Yep.........I'm still here

[~¤DG¤~]

I have had a very good weekend.
Had amazing weather the entire weekend, enjoyed walking the 5k, and spending time with my siblings and friends.

Went out last night and met some new people who were a lot of fun, and then met up with some other friends. It was supposed to be an early night, but it turned into a very late night.
My face hurts from smiling so much and laughing. I actually love that feeling. It means I am having a good time and I am surrounded by great people.

My apt is painted! Painter finished this morning and it looks awesome. The color looks great, and now just waiting for the carpet to be installed in a few weeks.

The best part of this weekend? I didn't think about H hardly at all. I was caught up in the moment...and those moments were great.

[Valeska19]

Where's the d@mn "like" button!

[jbnati]

DG, I'm so glad you had a great weekend and you didn't think about your H.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

Sooo tired this morning. I even went to bed early. I guess maybe I am getting old, LOL.

My brother leaves this morning to head back home. He is stopping for a bit to see our sister and then making the long drive home. I thoroughly enjoyed his visit and I am glad my kids got to spend time with their uncle. He has a pretty sweet car and my kids just loved it when they took them for a ride.

I cannot even begin to explain how much I LOVE the way my place looks with the new paint. I've lived in this place for almost 10 years now. 10 years of white walls and blah.
I can't stop myself for constantly looking at my walls and thinking "this looks awesome."
Kind of reminds me of myself a little bit. All I needed was a fresh coat of paint and I'm as good as new. :-)

[LearningPatience]

DG, so happy to hear you had a great weekend. I think the new coat of paint is a great metaphor, good call!

I might not be posting much, but I do stop by to see how some of you are doing. Hope your upcoming week is as great as the weekend was. Keep up the good work you've done for yourself!

[~¤DG¤~]

Thanks LP-that means a lot to me.

Ugh..I hate this time of year. Too much darn candy laying around!

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling/venting-

I have mentioned that S10 & OW's S are friends. They were friends before we even separated.
Lately OW's S I'll call "A" has been rubbing it in S10's face that he has so much fun on the weekends with H&SS7.

To say this hurts my S is an understatement.

I try to remind S that we only have control over our actions and emotions and nobody else's. He was in tears again last night because he misses H so much.

I'm doing everything I can to help him through this. He sees a counselor, I try to remind him how much myself and other people love him, but he still feels so....left out.

I'm frustrated that H can't do the right thing and at least keep in touch with my kids. He's running...he always runs.

In other news, I had an appt with IC today, and it went very well. I feel like I have grown so much in these past 9 months. I'm to the point where I don't even know if I want to save my M anymore......

[paige40]

That hurts my heart your poor S10. I feel so bad for him. Nice friend... I wish H could do the right thing and still keep in touch with your son.

Glad your appt went so well. We are all so proud of you, you have changed so much and grown so much during this horrible time. You are gonna be a hell of a catch for H or whoever is lucky enough to snap you up!

[~¤DG¤~]

I don't seem to get on here as much during the day as I used to. Maybe it's because I am not always focusing on my sitch and just living life day to day.
I won't lie, I do miss H and I think about him, but I have had no desire to call or text him, nothing.

I've made the decision to stop going to counseling by the end of the year, if things continue to go the way they are going. I feel so much better about myself and my life than I did back in January when I started.

I do feel sadness thinking about not seeing my C anymore. I understand boundaries when it comes to things like this, but I really will miss her. I know she is doing her job and we are not friends, but there is vulnerability there, especially on my end.
I know I have come a long way, and it was with her help. Yes, I did the work, but she guided me and made me understand myself and challenged me to become a better woman.
Just writing about it makes me want to cry. It is part of life though.

Meeting a good friend tomorrow night for dinner and I am looking forward to it. We don't get to see one another very often.

Lots of fun things planned with the kiddos this weekend as well. I hope the weather is decent.

[~¤DG¤~]

A friend sent me this devotional:

"Be willing to follow wherever I lead.  Follow Me wholeheartedly, with glad anticipation quickening your pace.  Though you don't know  what lies ahead, I know; & that is enough!  Some of My richest blessings are just around the bend:  out of sight, but nonetheless very real.  To receive these gifts, you must
walk by faith - not by sight.  This doesn't mean closing your eyes to what is all around you.  It means subordinating the visible world to the invisible Shepherd of your soul.
Sometimes I lead you up a high mountain with only My hand to support you.  The higher you climb, the more spectacular the view becomes; also, the more keenly you sense your separation from the world with all its problems.  This frees you to experience exuberantly the joyous reality of My Presence.  Give yourself fully to these Glory-moments, away in dazzling Light.  I will eventually lead you down the mountain, back into community with others.  Let My Light continue to shine within you as you walk among people again.
"