thx. well, W getting into the young one means more attention FROM me once again. I just want com[panionship for god sakes andI just did 20 years with kids. I'm ready to be with my W.
ow sort of angered me with talks of yet another guy and I pretty much hung up on that whole scene. I could dig the lunch scene cuase she wasnt the only other person there but I sure missed a lot of them too. So lets increase the silence more on that scene. I hate to do it, but it seems to make me feel much much better the more away I am from it.
I understand your wanting to spend time alone with your W. She shouldn't have cancelled with you if you had plans together. I'm just saying that I know how captivating a new baby can be. I have grandkids myself. I would also gladly raise a ton more kids, so perhaps I'm unusual in that respect.
Well, maybe OW will eventually find somebody else to eat with, so you can go back to eating with your usual group. It would seem that she was trying to make you jealous. Perhaps she didn't like that she was dropped. You just need to ignore the whole business. Otherwise, I think you might get sucked in again when things aren't going so well at home. Just my opinion...
yes Rayenne, This ow was a tad upset when I began bailing on the lunches. I recovered once and thought I could handle her casually but got all caught up again in her and now am recovered again to quite a degree. The rest of the group wants to begin walking at lunch when the weather gets nice and has been very vague on the ow's involvement. I think she plays that jealousy thing even with her H.
Right now, I have swung my attention to W who is quite stressed with her mom. She is forcing her mom to do things now and her mom just enjoys sitting and watching tv and do nothing but ask for things. I told W I agree with her getting her mom into doing her own little things. The stress on me is beyond feeling now. I am just numb from it and just come to work and work then go home. I have found a project or two to keepo me occupied at home and I am reading like crazy. Needless to say the bedroom is quite quiet and really has been for several weeks. Mentally I have had peace on occassion enough in the middle of the night to be ready for action (if you understand) but with W sleeping soundly next to me. SO I have a doc appt soon on mnany meds and such that I am on and the doc is aware of all of this.
I think OW is going to find herself without a H or any friends. She acts like a high school girl.
Walks at lunch might be rather nice if they didn't include OW. I walk quite a bit. It's a really good stress reliever.
Getting your MIL to do things for herself would be good for all three of you. It can't be in her best interest to just sit around either. You age really fast that way.
I'm sorry. I definitely know what stress feels like. It's not fun.
Yes, I do catch your drift. You obviously haven't read any of my other threads or you wouldn't ask that. I'm teasing. Obviously you were posting to more than just me. I Know that is rough also. Sorry.
Hi, Johnny. Thanks for the thanks when you visited my thread.
You are in a helluva sitch. I almost imposed my blind mother on my wife a few years back, without even thinking what an awful brew that would have cooked up. I was really uncaring about her feelings -- was just going to impose a mil on my W and expect her to drink up the consequences. I even put a deposit down on a rental house with three bedrooms.
Well, now that I think about it, that episode was an example of how much I took my wife for granted.!
Y'know, I think it is OK in theory to take one's mate for granted because that is the sine qua non of marriage -- each mate feels that the other always will be there! But it reality that attitude can be a killer! I think wives always need more attention and care than the H is inclined to give.
My WAW is now living alone, and she told our C that she gets "lonely" some times, but she has an OM in a distant city whom she is pining over and is now living her "own" life.
She is a singer, and she is practicing an aria from "Orfeo ed Euridice" (Gluck). She tearfully told our C that when she sings the aria, which mourns the eternal loss of a spouse, she thinks of me!
Ain't that sumpin'? It's these rare remarks of affection that throw me off balance. At the same C session, though, she delved up some stuff I had never known about and threw it is my face! Well, man, I had tears running down my cheeks, and I had to ask her for a hug in the hallway after the session. She obliged.
We then went out for lunch, and when we hugged for a long time in the parking lot, she was crying!
Yecchh. Boy, do I need that Buenos Aires break!.I'm sure I won't get into this kind of emotional turmoil with my daughter! (She's the one who invited me there.) (More info here.)
As for your own sitch, I think you are going to have to find the spunk to say, "It's either Mom or me, kid!" Well, not is such a peremptory way, but kindly.
