I would defriend her. check out. I understand that a 180 is coming out of your shell, but joining fb and friending her seems like pursuit to me. If this is how she ends your marriage, do you really want to be her friend?
Actually I didn't ask to "friend" her. Quite sometime ago she (and a couple of other friends) had invited me, so that invitation was pending this whole time, and when I opened my FB account, I just accepted the requests.
I wouldn't comment or 'like' anything on her account.
As far as whether or not you should 'defriend' her goes, that is a tough call. It depends. FB can be useful in providing a window into your life for your W to see how you are doing just fine without her. It is a great place to post some of what you are doing to GAL and even pictures sometimes. If you choose to use FB this way, make sure not to go overboard. You don't want to use it to try and make W jealous by posting pics of OW or anything like that. I believe that this can back fire.
Now the downside to be friends with W on FB is that it also provides a window into her life. So, if she is posting things that seem to make her life look grand and wonderful, this can hurt you. I've also seen a couple of bad sitch's where the WAS has actually posted pics of OP on FB. This would be devastating.
I have chosen to stay friends with my W. Early on, I used it as a window for W to see that I wasn't just sitting at home waiting for her to call me. So far, I have not been burned too badly with the view into her life. She periodically posts what she is doing, but nothing has been out of the ordinary or stuff that she wouldn't have been doing even if we were together.
Gotta use your own judgment here.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Agreed. That IS the way I'm using FB - to have a life outside of what's going on right now. Another plus I see about posting on FB and here is that I have a daily journal of sorts that, if needed in a legal setting, can be used as proof.
I did. I got to spend time with W which was good. Still a bit uncomfortable, but good.
What do you mean by using FB as a journal? You don't want to talk on FB that what you are doing is a means to get W back. You don't want to give her a window into your playbook and strategy.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I did. I got to spend time with W which was good. Still a bit uncomfortable, but good.
What do you mean by using FB as a journal? You don't want to talk on FB that what you are doing is a means to get W back. You don't want to give her a window into your playbook and strategy.
BITS Denver
No worries, not that kind of journaling. Just daily things I do with friends, myself, my son, etc. Basically ramblings and musings of a (hopefully) changed man. Obviously I save all the juicy relationship stuff for you lucky folks.
I like to be able to see what my husband is up to or read his boring posts about work. It makes me feel like i'm a part of his life still. I even 'liked' a status update last week because it had something to do with a project that he was working on that i'm a part of.. other than that I absolutely do not comment on anything.
I don't want him to think i'm keeping tabs although he posted a pic of himself sitting in someone's living room and it was uploaded on the week day that the OW doesn't have her son so i know he was with her those nights during the affair and figured it was her place.. i kept staring at the pic and noticed that there were framed pics on the wall behind him that weren't her or her family and she doesn't own a dog.. So i was wondering who the heck's place it was !! lol .. torture !
I think unfriending her at this point would send a bad message. I would be devastated if my H unfriended me, i was heartbroken when he changed his R status to separated. I chose to leave that blank. It's unfortunately a double edged sword. Just try to ignore the things that she posts that seem directed at you or how great her life is without you etc. and all the things that may hurt as hard is at may be. That kind of thinking is poison.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
My W actually removed her entire FB account after she filed for D. She used to have photos of us on it. I too have a FB, but no profile photos or any other photos. I visit it like once in 6 months. She said she removed the FB account to prevent any awkwardness. Do i also remove my FB account? Not sure what to do here.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
mykarma, were you that indecisive with your wife? I don't know how to answer this question... you shouldn't have pictures of you two together, you shouldn't broadcast your changing marital status, please don't ask your wife what you should do with your fb account. Do you understand what attraction is to a woman? Strong, confident, decisive.... I would GAL in every way possible so that question never enters your mind again.
