be cool.. you can handle this..don't think about what today means to you.. do this for your son, give him a very special day to remember of seeing his parents together on a day that represents love
good luck to you !!
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
"be cool.. you can handle this..don't think about what today means to you.. do this for your son, give him a very special day to remember of seeing his parents together on a day that represents love"
ahhhh he is coming here in a half hour we are going to my sons class laden with cupcakes, valentines, lollies and a guitar to party with a few 8 year olds i don't bring up what this day is to me...right???
RIGHT????
Grr... absolutely, under no circumstances, do you bring up what today means to you to your H.
NO, No, no...
Remember the 2x4s that you got the other day? Do you want more?
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Its so painful, that is true. In my fog, my H believes that he never loved me, that he married his best frined.
He does not even want to be reminded of the good memories . he thinks talking about them are my way of pressuring him into feeling guilty.
But yesterday, after not being able to stand it anymore because I could not even talk about these things to friends when they are over; I just had to talk about it.
I asked him if he still vaues and treasures those memories, and he actually said yes. And I said did we want out D to remember and think she had a happy childhood. And he said yes.
And so I told him to separate what was happening now from what our past was, not to blame the past for the present. And he told me .... well said!
And here is our story as well....
We both worked in a hospital, me an attending, he a resident. I did not meet him until the day we had an outreach project to treat the underserved people in a remote town. When I first saw him, he came up to me and offered me a newspaper to read while waiting for some people, and I heard a voice telling me "This person will be important in your life..."
I was surpised, thinking 'What the.... why? will he help my career?"
When we first met, I was engaged, in a stormy, competitive relationship that just did not work. He was looking for one and dating. I met his dates and gave my opinion. I cried on his shoulder when I broke my engagement. He confided to me when his dates turned out to be disappointing. We would gather friends and leave at a moments notice, staying at the beach, drinking tequila and beer. We were not afraid to act silly in front of each other. I was his mentor, but his friend as well. When we explored new places, I was never afraid, knowing that I could trust him with my life. It was the sweet taste of freedom.
We went to many places together. We went hunting, we went fishing. We drank of nature’s bounty together, exalted in the strength our young bodies had then, challenged mountains, walked swamps, exhilarated in the thrill of the chase.
That was our strength – we had the same eyes that saw the beauty of the horizon melding with the sky at sunrise, the silhouette of ducks flying across, felt the same jump of the heart upon hearing that first cry in the stillness of the morning. The heavy scent of morning dew on the grass. The anticipation that a bend in the road would bring on a new vista, a breathtaking scenery that made us appreciate why we are here, alive.
And now, I am slowly dying a thousand deaths..... losing my buddy, my best friend, my love.
What's there to celebrate V-day for?
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
First, I need to back up to the V day before I met H (I met him at the end of April). I was determined to not sit at home alone, having broken up the month before with an ex-boyfriend, though I knew it was coming for months. I wasn't upset, but didn't want to mope either. So I did speed dating that V day. It was fun, nothing serious. I posted this on someone's thread already about V day. What I didn't post was later that evening I had excepted a coffee invitation as a blind date sort of, with a guy named Charles. Not really a date, just coffee. I had talked to him a few times before by phone and e-mail, seemed like a nice guy. I hesitated to meet for coffee but decided to go anyway. He was a policeman, knew his sister so I thought why not. Coffee was great. He was a really, really nice guy. He was a gentleman and a Christian, a dad of 2 small boys, a police officer with quite a few commendations, special forces in the military, volunteered for little league and his church youth group, had spent the day helping his mom out. What a nice guy, huh? And he was handsome as all get out. I hit the date jackpot. I had fun, we talked a lot, we had a ton in common. We planned to meet a few days later, on that Saturday for dinner and a real date. We talked on the phone and through e-mail a lot that week. On that Friday night, he was killed on duty. He was supposed to have called me that Saturday morning about dinner but never called. I saw his photo on the local news and that's how I learned about his death. He was chasing someone and hit a underpass and died instantly.
I was a wreck. I felt horrible for his mom, his sister, his boys. I felt like I had jinxed him or something. I don't know why God decided for us to meet like that, only to have him die days later but I felt like we were supposed to meet. All the stuff you tell people when you first start to date.. about your family, your life... things you don't tell others but should, like how much you respect your mom and look up to your sister, etc. I got to tell his family those things for him, the things he told me just days earlier. I even got to tell his XW how much he still cared about her and what a great mom he thought she was. So our next date was his funeral.
Months later, I was doing the dating site scene and H was my 3rd date of the day. I was serious about shopping around before I got into another R! lol I had a lunch date with a smoking hot European, a photo club date with another guy after that and then dinner with H. As H jokes I "didn't pay for a meal for months". I had been talking to H (and dozens of others) on-line for a couple of weeks. I honestly wasn't all that interested in him by his profile and photos. When I met him for dinner at a restaurant at the mall, he told me to take a chair and I took his by accident. Completely threw him off his game. Dinner was ok, but nothing I would've considered great or love at first sight. After dinner he asked if I wanted to take a walk through the mall and I said ok. We found out we had a lot in common. We talked for 3 hours straight. We sat outside at a fountain and as we were sitting there, a huge shooting star flew through the sky. The biggest, brightest one I've ever seen as it was still very visible with all the lights around us. It was then that I became interested in him enough to accept a 2nd date (something I rarely did). Later, he confided in me that he too didn't feel much during dinner and that it was the walk and sitting by fountain talking later that he became interested and knew he wanted to be exclusive.
Stars became our thing after that. Looking for shooting stars together, starfish and stars for our wedding, I was with the boys the first time they saw a shooting star, H bought a ceiling constellation lamp for me the first birthday with him. For my birthday a few months ago, I received jewelry with stars on it. I always thought if we ever had a little girl her middle name would've been Star.
But I always, always believed that that star that flew past us on our first date was a sign. I had asked Charles to send me a good man. To give me a sign when I had found him. I thought that finding my H, who was indeed my Prince Charming for so long... was a gift from God, my son and Charles. That after all the bad stuff I'd been through, here was a miracle. True love, fairy tales and all. It was that way, for 2 years. I would lay awake a night, literally counting my blessings and thanking God.
So today, V day, will always remind me of Charles but not in a sad way or a romantic way.. but in a guardian angel kind of way. I hope he did send that star. I hope H is the answer to all my prayers of finding a good man.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
my husband tells me things like that he loves me, not in love
i am letting him go and seeing where that leads us
there are only so many times i can hear those words
hope, i know that charles is watching out for you you are doing so well with everything keep it up you are certainly a star here (there and everywhere)
