It has been a long time since I posted...I have been going through a lot of emotions and I have withdrawn from really everyone when it comes to my relationship with my H.
Let me tell you about my Christmas...
My H and I decided a couple weeks ago that we would spend Christmas together with the girls - just the 4 of us. Friends and family were a little upset over this, but I was firm and said that the ONLY thing that was important on Christmas was my girls happiness. That both H and I wanted them to feel loved and secure on Christmas.
We spent Christmas Eve at my brother's house, and then went home. My H got off work about 9pm and as planned, he came to the house to spend the night so we could both be with the girls Xmas morning.
H got to the house, the girls were downstairs in thier rooms. He grabbed my hand took me into my bedroom and started kissing me. He looked at me and said that he had been thinking of that all day. One thing led to another and we made love. It was not just sex. We looked deeply into each others eyes, I started tearing up a little and I took his face into my hands and said I love you. He hugged me really tight and said I love you too. He looked at me and said the one thing I have been waiting to hear for 6 months...
I am breaking it off with her and I will be back home by the end of the week. I love you. We are going to make this work. Things will be different - they have to be.
I started to cry really hard, he said "baby whats wrong?" I said that I had been waiting so long to hear you say those words to me. He held me close and said that he knows and that he was so sorry.
He asked me to give him this week to talk to her and to have some time alone. I said that I understood.
We had an incredible Christmas. The girls loved thier gifts. My H had gotten me the most incredible pair of Nike running shoes and I had gotten him a North Face jacket that he had been wanting for a long time.
I made the most incredible Prime Rib - we busted out the china and wine glasses (the girls had sprite in thier glasses :-) and my oldest D toasted to a wonderful Christmas and thanked God that we were together for Christmas.
We had a lazy day. watched movies and took a nap. That night, Brian cuddled up with me on the couch in front of the girls.
H had to go to work at 9:30pm and when he left he gave me a big hug and kiss (on the mouth) in front of the girls.
He has been at work until just this morning. He text me and called me all day yesterday. Very sweet. I asked him if I was going to see him this week at all, because I wanted him to have his space to deal with his situation. He said that yes I will see him and yes he will need his space.
I won't pressure, and as hard as it is to think he is going to be heartbroken when he breaks it off with the OW, I HAVE to understand and give him time. I HAVE to be positive and upbeat so the transition will be easier for him.
Well, this is were I am at. My Christmas miracle. It is a long slow road ahead - I know. Hopefully I can get him to go to a MC.
I don't know guys...I am really truly hopeful for the first time. I think this is for real. but if he falls back - I have to be emotionally ready for it. Pray for me.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
T, I sincerely hope he means what he said. However, I do want to throw out a bit caution....generally October - March, the mlcers tend to want to reconcile and then bounce right back into the rabbit hole. The holidays tend to get to them and they want to be a part of something. So, what I'm trying to say is this...keep your expectations at zero.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you all of the best and may the new year be more promising and brighter for you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am praying for you. I hope that he will follow through with what he said. It is a long road back, but realizing that you love each other is a huge step in the right direction. Ask him to go to Retrouvaille with you. The weekend will help you a lot. The website is www.helpourmarriage.org. I know it is hard to get a weekend away when you have children, but it is worth the struggle. They will teach you both how to communicate with each other in a way that brings you together. They will help you to leave the past behind and build a much better future. The weekend changed my life and my husband's life forever. We will not go back to the people we were before the weekend.
Snodderly - it is impossible I think to keep the expectations at zero. I could say that I am, but I would be lying. I have hopeful expectations, BUT i think I have prepared myself emotionally that if he falls back, it won't be so hard on me and I will recoop quicker. At least that is what I hope.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
TAMF ... I am sooooo happy for you and your girls ... and I agree with Snodderly in that keeping your expectations as low as possible would be good for you.
My advice would be to remember to continue to DO WHAT WORKS! It is very easy to fall into old patterns and habits because they are comfortable ... continue to live DB philosophy because it is an emotionally healthy way to live.
(((hugs))) Merry Christmas! PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
T, I have my fingers and toes crossed that this is the "real deal" for youu and your family. You've worked so hard in getting to where you are today. I know it is difficult to keep your expectations at zero, because he's said all of the right things. I am praying that he will make the right moves as well. This would truly be a Christmas miracle!
Take it one step at a time and I agree...continue to do what works!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
TAMF I am very happy for you and hope that this is "for real." I have one question: are you ok with him moving back in immediately after breaking it off with the OW?
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