Is there any indication that a written communication, tenderly put, would do more good than that continued verbal jousting?
Yeah, well, W has me guilty as hell for doing anything so as much as like take a nap on the bed in the other room, I get the slams and the yells. If we all can't be miserable then no one is to get any rest! She brought this crap in here and now is finsing all sorts of time for what appears to be my stepsons new baby out of wedlock. Now I'm supposed ot watch MIL whiel she goes baby shopping with him. I've really had it. I'm at the bottom of the pile and I just am tired of it. I am going to give her the benefit of knowing why I'm thnking of leaving and I may actually do it. If I had the monry to I would have done it by now. I have really had it.
I went out and bought our dinner this evening after she made dinner for just her mom yet again. Sure I ca cook. So can she but I went and bought it. Mentally I'm a total wreck. Warm weather is coming and I a not plannig on being around much. I have had all I can stand between this and work.
I vowed to end my threads here soon and I will be doing just that. If anyone wants to bother responding go ahead. I'll be checking in but I am so *issed off I have no more words.
Johnny, Yeah, this is hard stuff alright, but stuff that has been brought upon yourself by you. I can't imagine you have allowed your wife to dictate your entire life for the past 20 years of your marriage, let alone she putting up with you for a 20 year marriage. Where is your backbone? You have been on the mlc board for months now playing the pity me game. Why is your mil not in a rehab facility if she is so bad off? My uncle, after having a stroke of his own spent months in rehab before coming home. My friend's father is still in a rehab home after nearly 2 years of stroke recovery. They simply don't allow the patient to come home without sufficient care. Both of you work. You need to have fulltime at home, round the clock care as provided by medicare/medicaid. If you don't have it, inquire about it. Your mil is of the age to qualify.
You have been given many suggestions to improve your lot at home. Number one is cutting the ow out of your life. That includes lunch. One day you say she's out of your life, the next day you're jealous because she talks about another man. You need to concentrate on your own marriage and not complicate it further with someone else. You are most definitely in a crisis mode and the sooner you seek help the sooner you will get to the root of the problem, and no, your wife is not 100% the problem as you've said before.
Yep. Thanks Sting. Why do you come here, huh? You know sometimes your keyboard is best left untouched.
As I grow a backbone, let's see if I can add another divorced woman to the pile. I've had enough. We'll see how much backbone that takes now won't we? I gave a woman a home and friendship for 20 years I'd like you to know and raised two sons for her, one of which damn near killed me and still might.
I sure didn't come here for pitty. Enjoy your board and find someone else to bash cause it takes more spine to just shut the hell up than you'll ever know. I have a lob of spit for certain people around here for some of the things that have been said which I certainly don't appreciate. If it applies to you then take take the spit.
Johnny, I won't take that spit. I've got plenty of backbone. I've taken the time to read what you've written on the mlc board since the day you came, without judgment. I gave you plenty of suggestions and asked numerous questions to try to help understand all of the emotions you have been feeling and what a terrible time you've been having with your living situation. If you think I've bashed you, I think you better read again. I'm trying to get you to think about your situation not only from your point of view but also from your wife's. She's having a difficult time, and it's not easy caring for an elderly sick parent. If you think my keyboard is better left untouched, maybe it's because I've struck a nerve of truth.
Well, Stings, I'll tell you what positive I've done. W is in a gym now. I've offered to babysit so she can get some relief. I have broken all contact with ow. ALL CONTACT, without being rude either. I can see this contact being broken for at least three months now with her and I in differant jobs in differant buildings and overwhelmed in both places. I have no interest in contacting her for anything. I dont need to.
MIL has an in-home therapy to work on her. It is up to her to get her butt in gear with our help. I'd like to be able to enjoy my grandson and am trying to be part of this little group in my house. Spine? I've got spine! I'm not afraid to show my spine but can they handle it when I start making adjustments? Well, they are going to have to. AM I entitled to a life at all of MY OWN? Dont answer that.
I definitely know what stress feels like.
I'm teasing. Obviously you were posting to more than just me.