It just [censored] that I want to be supportive and she seems.against it. During.our convo today I just asked about how she was doing and she says its been.tough but our S and her family keep her well. Some talk about the viewing came up and it seemed to bother her that I expressed interest in paying my respects in person. It led to a small argument over the phone which confused me because she was all like, "If it makes your conscience feel better to show up then.do so." A lot more was said that I just met with stern replies about her notbyelling at me over the phone with my S present, to her getting too upset to continie the convo since I was calm and she was a raving madwoman. Thats what I get for being supportive? Damn...
I'll be honest, I forgot most of the convo because it all just seemed sceipt and when I showed up to the viewing, not only was her family receptive to my being there, she was actually glad I came.
That being said, her attitude towards me has definitely changed. She's more like the woman I remember and not this venom spewing person I had to deal with the year prior. Even during easter she was highly cordial and we had a great convo about family and things, just like the conversations we would have when we were together. I'm not reading into it fully, but I did notice the change. Time will tell, right?
Did some thinking today during this rainy NYC day and my mind wandered into a weird territory of how I could get my W back even after a divorce. Its like, how would I manage that on my own end? I realize I probably can't since any action I would do would constitute pursuing and I of course realized if this is to work again, she would have to be the one to initiate it.
But what do I do besides that? Do I just keep on with my life and keep being a dad and keep doing me? It gets old after a while and I miss that companionship, that sense of family...the home, having someone next to you while you sleep at night and wake up to them in the morning. Make each other breakfast and that whole nine.
Guess I'm just missing what once was and just needed to write it out. Hope everyone is doing the best they can as well...
Been a while I know. Been busy with a new job and continuing to do my best moving forward given the circumstances.
My S is an amazing 2 year old. So smart and full of life and it amazes me how he's looking more and more like me when I was little.
As for how my W is towards me (I still say W because I STILL have not gotten word back from the signed divorce papers - signed them back in January) it's been cordial to say the least. There are occasional moments of good conversation between the two of us, and I've been good on not initiating conversation. She's always asking how I'm doing and how my family is doing. Feels weird to see any sort of interest from her in that regard. Sometimes she's been down and I've just stopped asking because I know she'll just tell me she's fine.
Today I got to see my S, and noticed she was drawn to her phone a whole lot. In good timing my S decided to go outside on his own so in chasing him I got a peak at who she was texting. It was the supposed OM from way back. I shrugged it off but I won't lie that it did kind of sting, and I did want to mention something but I just decided to focus on S and let it be.
It's confusing sometimes to see this semi-interest from her with occasional smiles when I talk to her, and then know she is still talking to this loser. Its kind of like she wants the attention and when he isn't talking her, she seeks me out. I just focus on my son, because I know if anything is to work out, I have to stay on my path and if she wants to rejoin it, then its up to her and her alone.
As for how my W is towards me (I still say W because I STILL have not gotten word back from the signed divorce papers - signed them back in January) it's been cordial to say the least. There are occasional moments of good conversation between the two of us, and I've been good on not initiating conversation. She's always asking how I'm doing and how my family is doing. Feels weird to see any sort of interest from her in that regard. Sometimes she's been down and I've just stopped asking because I know she'll just tell me she's fine.
WAS are interesting. They don't want us in their lives, yet they have no problem asking about our lives.
They want to give info but don't want you to ask.
d@mned if you do, d@mned if you don't scenario.
Continue to validate her when/if she opens up. Make it a safe place to talk, but leave it up to her to take the necessary steps.
Originally Posted By: OmegaZed
It's confusing sometimes to see this semi-interest from her with occasional smiles when I talk to her, and then know she is still talking to this loser. Its kind of like she wants the attention and when he isn't talking her, she seeks me out. I just focus on my son, because I know if anything is to work out, I have to stay on my path and if she wants to rejoin it, then its up to her and her alone.
That's right.. it will be up to her. Continue to be the best dad/man you can be and let her decide....
.. and in the meantime really fight that "want" to understand her semi interest... it's moot at this time.
Originally Posted By: OmegaZed
Just gotta keep on keeping on I guess...
That's the best you can do OZ. That's the best we all can do!
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Peringo - Do your best for joint custody, as in my opinion its the better option for the kid. Work out visitation to the best of your ability. The best thing to keep in mind is, "Is this the best thing for my son/daughter." When it comes to custody and visitation, the key thing to remember is it is not about you or your ex, but about your children whom you both love.
Val - Thanks as always for the advice. It is hard to fight that want to understand her thoughts and emotions, and sometimes even harder to fight the decisions she is making (i.e talking to "That Guy") I have to keep reminding myself its her mistake to make.
I hope everyone is having a great memorial day weekend!
Hope everyone is doing great on their continuing roads.
Just journaling, and as always feedback is welcome.
Started a new job recently, Its been going well to say the least.
My son continues to amaze me with his growing intelligence, his unconditional love and when I get to see him is the highlight of my every other weekend.
Outside of that, spending time with friends and family alike. Traveled to a few cities just to visit (been to Boston, Philadelphia and Baltimore in the past month and a half with friends just to eat, chill, sight see and drink) and those adventures have been awesome to say the least. It was hilarious to see my friends try to get me to flirt with women but it wasn't my thing. Not that I'm not interested in women anymore but I'm still trying to piece myself together, heal and be strong for the "if and when" another relationship decides to rear its head. I've been on a few "dates" if you wan to call it that but they've been strictly platonic. I'm still deciding on whether or not another relationship is something I want at this point in time.
Which brings me to the point of me writing this. I truly don't know why I'm scared to be involved with someone else now. I signed the paperwork back in January and have yet to hear any official word on anything since, so I kind of want to wait until I'm truly single before I move on to anything else.
In fact I feel I should move on at some point. I still have love in my heart for my ExW, and yeah I won't lie that a part of me still has that tangent of hope for reconciliation but recent rumblings kind of shelve that slightly.
I've heard through mutual friends that she has a dating prospect and I won't lie it kind of hurt to hear that. Naturally my mind goes off the deep-end thinking about this strange person being around my son but that's me being the worry wart I tend to be.
Where my brain really goes to, is what chance is there at reconciliation if at all? What hope do I have to reclaim a marriage, family and the woman I love? I know I'm supposed to be getting a life and all but what does one do to get the things back that they lost and know they can be achievable again?
And yeah, I know its all "you have to let her live her life" and "You have to live your life," and the usual spiel I'll hear from friends, family and my IC but what do I do to really get what I want?
It begins to feel as if she never really loved me at all you know?
I don't want to ramble but this and more has been on my mind as of late.
Until then, keep on keeping on and I look forward to any replies.
