being 34, i have no idea what the real MLC is all about. i have experienced what I like to call a TLC - third-life-crisis...
and it's a thing where I look forward and ask myself "do I really want to be doing this 10 years from now? 20 years? OMG - i'm edging up closer and closer to the top of hill... better get my life in order for the slipperly slide down the other side, you know?
I don't NOT want to be in a friendshipless relationship I DO want to be a "perfect" wife and mother. I DO want to experience real-live JOY with my H. I don't want to be lonely.
I know, I know ~ my goals at this point are broad and vague, but... they keep my chin pointed in the right direction... and they help me everytime my fingers start itching to email ole "you-know-who". Do you have goals like this JohnnyU?
Charcoal, Yes, you are experiencing a third life crisis. Some people would call it an identity crisis or an MLC. You've recognized your symptoms and you apparently are trying to figure things out. You will work through your concerns one by one. Please stay away from the internet relationships. They will destroy what you have at home. If you can't kick the internet addiction on your own, please seek the assistance of a group, quite similiar to AA in this area of addictive personalities. Pleaes give your husband and marriage a chance. The grass really isn't any greener on the other side. If you would like to chat further, I'm over on the mlc forum. You can find me there. You and the other posters are welcome over there too. I commend you for recognizing your problems and facing them. It's not easy to do sometimes.
Johnny, No one has called you a liar. I've called you on several issues that you have been extremely vague about since you began posting on Michele's Forms in December. You have a tendency to "drop" hints of things and never come back to explain what those hints are. You have given everyone the impression that the OW was chasing after you. Maybe she was in the beginning, but I don't see where you were discouraging her one bit from what you've posted. Do you not know what the words "No, I'm not interested, thanks any way" mean? Here you are now doing the chasing and it appears that her pursuit has cooled down quite a bit. You both are adults and one of you needs to stop the merry go round before others in both families get hurt in the process. Have you ever stopped and wondered just how your attitude may have contributed to the problems in your home right now? We are only hearing one side of the story and if you get this upset every time someone questions you about something, I can just imagine what a real prize you are to live with. Take a moment, go look at yourself in the mirror, and ask yourself this, "what have I done to contribute to the breakdown of my marriage?" True, there is a lot of stress in your home right now, but I can't imagine anyone talking about their ill mother-inlaw the way you have. You should be ashamed of yourself. She can't help the fact that she's had a stroke and now needs to rely on your family to help her until she's able to live on her own. You have remodeling projects in your home that haven't been completed. I can just imagine how your w feels about walking around projects that haven't been completed. What about the stairs? Are they in your home or your father's? One day they are in your home and the next you are stating they are in your father's place. Johnny, you stated that you were on meds. You not only need the meds, but you need to be seeking the assistance of a professional. You need to be speaking to a professional about all of your issues and problems. Your world is part reality and part fantasy. All mlcers have a fantasy world they escape to. All that we can do is listen and offer up suggestions, which you haven't acted upon. Yes, I'm going to smack your hands because you need to stop contacting the OW and take care of yourself both mentally and physically. What about the internet and the chatrooms? You've admitted to almost having an EA w/someone in the chatrooms. That's a no go too. Here you are not only on this thread, but on the mlc thread wanting people to post to you off the board. From what I've seen, mostly women post to you on your threads. Johnny, please do yourself a favor and schedule an appointment today with a professional. You have a long standing marriage and I would hate to see you screw up and lose your w and family over this fantasy life you are attempting to live. OW are not the answer to the problems that you are experiencing at home. You can do something about the problems at home if you really wanted to try to work on them. Coming here constantly whining about the problems will not resolve them. You have to take action to correct them. Okay? You have heard this same advice repeatedly and you aren't doing anything to remedy your stressful situation. Do you enjoy living this way and whining about how horrible your home life is? I would think you would want to get to the root of your issues/problems and find a happy balance both at work and at home. Think about it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
snoderly has said it all... mlc or not...you already are aware of the fact that what you are doing re ow is not working for your m...and sheesh man trying to blame the ow...because she persued you...well then just about every wife in america should be allowed to have an affair and blame it on the man persuing her...
you need to focus on yourself..your role in the break down of the m
your reactions instead of actions...
time to take resposibilty for yourself and not blame others...
