well alone, the kids are doing okay for the most part. SS15 has been having a real rough go with all of this. He broke down to his counsillor, and he is afraid that im going to die and leave him. So everyone has had a good long conversation with him. I am feeling better. Not out of the woods just yet, still in and out of hospital. Really [censored] being sick!
My mom is paying close watch on W while she is with the kids. She is usually good for a day and a half, by sunday this weekend, she was twitchy, looked sick and very short tempered. My mom figures its withdrawal, as she cant drink or smoke at my mothers.
The lack of contact for me has been great. One less worry out of my mind righ now>
Thanks for the suppor teveryone, I am reading and catching up on your storeys as well.
Tank! Its good to hear from you...you know we worry.
I am sorry to hear you've been in and out of the hospital, I was hoping you were home for good.
Okay, SS15 sounds like he's getting good support. Your kids are going through a lot, A LOT. You know, are there any groups for them in your area?...like support groups for kids whose parents are sick? I know there is nothing COOLER when your 15 than going to a support group, but still, I'm a firm believer that misery loves company and it never hurts to have support and then more support.
Also, I think your STBXW is an addict. I think it explains a lot. Does your W think she has a substance abuse problem?
I used to have this hat. It said, "I don't have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem!" Luckily, I didn't have a drinking problem, but I think your W might. You know my mother was very similar to your W and she was a substance abuser. When it stopped, she became so much better.
Ultimately, its NOT YOUR PROBLEM and I don't think you should make it your problem, but it sounds like your inlaws are aware that your W is using...do they think it is out of hand?
Again, NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Just keep looking after your own well-being and it sounds like she stays sober during visitations, so that is what matters.
Me: 35 Him: 43 Together: 19 1/2 years 1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011 2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011 He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011 He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011
well hi everyone. its been a while. I have just come home from the hospital. was a tough battle the last while and im lucky to be home.
my kids have been living with my parents and i scared them verymuch. But im home, on bed rest and umfortunatly i have a nurse come every day to ensure i stay put!
They kids have had a tough go with this. There mom hasnt been around. She showed up to one of SS15 bday games while i was in the hospital and that was it. We celebrated SS14 bday on sunday at the hospital and she didnt show. No surprise.
My lawyer has everything filed and she hasnt disputed it so far. We just have to see the judge and get it finalized.
I did have a phone conversation with her today. I had to laugh, she still blames me for everything. Right down to her mom, brother and the rest of her family not wanting much to do with her. She thinks i brain washed them into hating her. I laughed and she didnt like it to much. All i could say was, "when you finally grow up and realize who is responsible for your life, i only hope its not to late!"
THere was no point in trying to prove her wrong or show her the error in her thinking. She cant face the life she has chosen, no one can force her to do that.
I did tell her that she will always be important to me and that i really want her to have a relationship with our children. I cant do everything for her like i have been but i would help if she asked me to. She didnt say much. I told her that i want to meet the judge as soon as we can so this chapter can be put behind us. She still didnt say much. I said goodbye and asked her to let me know what she was doing about her weekend with the kids. she said she didnt know so i hung up the phone.
I will say that while i was sick, i had a friend from work visit me daily at the hospital. I was her boss until this year and always thought that was it. She started coming by just to say hi, then it was a daily occurance. She then said that she has liked me for almost 3 years and that she just had to say something to me. Thankfully she wasnt too offended when i said that i was shocked by this and that at this point in my life i had no idea where i was going. She was cool with that, continued to spend hours with me to pass the time.
so alot of new developments in my life. But im home again, feeling better and Im gonna win this battle. Oh and im gonna start my life with a fresh new start in the process.
Tank, I'm happy you're back at home. Funny how life throws us a bone now and then isn't it?
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
and really cool on your co-worker... it was "brave" of her to share her feelings and brave of you to be honest with her... nothing wrong with a good friend and companion... if anything happens, it should only be when you are ready...
So glad to hear from you tank and glad you're back home...
You've been fighting a tough battle and my thoughts a prayers remain with you...
queen, life does throw us a bone, hopefully i can enjoy it sometime!
kaffe, she is not cute, but she is a god send. Keeps me on my toes and makes sure i do what im supposed to. I get 4 hours of quiet time while she is here. she doesnt let anyone in to bother me.
i have to say, im in my room as we speak, and my STBXW is in the living room with 7 kids. She just showed up to se me today and see how i was doing. kinda shocked me. She said my mom was going to let her spend the weekend at her place for her visit with the kids.
Well then the kids got home from school and they didnt want mom to leave. So she is staying othe weekend and the kids are having their friends over for a sleep over. Thank god, i have quiet isolation and an onsuite! lol
Not sure why i allowed myself to be talked into this, but i think its just hard for me to say no to the kids right now. My friends came over and we watched a movie and had a good evening.
They all had a good laugh as they think im a lucky SOB and they are glad im not up for poker!
so i feel good. Im handling my health issues, my friends are close, and i dont even feel uncomfortable with her in the house. She has been crying alot, coming in to see if i need anything quit often. Almost like she feels guilty about all this. Well its nice that i can be myself and not nervous or upset with her around.
hi everyone, its been a while. I have been focusing on my health for the last little bit and i am making great strides. I did have surgery to remove the tumor and i am doing well so far.
As for the home front. There is not much change. W likes the "family time" we have. Me, not so much. I have decided that this part time family doesnt work for me or the children. its not realistic and creates confusion.
W does not want the kids at her home, her an OM have been having some major issues. She says it wont last much longer. So basicly she is using him for a roof over her head, food, smokes, drugs and alcohol and as soon as a better option presents itself, she will be gone. She doesnt want to come home, that has been stated.
SS16 has been having some real issues lately. he is stealing from home, school, stores, and smoking and doing drugs. He will not listen at home, hates the world and thinks everyong owes him. He has kicked in the bathroom door to beat up his 14 year old brother. kicked his 8 year old sister cause she wouldnt do what he told her and he hit his aunt with a PS3 controller cause she caught him stealing money from her.
so i made the hardest choice yet, i called both his father and mother, asked them to call and figure out a solution. i didnt hear back from either of them. last night i spoke to W and i told her i was bringing him there, and she got mad at me. It is all my fault, and that i cant move him away from his family.
That was the last straw for me i think. I told her that for almost 2 years i have picked up the pieces of her life. For 2 years i have carried on and kept the family together. Well now, its not my problem, SS16 has 2 parents, its there turn to deal with him. I am done. I drove him into town and left him at her house. was the hardest decision i have made during this time. I just cant deal with his anger and his hatred of everyone. I have 3 other children to protect. maybe, she will step up and help him.
I put the house on the market today. it is time to move on and get a new family home.
well, it didnt last with w and ss16. i should have known better. She lasted 1 day and that was it, she sent him to his fathers.
I am having a real hard time with all of this. I feel like im losing my grasp on my family and there is nothing i can do. I contacted the school social worker and ss16 counselor today so they can contact him and the social worker can help facilitate the school transfer.
If things werent confusing enough before, now i have a son living somewhere else. do things ever get better? sure doesnt seem it from where im sitting.
