Im afraid of all I will have to figure out on my own.
Why?
Originally Posted By: kissak
Im afraid of starting over with someone new.
What scares you about this?
Originally Posted By: kissak
Financially Im scared to death. Living on my income and child support and trying to run a business which is like running another house hold is NOT easy when the economy is bad. I would love to sell my business just to get out of the hole ive fell in since he first left me!
Have you looked into selling it? What other options do you have? New partners? Investors? ....
Originally Posted By: kissak
I think I will only feel better when I have successfully gone through all of them and come out the other side.
How do you think you will do? If you had to give yourself an advance report card, what would it say?
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I guess in my mind that I thought as long as my H and I were married, there was still that chance...
Have you heard the fat lady? I haven’t.
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Im afraid of all I will have to figure out on my own.
WHY? Lack of self esteem? If so, then why? That Kissak is the question…why do you give YOUR H so much credit over EVERYTHING you have done?
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Im afraid of starting over with someone new
Who says YOU have too? When the time is RIGHT you will not have so many fears about being with someone else. When YOU feel and truly UNDERSTAND and BELIEVE your own VALUE, WORTH, etc. then you will realize so much.
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Financially Im scared to death.
Instead of just being scared what is YOUR plan? If you do not know where YOU are going, then it is impossible to figure out the road map.
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Living on my income and child support and trying to run a business which is like running another house hold is NOT easy when the economy is bad.
Life aint easy! HOLDING on to someone is also NOT easy. Can you stop for a second and BELIEVE that YOU REALLY are strong enough? Consider your options…. Stay paralyzed by FEAR, roll over and give up OR (I hate to say it) put on a pair of BIG GIRL panties and get to getting!
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I would love to sell my business just to get out of the hole ive fell in since he first left me!
Then sell the f’er. I have learned that a person can never REALLY succeed if they are always afraid to fail. Failure to me, means that you have the courage to take a chance, that you are not afraid to live your dreams, even if you fall down. Kissak, give yourself a little more credit, you have had to deal with your H chit for how long? How much stuff has he put you through? How much have you tolerated? Damn girl…you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
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but even acknowledging them doesnt make me feel better
Then don’t just acknowledge – ACT! Do for YOU Kissak. Do what YOU need to do for YOU. You have kids, they need a role model – that task right now falls on you.
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I think I will only feel better when I have successfully gone through all of them and come out the other side.
I agree – so what are YOU waiting for?
Kissak, what is stopping you?
You say that IF H wanted to come back right now, you would not take him back. Understandable, then what WILL you do?
LIMBO – exists as long as WE allow it to.
Take a stand Kissak, for YOU , for your kids and believe it or not for YOUR H.
Now, what exactly are you afraid of…..’cause ya only barely answered PEI question.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I say Im afraid of all I will have to figure out....like making the best decision on the divorce settlements....what to do about my house, his retirement, my business....things that come up that I once depended on my H for. I know, figure them out myself. I dont need him. I have been doing this...but everything has been minor so far.
Starting over with someone new....yea it scares me. I still love my H and I find it hard to try to even date, much less be in a relationship.
Yes, I have tried to sell my business. I had even took on a partner the first of the year, which did NOT work out at all and the woman has ended up stalking me and is trying to run me out of business, she is cRaZy! BUt selling is not what I REALLY want to do. I love what I do...its just selling a shop like mine in this economy right now....not good. Thought about filing bankrupt...but that would be a last resort.
I know I will be ok in the end.
God says he has plans to prosper me and not harm me, plans to give me hope and a future....that is what I lean on every day
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
like making the best decision on the divorce settlements.
In the business world ya know what happens when the work becomes too much? It is “outsourced”. What usually happens is that you bring in a third party, explain to them what it is YOU really want to accomplish and then you hire them to do all of the heavy lifting. In terms of divorce…that is what YOUR attny is suppose to do. They are not emotionally involved. The attny job is to advocate for what YOU want.
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what to do about my house
Sell if ya want, rent if ya can. FWIW, I rented mine. I do not want to live in it..at least not now.
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his retirement
Something for the “outsource” provider to address. I would assume that you would be entitled to probably half..where you take it or not is up to you.
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things that come up that I once depended on my H for.
Simply put….YOU WILL FIGURE IT OUT. Who sets prices for your business? You or H? Who runs your business? You or H? Give yourself some credit!
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I dont need him
I actually do not think YOU believe this ^^^ . When you do, you will not worry so much about the what, when, why and how.
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Starting over with someone new
End something before you start something else. Why are you even thinking about it…no wait…I did the same thing….Actually stop thinking about it.
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I find it hard to try to even date, much less be in a relationship.
Then don’t.
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God says he has plans to prosper me and not harm me, plans to give me hope and a future
Believe it and ACT on it.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric....I threw out all my BIG GIRL panties with the 70 pounds Ive lost over the last 5 years
Honestly it probably has ALOT to do with my self esteem....ive never had much to begin with. Always been the shy and quiet one. I know Ive grown out of some of that, but its all still there in me.
Im not afraid I will fail, but I do feel like Im stuck in LIMBO.
I am a strong person and I just need to keep moving forward and NOT be afraid.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
My H in the beginning wanted me to sell my house. I was NOT going to do that. I have a nice little home with half of the mortgage paid so far....I would never find a place to rent that would be cheaper than my mortgage. I have great neighbors that help me whenever I need it...right now I wouldnt consider selling. It is however in my H name...but he has agreed to let me live there as long as I want and if I ever do sell he just wants a small percentage.
Its just alot of legal stuff and that all costs money.....
Really I know I am NOT ready for a relationship with anyone, but I still think about it anyway....
My daughter is getting closer and closer to 18 and will be leaving me, which makes me sad....
I think my son is ALOT like me...he doesnt like to think about this stuff cuz it makes him cry or sad....maybe thats why I havent really been dealing with it.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
kissak, shy and quiet does not have to mean low self esteem. Not all confident people are as obnoxious as I've turned out!
Saying you just need to NOT be afraid is one thing. NOT being afraid can be super hard ... until you really unearth the WHYs. Dig deep ... what is/was causing the insecurities that led to your low self esteem etc ...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
H's girlfriend that he had been living with since I had him leave, almost a year ago...well, she told him that things had become boring and repetitive with them, he was bringing her down and more. So she told him to leave....he was basically homeless and heartbroken. He has found a place to stay for now. SO, suddenly rumors are now flying around that IM begging him to come back. Nice....who cares. Just rumors.
He is now feeling some of what I felt when he told me he didnt love me.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Karma coming back around to bite him in the butt....glad to see you becoming stronger and stronger......we are both in a better place since the mothership took our husband's God be with you....Irma
So happy to read that you and the kids are doing well.
Rumours are just that - Just Rumours. Gotta wonder who might be fueling them, eh? Perhaps that is his pathetic doing. Doesn't really matter though. You know he is still the same guy he has always been.
Keep moving forward with your life, dear lady. You are gonna be just fine.
*hugs* ~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
