What happens next part II?????

[love_is_a_trip]

I don't know if calling to see if you need a boat to get home is pursuing :-)

I think every one of us assumes that when our spouse goes flaky on us its MLC. Even if it's true, how would you ever know for sure. Probably best to put it out of your mind.

[Queen_of_Swords]

I wanted to make an addendum to Sandi's post as well in which she wrote:

The H may think he is cooperating or letting the W have her way.....but in reality he is passive. The stronger the woman...the more she desires to have a man who will stand his ground....especially when she is wrong. That is why you see some women go after the bad boys....not b/c he's bad, but b/c she often mistakes his bad behavior...as him being strong.

Oh, and one more thought here....if the H leaves the children's discipline up to the W to carry out......very bad resentment will take root. She wants a man who will take charge. I'm not saying to take things to the other extreme. You have to use some wisdom here.

What really hacked me off in my R with STBX who also has behaved as Sandi describes and as passively, is that it left ME carrying most of the responsibility of our lives. I was CEO and CFO.
I often felt overburdened by this.
I wanted a partner, not to do it by myself.

The more I took on responsibility he abdicated, the less he had to do, and the more he resented me and labelled me as controlling.

[Rick1963]

QS I don't really leave most of the responsibilities to W. Only things that need to be done during the work week as she is home 4 of the 5 work days. That was the arrangement we had. And it only pertains to calling a repair man when something is broke or taking care of something that can only be done on a work day. But I think Sandi is talking more about the emotional aspects of me being passive, if I understand it corectly.

[Queen_of_Swords]

Rick I'm not making any assumptions or criticizing your wife's and your arrangement.
Just pointing out how Sandi's words fitted into my personal experience with men being "passive."
Your milage may vary. Take what's useful to you.
Hugs.

[Rick1963]

QS thank you. I really do listen to what others are pointing out about me and I hope it helps me in the long run. It is just such a hard road and I know you know how it feels. I wish I could just hug my W and tell how much I love her. Haven't heard those words since last month and it hurts.

[Rick1963]

I m a town fair with my club left home before W and D left for the barn. This GALing feels pretty weird. A very attractive blond with herS locked eyes with me and it was strange felt nothing but anxious? Noticed that W is colder in the morning ignores me but she is different later in the day. The depression just won't go away? Having ahard time talking to people. It svcks

[25yearsmlc]

rick

I'm not positive what your last post meant...explain?

Also how about working on the PMA and

having a bit Less passivity - starting with the title of the thread here?

Instead of saying "what happens next"? As it it's all beyond your control,

take charge of your life in a way that shows you are all about accountability.

Don't wait for people to talk to you, ask them questions (not questions with yes/no answers, but opinions on safe topics or things like 'how did you feel about the sermon/speaker today?" )

Asking questions of others about themselves is always interesting to them..


and the more

you interact, the better you'll feel.

good luck!

[Rick1963]

I was typing into a phone while at a fair and was feeling depressed. I was trying to say that the GALing thing felt strange. Running out of the house before W and D to do stuff and acting as if is at this point fake. Really hard to enjoy doing anything. I will do it again today meeting guys at the airport and hopefully not talk about my sitch. The one thing I have been feeling is that W has not soften up and her heart is still cold. 25 I will think about my next title.

[Rick1963]

Our dog who has been our pet for almost 12 years needs to be put down. He woke up crying and stiff W said she will take him tomorrow. I think he is suffering alot and asked W if we should take him today and that I wanted to go. She did not respond. So this is how it works I offer to help with a messy sitch and she ignores me as usual. Even before our sitch happened. I also asked if D understood the finality of putting him down. W said well she has seen how he is doing so I guess so? I'm beginning to dislike her very much not sure if it is a defense mechanism to protect my emotions.

[25yearsmlc]

sorry about your dog rick.

Weirdly, our 11 y/o pug woke up a month ago and could not use his hind legs. He kept falling and collapsing. My h is an MD but years ago he was first an animal doctor. He said that the pug had a stroke of sorts in his spinal area,

but strokes can be blood clots. They can be fatal or paralysing to the dog and ours was definitely paralyzed. He kept trying to stand but only his front legs worked.

So we decided we had nothing to lose and we gave him an aspirin, on the off chance that if it was a clot, it might dissolve it.

Rick, it worked! Less than an hour after the collapsing began, it ended! Like a miracle. Since then we give him a baby dog aspirin every other day to lower his blood clots (plus I think it helps with his arthritis).

So even though your dog is old, it's possible he has something you could help. But I don't know your dog's symptoms. And 12 y/o is old for a lot of breeds.

Rick, Your wife didn't say no. But if she said yes, she'd be signing his death warrant. Maybe she felt you dumping that decision on her, like "Mom said we had to put him down"... Who wants to make that decision???

Just discuss it frankly with her, calmly and with empathy.

I'm sure you all love the dog--don't accuse your wife of not caring about the dog's suffering... so talk, ask questions about her thoughts on whether maybe the dog could get better but what does SHE think the dog feels, and get a decision made, and then implement it. Participate in whatever decision is made, Rick. Do NOT let your wife handle this alone.

IF you guys are taking the dog in, perhaps you could do it as a family, b/c your d may want to come and

then all together your family can say good bye to the dog (if that is the decision).

Then you can gently let her pass away with the love of her family around.

It can be a beautiful, bittersweet bonding experience and it is a lot nicer for the dog, I'd imagine.

Again, sorry about your family pet for they really are family members...

((( )))