[sinclair]

My name is Sinclair and I have been divorce busting for seven months. I started writing here after having discovered my wife's affair. Through the advice of the members here, I moved my wife to an apartment, limited my contact with her and made firm boundaries between us. In the mean time I got a life and found my own happiness; I also have a new relationship.

A few days ago, my wife informed me that she was pregnant with OM child. She doesn't know if she wants the child. She wants to know if I'd take her back.

We still love each other very much. I've been hoping for this opportunity for so long. But I ask myself, what kind of woman would seriously consider terminating her pregnancy and breaking her relationship with the father to go back to the husband? I can't believe this is happening!

My wife and I have twenty years together. I love her so much, even in spite of what has happened between us, but I have a new girlfriend now and I love her, too. What the hell do I do?

Should I consider this an opportunity for us to work through the details or is she just have second thoughts due the finality of the situation?

My immediate response was no. I told her she chose her path already and things have progresses too far, for too long, to go back. At the same time, I feel that it could work between us and I really do want it. What are the chances of this working? Should I even be considering this as a possibility?

[figgeroni]

Why are you in a new relationship if you are still in love with your wife?

Why are both you and your wife having sex with other people if you love each other?

How did you do work on yourself if you were involved in other relationships?


I would be asking myself these questions

[Brian in Hville]

Only you know what you want. Ask yourself a few questions.

Can you love someone who aborted a baby and left the father to come back to you?

Can you love someone who is having someone else's baby?

Can you forgive yourself the hurt you would place on your new GF if you left to go back to your W?

Has your W made any changes to better herself like you did?

Can you see a long future with your GF?

There are many more but just think about these for a while.

[sinclair]

Thanks Brian,

I've been asking myself a lot of questions. There is one question in particular that stands out the most in my mind: can there really be a committed loving relationship between my wife and I after everything we have been through?

If I knew the answer to that question, I'd be willing to work through the rest. In specific, how do people work through the resentment? For her, I have a twenty-year history of events to overcome; things that I have done or said that she will seemingly never forget. For me, It's an issue of trust; I watched her change from Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde. She's been unfaithful. She caries another man's child. Is it really possible to reestablish trust after such trauma? Have others been successful under similar circumstances?

[Redo]

I would only say to really think about this before you take any decision. Say you agree to work out with your wife, but it fails. You just let go of your GF you say you love. Even the other way is true.

If you decide to work it out with your wife, i think you will have to consider these.

1: Are you really willing to forgive and also forget all this and start fresh.

2: Is she willing to do the same?. What is the past comes up? Will you both start rehashing it or agree to bury it for good.

3: Are you willing to agree for her to terminate her pregnancy? Will you lose respect for her by these actions? If you lose respect for her, how will you love her?

4: If she's willing to go this far with OM, and god forbid if it happens again, will you be able to take it?

5: Will you be able to completely throw away the feelings you have for your GF and go back to your wife with 0 regrets?

So on hand you have a GF with whom you can really start fresh, no good or bad history, but where you have to bury you past and move on. And on the other hand you have your wife, known history. But even here you have to bury your past with your wife and start fresh....

[sinclair]

My wife has been meeting with a psychologist at least once a week for the past 6 months. I've considered asking for a meeting with this person. I would like to know my wife's mental state. She has been suffering from depression for some time and I'm concerned that she's not making good decisions. Perhaps she is not capable of making good decisions. She has recently discontinued her meds due to the pregnancy. I would hate to make an important decision based on some temporary changes in her emotional state.

[OnMyWay]

What exactly would you expect from a meeting with her psychologist? An answer to your question as to the viability of a long term R with ur W?

Perhaps you just answered your own question. Do what's best for you, personally. Do it for yourself. Take care of yourself.

[faithisbelieving]

I've been asking myself a lot of questions. There is one question in particular that stands out the most in my mind: can there really be a committed loving relationship between my wife and I after everything we have been through?

No. Move on. This is an unhealthy relationship IMO. I recommend that you not look back. FIB