I will let you know, I will bottle it and sell it. HAHA. I was out on my job this morning and my mother in law passed and saw me in the parking lot. She stopped to make small talk, she had askede how the kids were doing and I said fine, and she asked if w had them last night and I replied yes and that I picked them up around 10. I told her that it was a good transition and w seemed friendly. She told me that we needed to be friends and with that she had hoped we could put our marriage back together. She told me that she asked w last week if she could swollow her pride and go back home. W responed to her mother, that pride had nothing to do with it, and yes she could go back home, that she was afraid that things would not change. My MIL told me that w noticed the changes in me, and had made comments to her on numerous occasions about them. My MIL was in the bar last wed night when I went there. She told W that he had a good time he laughed and she was happy to see me there.
MIL told me that I sould try to get with w and sit and talk some things out. Maybe go on a date and eat dinner and just make small talk.
She said she was going to talk to her some more, but I made it very clear to her that I wasnt waiting around for w to come back and I felt she didnt need to talk to her. MIL advised that she knows who her daughter is and she knows how to push her buttons and she would do nothing to make it worse or for her to feel like i was waiting for her. I told MIL that I was not trying to be mean by not answering phone but I have to move on. She told me that she would talk to her and all efforts would be to make her feel like her marriage is worth saving.
I dont think at this point I should ask W out to eat dinner. I feel is she wants to talk about R or trying to mend or piece things she would come to me ask if she was ready. This is the part I am not sure about. Should I make the attempt or let it lie for a while longer.
W is leaving in three weeks from now to go off for training for 5 weeks and will not have the chance to come home on weekends. She told her mom that is bothering her badly and didnt like leaving on the terms of what is going on in her and the kids lives right now.
Anyone have any input on the asking out for dinner? I think it may still be to soon. My friend told me to wait and see if she could put 4 days together with the same emotion, as everyday she is eratic on behavior. I dont want to set myself up for a set back if she were to say no. This is a big deal for me, and I dont want to screw this up. PLEASE HELP!!!!
The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change. So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding and love.
I sent this to her by text, from my cell carrier website, it lets you send a free text with saying where it came from.
Just something for her to think about from a good friend.
I dont have much of an issue with not calling or showing emotion around her, I guess to a point that is patience. What I dont like is this sick feeling in my stomach and the patience not to reach out to her. This time of day is tough as she would normally be pulling up to the house from work. I am making dinner for me and kids and only wish she was here. D14 just told me that mom called and wanted to know what we were doing, and she was on her way to her apt. D14 told her she was cleaning her room and she asked if dad got her to do it. D14 said no, it just needed to be done. It a big deal for d14 to do this, as smart and amazing child that she is, she is a bit lazy also. W complaints before she left was about kids not doing there part around the house. OF course they always did what I said when I told them to, but again that is one of the issue's that we argued about was she never to discipline to the next level with the kids. that is why they lost respect for her.
I do know I have to be patient at this point, I know without a doubt it hurts her as much as me to be in this stich. I only hope her mom gets in her head a little bit today when she talks to her.
God puts us in a crisis only to give us a better opportunity one day. I must have faith, and believe in him. I know he will bring me and her and kids through this.
her mom just called me to discuss some help I am trying to give her on a boat she owns. She told me that W just called her and asked if she would come over later when she gets back from shopping. I told my MIL that I didnt want her or w to think i was waiting around for w to come home, that I have been moving on and am getting better everyday with my new stich. She told me not to worry, that she is going to speak with her to help, and if w had any idea that you were not getting on with your life it wouldnt help. She told me she knew what she is doing and wants nothing more than to put it all back together for our family. I guess its now time to sit and wait. I just hope she doesnt destroy what I have done so far, I dont think it will, if even her moms says anything negative, i will continue to not show my cards at his point.
Spoke with Mother in law this morning, she told me she didnt get a chance to speak with w last night. She suggested that I ask w to go out tonight and just sit and have a drink. Not talk about R or kids or anything to do with what has been going on. I told her that I was not sure that was the best thing to do right now. She said she understood, but didnt feel it would hurt anything.
I posted yesterday about this same issue, funny I thought about the same thing asking her out for dinner or such. Still think it may be to soon, or maybe I dont want to be let down by her answer. Or maybe with that I would want more to soon, and kill the patience I have been working on.
I know w is close to a point of wanting to get back to what she lost, I read on hear yesterday, where WAW do not let pride get in the way, and they will use any excuse they can find to come back, finances, kids, work or whatever. I think she would use the kids if anything. She has been making more and more comments to her mom and family about missing the kids so much.
I think at this point I will have to wait it out and let her continue her battle. Unless anyone has been in this position with a positive outcome, I would love to hear about it.
I know w is close to a point of wanting to get back to what she lost
Don't attempt to read her mind - you can't. She'll let you know when she's ready and it will be much more powerful for her when she tells you, not the other way around. Believe me, been down this road a couple.
M: 39 W: 37 Married: 9 D5; S3 "It's Over" 09/26/10 11 Day Sep 10/10 Piecing Starts 11/4/10 Piecing Fails 4/11 I move out 5/11 Hire Lawyer 6/11 - Stall 6/22/11 Piecing #2 - 6/22/11 Home 10/11
