My W was complaining today about spending all morning on-line filling out job aplications. Then she made a comment that there were some bills that needed to be paid this week and did I have the money to cover them. She is aware that I am having a portion of my pay direct deposited into an account that she doesn't have assess to. I was doing my best positive attitude and told her to stick to it and everything would work out. I really wanted to say "why did you wait until the last week of unemployment to start looking for a job?". We don't have a lot of money, If we did I would spend it on a DB coach. As things stand, I just trying to get by using the knowledge from this forum (which is great) and the DR, DB boos.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
I just realized that my posts popped right up. No more 2 day delay, YIPPEE!
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
another journal entry while I have a chance. Can't check forum during the day at work beacuse my IT system blocks it (thinks it's porn). W is at the store. She didn't leave the house all day but waits for me to get home from work so I can help D with homework and brush her hair after shower. W texts me as she goes from one store to another and gives periodic updates. I sent her one text because S told me we were out of bread. I am trying to be detached, give space, and not pursue. Before I found this forum I was texting her periodically with "hows it goin, where are you ? etc.". She has been out for 3 hours so far, Is that a long time to go to Target & The Dollar Store even if they are 30-minutes away? I predict that she will come home with 3 bags from each store. In my pre-DB past I had asked why it takes 3 or 4 hours to buy a few bags of stuff. W said it relaxes her to just to walk around and look at all the stuff in the store. This concept is
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
Checking the internet history tonight. I often check it since I have a teen age son who uses my PC. I noticed that my W downloaded a marriage announcement sent from a friend. I asked her 2 days ago if she heard when the wedding would be scheduled, she said she didn't know. The friend recently lost his father and W said the friend was probably too busy to worry about marriage arrangements. This friend is someone my W grew up with and I am not close with him. M wife was obviously lying to me since the wedding is only 2 weeks away and she probably doesn't intend to bring me. We live together and sleep in the same bed so I'm wondering if she is going to make up a "going out with the girls" story or tell me the truth. Give her track record I predict a lie. One interesting note, the suspected OM from my W youth is also friends with the guy who is getting married. I wonder if she plans to spend the night with him? Should I confront that I know about the wedding, or should I play along with the lie and just keep a hapy face?
I would say this is a huge red flag. Sorry I don't have any advice how to react other than If you confront she will lie so dont waste your breath, but I would be willing to bet that you are dead on regarding her plans. It sounds so much like some sh!7 my XW would pull to spend time with OM.
Sorry this is happening. I have been there and know the pain. Just know you are not alone in this.
Well its been a few days and w hasn't said a peep about her friends wedding in 2 weeks. I'm doing the gal and trying to do things for me. I went to a happy hour tonight and exceeded my 3 beer limit, so I'm crashing on an air mattress at friends house.g. not sure if w missed me tonight, but I'd suspect she spent a lot of time on the phone with on.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
Haven't posted in a while because sitch hasn't changed much. I have been following DB and not initiated any R talks, problem is, W hasn't initiated any either. It's been 5 or 6 weeks of continual limbo. We sleep in the same bed, treat each other well in front of the kids, and continue to lead parallel (platonic) lives like roommates. I keep up my PMA, resist the urge to pursue and question, work on GAL, but things don't seem to improve. I just found out W was behind on some bills and I called to see what was up. I asked: " why didn't you say something ?". She responded: "I don't know what to say, things between us are difficult, I don't know which was way is up, we should talk" I replied: "I'm home every day and always available to talk"
She then went on to say how she wanted to have a long talk a month ago, but I wasn't available and I never rescheduled it, and things just aren't working out between us, and something has to change and she just can't go on like this. I asked what kind of change she thought would make her happy and she replied: "I told you months ago". At this point my version of history and hers started to diverge and I resisted the urge to argue. My understanding all along is that she was unhappy, confused, and didn't know what would make her happy. I was backing off and giving her room to figure things out while I did the DB and GAL. I think she decided a while ago how she wanted things to turn out, and maybe she just assumed that I figured it out. I guess we will have a R talk tonight when I get home from work. Any advice?
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
Just another note that may help clarify my sitch. W got her last unemployment check 2 weeks ago. She doesn't have a job lined up yet and is getting nervous about how she is going to pay for school, she is 2 years away from a degree in a new career field. She wants to get a PT job with flexible hours so she can continue to attend class. I make just enough to cover the family bills without much extra. I'm sure her ideal scenario is for me to move out and continue to pay all her bills and support her and the kids. The only problem is that would leave me with no money to support myself. My W has some friends in the area that she could probably move in with, but I doubt she would consider leaving the house and kids with me. She has a few divorced girlfriends that she talks to frequently and I'm sure she is getting lots of legal advice from them. I feel part of my W's resentment and anger towards me is due to the fact that she is trapped in the same house with me due to financial reasons. I't seems that no matter how hard I DB I just can't overcome that hurdle.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
Just another note that may help clarify my sitch. W got her last unemployment check 2 weeks ago. She doesn't have a job lined up yet and is getting nervous about how she is going to pay for school, she is 2 years away from a degree in a new career field. She wants to get a PT job with flexible hours so she can continue to attend class. I make just enough to cover the family bills without much extra. I'm sure her ideal scenario is for me to move out and continue to pay all her bills and support her and the kids. The only problem is that would leave me with no money to support myself. My W has some friends in the area that she could probably move in with, but I doubt she would consider leaving the house and kids with me. She has a few divorced girlfriends that she talks to frequently and I'm sure she is getting lots of legal advice from them. I feel part of my W's resentment and anger towards me is due to the fact that she is trapped in the same house with me due to financial reasons. I't seems that no matter how hard I DB I just can't overcome that hurdle.
Boom,
Your wife is the one running away from the marriage and the family; she is the one who should finance the flight. Either entirely, or certainly in proportion to your incomes (hers being imputed as a reasonable part-time income at MINIMUM, if not full-time). It's not your responsibility to finance her "finding herself."
This is her journey; let her walk it (and pay for it). As a friend of mine used to say, "It's time for her to put on her BGPs" (Big-Girl Panties)
I haven't really followed your sitch that closely; is there a OM involved?
She then went on to say how she wanted to have a long talk a month ago, but I wasn't available and I never rescheduled it, and things just aren't working out between us, and something has to change and she just can't go on like this.
Did you agree with her? Did you say: Yeah your right, this isn't working for me either. You should start lookig for another place to live.
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W got her last unemployment check 2 weeks ago. She doesn't have a job lined up yet and is getting nervous about how she is going to pay for school, she is 2 years away from a degree in a new career field. She wants to get a PT job with flexible hours so she can continue to attend class. I make just enough to cover the family bills without much extra. I'm sure her ideal scenario is for me to move out and continue to pay all her bills and support her and the kids.
Remeber the LBS creed, let her problems BE her problems.
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The only problem is that would leave me with no money to support myself
Seems pretty substantial to me. Is she concerned about this for you?
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She has a few divorced girlfriends that she talks to frequently and I'm sure she is getting lots of legal advice from them.
Mind reading, but she may be getting advice.
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I feel part of my W's resentment and anger towards me is due to the fact that she is trapped in the same house with me due to financial reasons. I't seems that no matter how hard I DB I just can't overcome that hurdle.
Maybe she can stay with one of those D girlfriends of hers.
It can be debated whether or not it is a good thing for the WAS to leave the home. It helped me in my Sitch. I know it's hard living with someone who doesn't want to be there. I beleive my W felt the same way, She was a SAHMom. Once she secured a nice paying job, she saw it as her way out of the M.
Continue to GAL and be happy. She will notice.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
