H does not wear his ring. He never did except for special occasions. I never took my ring off, and when I did it was just to get his attention. It didn’t work, and I felt naked, and put it back on. A year or two later and things looked worse I took it off again, and have not put it back on yet.
The couch! Wow I hated that the couch was so comfortable that H could spend every night for almost 6 years on that couch! It still amazes me that when I slept alone I could hear so many noises he made on the opposite end of the house, and now he sleeps next to me and I don’t hear when he gets in and out of bed most of the time. But the couch is still here, for now, but may soon be replaced. Some friends are furniture shopping and their good used stuff will be up for grabs.
I’m not saying anything I did brought H back home. I’m just saying the opposite of that and I did things that kept him away. Some things were trivial that he used for a reason to blow up. Some things I did I considered ‘right’ but he didn’t and he fueled his anger. It was only when I finally got myself right enough most of the time and led my own life, moved forward with my life but left room for him to join me, and left him living the life he created and thought he wanted, THAT is when the slow wide turn home started for H.
My H isn’t perfect, but I didn’t believe he was a bad guy. If he was then I was very wrong when I married him. He is a very caring man, and I feel ow used that to her advantage while she dug her claws in to hook him. H feeds off of praise and people telling him how great he is. Ow fed that, she used him, and when H couldn’t make that final break from our place to hers I think she dropped him when he was of no use to her any longer.
I do want more with H than what we have now. I want the romance and passion that we had, but I have to be realistic too. My body has been thru surgeries and I honestly do not know how to have the physical R that we once had. I let it slide because I didn’t have to relearn how. Now it’s been so long so we’ve had a good physical R that I am unsure of the next step. I did plant a seed a few months ago, about addressing the lack of a good physical R, because it will take both of us to learn what’s next. I also remember that my H considers himself shy and without confidence, so I have to figure out where I have to take the lead so we don’t stay stuck.
Remember – time and patience are my best friends. Not everyone has the 'luxury' that I had because my H did not file. He did everything else, but something stopped him from that legal step.
Eeww, all those old threads? That would be excrutiating. I couldn’t do it. I don’t want to go back to those memories. Ick.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Life is progressing here at the ranch. We continue to crawl the pace of snails towards a better M. That seed I planted a few months back has started to take root.
The couch is almost gone, it's replacement is ready. In some odd way it will be a little sad to see that piece of our life go out the door. Isn't that odd? I hated all those years H slept on that couch. But yet, those years brought us to today.
I've been in my own slump this winter, not much ambition and I have to talk myself into doing anything. Good thing it has been a busier winter than past years so I can't just do nothing all the time!
Chin up, eyes on the horizon!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
"Chin up, eyes on the horizon!" I like that attitude. I need it for myself. Also been feeling unmotivated, but nothing to do with M or H. I guess, just being in the house too much. Need to get out.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Just stopping in to check on you and say hi! Hope all is well and that your H continues to move towards you, but gee I wish it was a tad faster than a snails pace.
Sping is here and I am sure you will get your groove back.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Spring has sprung early this year and it's been busy - at home, at work, in life. I guess that's good but but but....oh well, complaining doesn't get it done!
Life has been good, although I think what I've finally hit on is that I don't feel passionate about anything anymore. I have fun, I am busy, I love so much of my life, but I have not had the burst of passion that I used to have. So often I still feel like a cloud is hovering and I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, that I am still waiting for H to say he will be gone.
He gives no hint of that, in fact he's more involved than he has been in years and I have to adjust that too. It's balancing when he wants to take the lead and yet when I am supposed to do what I did while H was fogged up.
Idunno, at times I wonder if H is waitig for me to step up and be more physical like we once were. Those gentle brushes of fingers as we pass each other, a simple hug hello and goodbye, reaching for his hand as we walk in from an evening of activity. He always said he was shy, yet if he is giving any clues of wanting that again I am really missing it!
Embrace and Enjoy!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
WCW, Happy Spring to you too! Spring came early here too. Flowers, etc., are blooming a month ahead of time and it makes me wonder what the summer will hold for us, i.e., hot and dry.
Have you given any thought to what might be behind your feelings? Maybe what happened is that you worked so very hard to hold things together while your h was traveling the time zone and now that the dust has settled, you have finally gotten to a place where you no longer have to "push yourself" as hard to maintain a normal way of life. You climbed the mountain of hurt, pain and disappointment and now that you've claimed the mountain, you very well might be sitting there thinking "what's left".
Your h is waiting on you to give him some a sign that you are now ready to be more physical. He knows that he has hurt you, but is afraid to reach out for fear that you will turn him away. WCW, you may just have to reach out a bit further to see if it is his shyness or if he is scared that you will turn away from him. Think back to your "dating" days and go from there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm going to get in trouble for saying this.... Have you though about tying him to the bed and having your way with him?
Okay not really that, but maybe you should not worry so much about all your little imperfections, but just reach out to him.
I hate that we get frozen in place and fret so much about little stuff. I know you don't want to scare him off. On another thread we have talked about "Operation Feral Cat".
Which you have been doing for years with him. Maybe it it time to pick up that cat and see if ir purrs!
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
