Not sure where I fit in

[~¤DG¤~]

I've posted over at the Newcomers board, because that seems to be where most of the traffic is, but I am hardly a newcomer. I joined this board in March of this year and have been separated from my H since the end of February. If I was smart enough I would post the links to all of my previous threads so you can read up on my sitch but I doubt any of you have the time or interest in reading 100+ posts.

Briefly, H and I have been legally married for 5 years, and have been separated since Feb 20th of this year. I have 2 boys 15 & 11 from a previous marriage and he has a son 7 from a previous relationship. No children together, thankfully.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling----


Stbx sent me a text last night. We haven't exchanged texts in a while, other than his text wishing me a Merry Christmas.
It wasn't anything significant, just asked how I was doing. Small talk. I ended it saying I had to be up early and to take care.
I do not have any hopes or expectations from this.

Someone had suggested I read the book "Co dependent no more" and let me tell you, this book was written specifically for me. At least it feels that way. I checked it out from the library but after starting to read it I actually ordered a copy for myself. It really makes so much sense.

[~¤DG¤~]

It is hopeful that people do get to a better place, and I do believe I am in one also compared to a year ago.
I have no interest in dating anyone at the present time, I'm just spending time with my kids and my friends.

I am working hard on not being co dependent, but trust me, I am/was a classic case.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

I am really looking forward to 2011 being over with.
I'm not sure why, it isn't like 2012 holds anything promising for me at the present moment, but at least I can say that all the crap happened "last year."

I've been sick for a good 3 weeks now so I am finally going to break down and see a doctor. I always avoid going if I can because they almost always tell me it's viral, but after 3 weeks of not sleeping it has to be something more.
I'm hoping to kick it by the weekend.

No word from Stbx since Monday, which I really don't expect to hear from him. I've been storing a bunch of his stuff in my garage since February and you'd think he would come and get it by now. I should just throw it out since he obviously doesn't need it, but that just seems mean. I don't want to be mean.

[antlers]

1. I have no interest in dating anyone at the present time, I'm just spending time with my kids and my friends.

2. I am working hard on not being co dependent, but trust me, I am/was a classic case.

1. It's good that you have no interest in dating right now...since you're still married! Why in the heck would someone even consider dating while they are still married anyway? Spending time with your kids and your friends is a good thing to do.

2. Just because you are/were a classic case doesn't mean that you have to stay that way!

I hope 2012 is one of your best years ever!

[SunFunOne]

DG: It takes a long time to get over the hurt and the shock of a marriage falling apart. It takes a long time to heal yourself. And even longer to be ready to date. Take the time you need to find joy again in your life. It took me a couple of years just to stop feeling intense pain and thinking about him and her all the time (he moved in with his affair partner immediately.

Interestingly, as soon as Ex finally admitted OW to our C - she told me I was free to date as Ex had released me and was out of the marriage. That was about the 6 week mark! I'm sure glad I didn't even consider it.

Anyway - lots you can learn from being over here on Surviving!

Barb

At the one year mark I met someone & developed a big crush. But I was not ready and I'm sure it would have been a rebound as were my next couple of guy interests. I think I was still terrified of the entire dating/guy thing.

I was well into the divorce process when I did meet the right guy. It was also more than a couple of years since ex had been with ow. No - I was not legally divorced (mine had complications and was dragged out by ex not doing his paperwork or getting a lawyer). Most here totally were onside with me and my kids actually pushed me to get out and start dating. But a few people condemned me for dating while married which I did not appreciate. I had always been faithful to my ex and the marriage had ended long before the dating began. So - only you know when you are ready.

Anyway - welcome to our little world. There are few here that have been around as long as me. I mostly stick around to help if I can and most likely out of habit - LOL

Barb

[whatisis]

I'm out there and I'm not divorced. My divorce is in the works and I've been separated for over 4 years. I think it depends on where you're at emotionally. I finally filed because I felt I was ready to look for a relationship again and had been seeing a lady, it didn't work out but it made me think about where I wanted to be in life. I didn't think it made sense to hold on to the "separated" tag any longer. It no longer fit my life. When you're not looking, you don't think about it. But, don't rush there will always be newly single people out there to date. The human condition is such that there will always be divorce, sad as that may sound. Good luck!

[~¤DG¤~]

I am not going to even entertain the thought of dating for a long time. That is a 180 for me. I have been with someone pretty much my entire adult life and this is the first time I've been alone.
I recognize that I need this. I need to be on my own and work on me and learning to love me.

I have been in counseling for a year now and am finally to the point where I feel I can stand on my own 2 feet. My knees are shaking, but I'm standing.
I have done a lot of work on myself and have come very far. I feel that when I am ready I will actually have the tools to have a healthy relationship.