my impression (which MAY completely be wrong) is that she was having sex with married men because they were safe meaning that she just wanted sex without the commitment and married men wouldn't call her up and expect her to date them (well...I mean...take everything there with a grain of salt as married men are also not supposed to be having sex with strange women in bars)
so you might say that sex is just a physical thing right now but clearly it isn't or she would be having random sex with other people
(look at sex like running...i mean...so she likes to run, she runs indiscriminantly and then you come along and she stops running except to run with you....so she likes running with you...maybe hoping you will marathon train with her...)
saying you aren't running a marathon but running with her everyday kind of gives the wrong message
and the idea that you can save her from herself or her son is a little demeaning...maybe she doesn't want to be saved maybe she doesn't feel she needs to be saved
just because you don't approve of her lifestyle doesn't mean she needs to change it to be healthy... maybe healthy for you
I was always monogamous so when H left I was really scared to have sex again. But I also wanted to - when the time was right. My hormones kept telling me the time was right but my brain told me to wait.
There were a couple of guys I would LOVE to have slept with but that little voice inside my head told me I wasn't ready yet. So I didn't. After some time I didn't regret that decision.
Josh and I waited a couple of months (which was painful for me) but when we finally did make love the first thing that I thought of was "YESSS!!!! I finally did it again!". LOL! - I was sure I was a born again virgin. I had gone several years without.
Was it the same as with H??? No not really. But it was tender and loving and I have a good memory of it. I guess - if you really think about it - isn't that what you'd like your "first time - second time around" to be???
No regrets for me but maybe if I'd have gone with the hormones - I might have regretted it.
"Question for the board -- those of you who had sex after splitting w/ your spouses - what was sex like the first time? Was it lonely? Did it feel weird? Was it great?"
Since I had been with my ex for 27 years (although I had had my share of experiences prior to him) I worried what it would be like to be with someone else. And as the boyfriend I had at that time was 8 years older than my ex, with gray hair and a little bit of a belly, it was a change from my boyish super-fit ex. For the first few seconds I had a bit of a surreal "what AM I doing here" feeling - and then it was ALL good from there on out! He was SO great in bed and SUCH a lovely man!!!
Question for the board -- those of you who had sex after splitting w/ your spouses - what was sex like the first time? Was it lonely? Did it feel weird? Was it great?
I was monogamous with stbxh for 16 years. I expected the first time with someone new to be weird and strange. It was with current boyfriend Guitarist on our 3rd date. It was wonderful. Surprisingly, afterwards he was very affectionate and I felt totally peaceful. I didn't expect that. It really helped that by then we had already established a good connection conversationally and that we knew the sparks could fly between us (making out like crazy teenagers on our second date).
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I was chatting the other day with a guy from an online site. I contacted him - he's just a few years younger, smart, good looking guy. We had a nice chat and I let him on my Yahoo chat.
The next day I saw he was on Yahoo chat and I just said Hi - no response. Saw later that he was on the dating site (so I knew he wasn't just working away from his desk all day). Oh well, he's not that interested I figure - cross him off the list, no biggie. I'm looking for someone who is INTO me this time!
The next day, I am chatting on Yahoo with my inappropriately young friend and have the webcam on (nothing kinky, we are just keeping each other company while we work at our respective desks). I forgot that the "View my Webcam" status comes up automatically on that. Sure enough, the new guy wants to view my webcam - I tell him sorry, I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone else, can't talk now.
Later that night, he sees I have Yahoo chat up and comes on to say hi. He asks how I am and I tell him the truth - fighting off a cold, getting ready to take a hot shower and climb into bed. Tell him good night. And he responds "Goodnight, Princess".
Lol - I'm totally blowing the guy off and suddenly I'm Princess?
Ellie: It also has to do with their moods sometimes and I HATE moody people! I will guess that he was doing some work, into someone else during the day but horny as hell at night so you became princess. GEESH - give me someone consistent any day.
Just to be the devil's advocate, could he have not noticed your IM? And I wouldn't recommend contacting someone when you know they are working. Yes, they might be taking breaks at various times to do whatever (!) but it's not the most receptive time for a man. That's one argument for women letting men contact -- when a man contacts a woman it's easier for her to switch gears and be in communication mode than vice versa. I've definitely observed this with men IRL and I never called my H at work just to say hi.
So true that not being too accessible makes one more desirable. I think it has a lot to do with what robx writes about -- we communicate our value in how we behave. It's not just perverse wanting what we can't have IMO. Kml, you communicated your value by putting your needs first (needing to go to bed) and not letting him derail that. Men often believe it when we communicate our value -- and they value us too. When we are ready to respond to their whims, we communicate low value, and they believe that too.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Flowmom has a good point and I also thought he might be busy with work during the day.
I will never forget the first week I was chatting with Josh. He was at work and said "Shhh... I'm at work" - it was kind of cute. however I did notice that he rarely takes time away from his work - that would have worried me.
Like you, Flowmom, I never call Josh at work "just to talk". I do call him in important situations but that amounts to "Ryan is in hospital" or "we have one hour to put in an offer on our house". On the other hand - he calls me occasionally from the office if he's having a bad day or if things are slow. But I'm not working. In the 5 years we were together that I was working he did not ever call me while I was working.
But we all have different types of jobs and different availability while we are working.
Ellie - I'd give him a second chance if YOU are into him. See what happens.