Quoting snodderly: Charcoal, Yes, you are experiencing a third life crisis. Some people would call it an identity crisis or an MLC. You've recognized your symptoms and you apparently are trying to figure things out. You will work through your concerns one by one. Please stay away from the internet relationships. They will destroy what you have at home. If you can't kick the internet addiction on your own, please seek the assistance of a group, quite similiar to AA in this area of addictive personalities. Pleaes give your husband and marriage a chance. The grass really isn't any greener on the other side. If you would like to chat further, I'm over on the mlc forum. You can find me there. You and the other posters are welcome over there too. I commend you for recognizing your problems and facing them. It's not easy to do sometimes.
snod ~ i do treat it like an "addiction". I intend to bring it up in my C session this afternoon ~ and ~ I started attending Al-Anon last night too. I did 12 step programs for a few years in my adolescence, but it is definintely time for another 4th Step (OH! and it's been 9 days since I talked to E-OM...!)
I have a few pals I met on line that I still talk to via email ~ but I think i've done very well in going to my particular BBS only for the information which original caused me to seek it out. It's kinda like going to a keg party and not drinking. I think it'll be okay as long as I keep looking it in the face.
Charcoal, Take it one step at a time and one day at a time. If you backslide, don't get discouraged, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. It's not an easy addiction to shake because we all use computers at some point during the day. I'm proud of you! You managed to go for more than just a few days without talking to him. Now treat yourself to something nice, because you deserve it. In AA, they give them chips when they've hit the 30 day mark w/o a drink. Why not try to set a goal for yourself and when you've reached that goal, go out and do something nice for yourself. I admire you for the fact that you are facing your issues and are trying to do something about them. This tells me you are determined to beat this addition. Don't ever feel that you are alone, because you aren't. There are many wonderful people in all of Michele's forums that are willing to listen and help others. Keep at it. I'll check in to see how you are doing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey hog the thread all you want. I'm done with it. I'll get myself fixed "again" but the problems are with W. Ha ve have stated it to many a person hence why everyone stays away from her. I am the only fool who put up with it and a divorce may not get busted. The woman needs the help. ok? Whining will stop. I'm on AD's for various reasons but I don't see myself coming oiff of them anytime soon.
Thanks all. I'll go back to being everyones whippng boy here and if some things are unclear it may be because I type slower than I think and I have a computer with one of these touch pads that screws things up on me once in a while. The steps were in both my dads and MY house. So if it seemed like one time they are there then one time they are in my place thats because they were. Due to lack of space from all of my MILS stuff filling my home (which I allowed), we didnt have room to build them here. So we built them a mile or so away and when the casing was built, we brought them
to myplace and installed them. I now can go up and down my steps without needing to go around outside. sheesh.
I opened up for some help and looks like I got it. You'll see no more of this fool on your board.
Any ladies out there thinking of hitting on a guy at your work, do everyone a favor and just don't even start what you cant finish. Yes snods, you read it right. She intially did it and I entertained the thought later on and got quite caught up as you can see. I'm human and I will stop this craziness. It has been 6 months nearly.
Snods, ya got me good and I thank you. i have no plans on doing an ow activities and have not since last friday. I cant I wont and thats that. The help I am going to seek will be to handle this home business. If W doesnt shape up and do the same, I'm gonna have to go before I have a friggin heart attack. Its quite unbearable at times and having a stroke victim who thinks she is going to heal by just sitting and watching TV isn t helping at all.
i was GLAD to hear someone else was feeling like me
i don't know the apparent history between snodderly and you but it seemed to this newcomer there was a whole lotta "let me fix you" going on in snod's replies...
and ~ it's none of my business
but, it was helpful to know that i wasn't out here all alone floating in the mire, so, thanks for that...
sheeyooot, we all have problems right? are we not, in fact TRYING to work on them?
it is not neccesary for you to leave this board...if you want help or just to disucuss your feelings...you are not alone in how you feel about things...I'm sure if you sit back and think about it w might just be saying the same things about you...after all no one is perfect...why not go read the "why should I be the first to change"
something has to happen and apparently it's a bit more than you just stopping contact with this ow...something enabled you to accept her advances...why not work on it.
(OH! and it's been 9 days since I talked to E-OM...!)