The avoidance of it being internal, is the struggle...
I think what Bea is saying is...
....that the MLCer doesn't want to be told by anyone else, that there is something wrong with them, or giving the impression that the marital problems lie from within them...
Especially the LBS....
Unless of course....they want their eyes scratched out. : )
My W asked me a month before bomb #2, after she got her 2nd tatoo if I thought she was in MLC.
I have to agree that I think that some have an inkling. Some might even use it as an excuse. Who knows? The important thing is to work on yourself. I am learning that the very hard way.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
Makes me wonder why I even bother to be a decent human being.
Ummmmm because actually that is what we are put on the planet to be??? Maybe your journey is to figure out who you are and who and what you truly want to be. Put the focus on yourself.
And on the books front, if your wife is actually reading self help books then I would suspect she isn't in MLC. Most, if not all, MLCers think there is nothing whatsoever wrong with them.
The idea of my xh reading a self help book makes me smile at the sheer unlikelihood of it. He genuinely thinks [or used to think] his family are nuts, and we all need help.
That could very well be, but I think we all have moments where we second guess our actions no matter what our mental state is and look for answers. I know in the deepest bits of my recent despair after my wife left I had moments of perfect clarity. To think that they don't seems to be a bit of generalization?
I'm a little confused today, it was my W's Great Grandma's 90th Birthday party, I love the old girl dearly, but felt it best not for me to go and cause any tension. I was terribly pissed off that I'm losing access to people like G-Grandma I've known for half my life, but realize this is going to be par for the course for a while. I did what I usually do, hopped on my bike and did 5 miles and hit Starbucks, my W picked up the kids while I was gone and dropped them back off this evening.
When they came back my D19 came in with a box of Halloween candy and big container of coffee and said it was "From Mom". I did the quizzical "what this for" palms up gesture and D19 said "Mom's confusing isn't she" and smiled. Just when I get used to the idea she's gone, she does something thoughtful and more like her old self than the alien I've been dealing with since July
I just got verification that MLC'ers and WAS are reading the same type of books and talking about 180's, NC and other methods used here. If you really want to see what is going through some of the minds of wayward spouses I strongly suggest check out this forum
edit - links outside the DB forums are not allowed, becareful with that gutted.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 10/31/1104:10 PM.
Sorry about that, How does one pass on an interesting link then? The link gives an incredible insight to the mind of recovering WAS and MLC'er's, and probably a way we can deal with them better by getting an insight into what they are going through. I spent two hours going through posts that really opened my eyes to my own situation, and made me feel less like I was running around blind.
