A link to my previous thread is above. Recap: The repo man took my W's car this morning. This was the result of several things; her financial irresponsibility and inability to communicate with me, and my inability to swoop in at the last minute and fix everything for her. Also, I spoke to an attorney this morning to figure out what my rights are and how to protect me and the kids.
My W told our 14-year old son this morning the details, or her version of the story as I wasn't there at the time. My son is worried and upset, as expected. He posted something on Facebook about being sad since he just heard his parents were splitting up. He tells me that mom was OK with him posting it. It may actually help him since he has been getting texts and calls from friends and family offering support, and it seems to make him feel better. I'll be getting him into councelling soon to help him through this. I'm not sure if my W has mentioned anything to our daughter yet. She is 11 and has Down Syndrome so I'm not sure if she will completely understand, but then again my daughter often surprises me with her knowledge of things.
I just sent W a text asking her to email me an update on the status of our mortgage restructuring and provide me all the contact info and details. When I eplained the details of the mortgage restructuring to the attorney he said it sounded suspicious. My W has been unable/reluctant to provide me anything in writing. It wouldn't surprise me if we were actually in foreclosure and she was hiding it. I have recently found out that most people consider my W to be a liar and a deceptive person. Gee, wish I would have known that 17 years ago
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
I just sent W a text asking her to email me an update on the status of our mortgage restructuring and provide me all the contact info and details. When I eplained the details of the mortgage restructuring to the attorney he said it sounded suspicious. My W has been unable/reluctant to provide me anything in writing. It wouldn't surprise me if we were actually in foreclosure and she was hiding it. I have recently found out that most people consider my W to be a liar and a deceptive person. Gee, wish I would have known that 17 years ago
Or maybe she's doing a cash-out refi (remember what she did with the car title). In any event, WARNING WARNING WARNING, Will Robinson!
Had a chat with W just now. S14 was out of the house and D 11 was in the other room. We were talking about the details of how things will play out and I gave her my understanding of how things need to progress and how we need to look at the family finances. She responded "sounds like you spoke to a lawyer". I replied that i don't trust her to control the process and I would be a fool not to get professional advice. I explained that i needed to understand the details, but I didn't hire anyone or file anoy papers. She was furious that i spoke to a lawyer without telling her first. She ranted for a while then eventually told me she spoke to one as well. She said she spoke to a lawyer about bankruptcy to erase all the debt. I guess she is looking for the easy out to avoid responsibility for past mistakes, seems like a pattern. I informed her that she doesn't have the ability to make financial decisions for me any longer since I don't trust her words or actions. She complained that she doesn't have a car or any income and she feels like i am hanging her out to dry and I'm trying to stick it to her. I reminded her that i want this process to be fair for everyone and I intend to be civil. I also mentioned that i have never lied, cheated, deceived, or stolen from her, and asked if she could say the same. She didn't respond to that.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
I agree -- nicely done. If you haven't already done so, it's time to get reaalllly comfortable with the phrases "I'm sorry you feel that way," "Everything I'm doing, I'm doing what I think is best for me and the kids," and "That doesn't work for me."
I'm sorry you feel that way really does work!! I have used it a few times and you should see the look on H's face! Priceless. And there wasn't a thing to argue with! Good advice.
More drama this morning. I took the car to work (instead of the bike) because it's supposed to rain later. W has been sending angry texts and voice mails because she had plans and wanted the car. W: "You r the most ignorant and inconsiderate person...this is what u call civil..That is the biggest bunch of bs I have ever heard in my life! You didn't even bother to ask me if I had anything to do today...what if I did?"
Then a little later she texted that she had made plans to take D11 to visit friends but had to cancel. She also left a few angry voicemails and said "stop being a wuss and call me back".
I haven't responded. I did get a voicemail from S14 asking if he could stay at my parents house this weekend because he needed to escape the drama. He also mentioned that W had some social plans this weekend she needed to use the car for. I'm sure my W is on the phone bashing me to her friends and my S14 is hearing it. I feel bad that he has to be exposed to that.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
I just called W. I was worried about her taking her anger with me out on S14. I suggested that she email me a schedule for when she needs to use the car and we could compare that to my schedule and work out a plan. I told her that use of the car, just like managing bills, is something that needs to be planned in advance and she shouldn't expect to have everything go her way. I also reminded her that I needed the contact info for the mortgage restructuring. She became angry and said things like "I thought this was supposed to be civil! You are being unfair".
I replied that I am being civil and everything I'm doing is in the best interest of the kids and me. I also said that my goal throughout this process is to be able to look my son in the eye years from now and truthfully say that I made mistakes, but I tried my best and I'm not ashamed because I never lied, cheated, stole, or did anything to dishonor myself. W replied "As opposed to me, what are you saying?" I replied that everyone makes choices and has to deal with the outcome and live with themselves in the end. W paused for a bit then said"Well...I'm OK with everything I did" My response" I really don't care, I'm only concerned with my own conscious"
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
