better man for myself and my son.
I will always be there for her as her friend, because I know that is where I failed the first time.
Hopefully in time, we can be friends again and work on a relationship of trust and friendship for the sake of our son.
Hope everyone else is well and good in their lives.
I took a few trips for myself recently. Experienced pure unbridled freedom of self just doing my own thing for once. Celebrated my 31st birthday this past September and it was full of joy with family and friends.
I'm seeing someone now. We dated a bit in August into September and its still going really well. I held off on it because I didn't feel ready earlier but sometimes a persistent woman isn't one to be ignored so I decided to give it a shot. Honestly, I'm aware its still early with this new relationship but it is the best decision I've made to date.
I will always love my ex-wife, but I have come to terms that it is no longer about her, or the marriage that was. Its about me, what I want from my life and my needs. And as luck and life would have it...it seems fate, God or whatever it may be has delivered someone who fits into those things.
My son continues to grow and learn and be full of life, love and happiness. I see it every time I'm with him and even got complimented by my ex-MIL and my ex/w's Uncle that they're happy I'm still around for my son. I don't know if I ever gave any indication I wouldn't, but it felt reassuring to know that my efforts are noticed.
My ex-w continues to display her erratic mood patterns. Happy and fine one instance, moody and depressed and sometimes a bit of anger at the others. I offer my support as always but when she tells me no she is fine, I leave it at that.
No more pushing, no more persistence. I tried for a whole year to show that this marriage was worth saving, and the ball is in her court if she wants to fix things or not. I did what I had to, I did the best I could for myself and my son. The ramifications of these actions have yet to show their fruition, but I know I have planted the seeds of becoming a better man for myself and my son.
I will always be there for her as her friend, because I know that is where I failed the first time.
Hopefully in time, we can be friends again and work on a relationship of trust and friendship for the sake of our son.
Hope everyone else is well and good in their lives.
Keep on keeping on!
It sounds like you stopped playing games and it's going to work well! Congrats.
OZ, that's an impressive post and you are a model of DB'ing!! That's what it's all about, working on YOU and hoping the marriage is repaired in the process, but if it isn't you still emerge a better person for having gone through the process. Congratulations on your strength of character, and best wishes to you!
Things have been good to say the least. Job is going well, current relationship is well on to month 8 and thats going good too. Ex/W is still how she is, but has calmed down a bit for whatever reason. We've had some good laughable moments when it comes to our son and him doing what kids do. Its great to share those smiles in that sense at least.
I'm just still trucking on with what I do daily. Yeah there are times I still wonder "what if" but they are definitely less than what they used to be. Time will tell I guess, so I'll keep on keeping on. How is everyone else doing?
Sure, there will always be "what ifs". So long as you don't regret not doing something more, then the "what ifs" are really irrelevant, since they are based on your ex's choices.
I guess I should have elaborated, because sometimes I feel like, "what if I kept on trying?"
And on the same coin there is the whole notion of there being only so much I can take. It got to a point where I felt like I was beating my head against a wall going nowhere, and then when I stopped, it feels like its going in a more positive direction and that kind of throws me off.
I guess I have to keep telling myself that if any bigger change is going to come, it'll be from her end and not from mine. I say that because its obvious I wanted to save things, but she clearly didn't so after doing what I could, I backed off.
It's a vicious cycle for the most part, but I don't regret anything...its just a lot of "dammit what should I do, should I say something or not, etc. etc."
If you've followed my story you may remember OM from the beginning of this story so long ago.
Found out through the grapevine that OM and Ex/W are now officially dating.
Admittedly it does sting a bit. I obviously have a low respect for the guy seeing as he was involved during the initial beginning of this divide and I am totally not comfortable of the notion of this guy being around my son though I doubt that has happened (or at least I hope so). I'm not mad though as I've moved on with a fantastic woman but I did tell my ex/w out of respect and trust to her that I was seeing someone and yet I still haven't heard a peep of this. I'll wait it out as its really none of my business but she gave me a hard time even when remotely hearing that I MAY be dating threw her into a flipped out mood. I feel like we are at an uneven two way street where she wants me to be an open book towards her but she can't do the same to me. It does upset me that this is how she is but at the end of the day I look at it as that life and fate and god ripped this from me to put me on a better path and make better decisions with my new life with my new partner and I guess this is another stepping stone towards the type of man I am meant to be.
