Deployment, Depression, Divorce Numero Dos

[KellBell0820]

First thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2054225&page=27

I've been informed that my post is large and to start a new one. I'll abide and do so. It's fitting since I feel I've arrived at a new stage in this (I call it the "I don't give a F" stage).

I heard from H yesterday after not hearing a thing since his last "your lawyer needs to call mine blow up" a week or so ago. It was about Christmas ideas for D. I don't have any money so I hadn't really gotten very far into deciding what to get her, so I definitely hadn't thought up a list for him. Gave him a few suggestions, he asked about baby doll stuff, gave him a few more suggestions, he asked about shoe size, I responded and that was it.

It was a nice change from the usual "have your lawyer call mine!" crap. I've gotten my L in Arkansas started on filing an answer and motion to H's d papers. Hopefully that works out and we can get everything taken care of. As far as I know, he's still evading service, I'm pretty sure because he doesn't live at the address I have (living with OW). So we'll see what happens. I've considered asking his first ex what address she ahs for him, but I don't know if she'd give it to me or that she'd even have it.

[KellBell0820]

Not much to report today. For journalling, we had a pretty good Halloween. D was sick that morning but wanted to go out and trick or treat a little. So we walked around the block, hit a few houses, she still made out like a bandit (for a 3 year old anyway). H didn't call yesterday but did call tonite while I was making dinner. I debated answering but did, he talked to D and her overall tone was sad. His tone, as always, changed between me answering and hanging up. I can only guess because D sounded sad and told him she missed him. I also got another money order from H for the other half of this month's support. Nice to finally have it, it'll cover the nearly $300 I owed D's daycare.

I hope everyone had a good Halloween!

[KellBell0820]

A little bit of journalling

I got an envelope in the mail from the Arkansas lawyer yesterday. They got my answer to H's D papers filed and the motion to dismiss. Just in time too, they worked out the deadline to be the 3rd and that's when they got it all filed. I can't say I'm happy, but not really sad either. In fact it feels kind of nice to know there's some sort of resolution to this on it's way. Even if the case doesn't get dismissed, I have the L in Arkansas but everyone is confident that it will be dismissed since . . . well, H has never lived in that county (especially not for 60 days before filing).

I'm still DB'ing, kind of, as well as you can with a WAS that doesn't communicate at all. H did call to talk to D the day after Halloween. She got upset on the phone and I had to soothe her and ask her not to cry. As always his tone was very different when we hung up. I don't know if he expects everything to be ok or if he hates being reminded what he's done . . I guess it doesn't matter right?

I have been planning for Christmas in my head. H is getting his two sons and wants D at the same time. I have absolutely no problem with that, but I don't want him taking D to stay with OW's parents (they live here, she's from here). However, he still maintains (to me) that nothing is going on with OW, so I'm not sure how to bring it up to him, other than to just say, "I only want D staying at your moms." I'm sure that would be good enough, but with the way he's been lately (evading service for the divorce he wanted), I can see him making it difficult.

I've been going on "dates", whoo! It's actually only been one guy, I think I posted about "dating" him before. I've made it really clear that I'm not willing to really invest anything into a relationship yet and he understands. So we've been doing a lot of just casual hanging out which has been great.

[Mystik]

Glad for you that some sort of resolution about the Arkansas filing is in the works for you.

[Dagny-2]

Kell,

How are you doing? This keeping the kids away from the OW is so hard, my C said that it is best to keep the kids away as it is another potential loss for them, meet them, and then potentially never see them again. I think just stating what you want would be a good thing, don't even mention the skank, just what you want. Can you talk to your MIL to arrange for D to call you at arranged times? Morning/bedtime, then you can be assured she is where she should be, but have it arranged in a manner that isn't quite as confrontational -- totally reasonable that you want to talk to D multiple times while she is away from you.

I tried to get my boys to do a day trip to Graceland, wanted to see some more of TN before we leave, but couldn't convince them. Have one more weekend to try and do so.

Dagny

[KellBell0820]

Hey Dagny, I'm doing pretty well. A day trip to Graceland huh? I've actually never been (I've failed as a native Memphian) but I have gone to Sun Studios and all that. It was pretty cool.

We texted today just briefly about Christmas. H tried to call me yesterday but I was at work so I sent it to VM. He didn't leave a message though. So today I'm out with my dad and he texts me saying that he's getting his two sons on Christmas afternoon and keeping them for a week and can he have D please. We'd already kind of talked about this but he didn't have dates back when we talked about it. So I said yes and told him that I was going to do a small birthday thing for D, either on her birthday or on a better day, so that his two sons could be there (and him to if he wanted to come). He said he'd get back to me on it and I just said ok, if he didn't want to come along then I'd just get the kids and do it with them.

Well, I get home tonite and there's a letter from his lawyer waiting. I got copies of the answer and motion to dismiss about a week ago. This letter is a letter from his lawyer to the judge saying that I'm in default and to schedule it for hearing. I was under the impression we got everything filed in time and my lawyer in Arkansas sent copies to H's lawyers. Soooo, I have no d@mn clue what's going on. It was after 5, so I sent an email to my Arkansas lawyer. Hopefully I'll hear back soon on what's up.

[soleil]

Hey Kell,

Glad to hear you & D are doing well. Hopefully your L can resolve this matter quickly. You sound like you're doing great! Did you move yet?

[KellBell0820]

Hey Soleil,

Yeah, we're doing well. Handling it more and more everyday. We move in a few weeks and I'm so ready. My counselling sessions are starting to become more about the stress my dad is causing me because of this than the stress H is causing me.

I did get it resolved. Today the AR attorney's assistant responded saying that everything was fine, the lawyers had talked, and that she was going to get in contact with my L here and ask him to go ahead and put together a decree. She said she thought H was going to agree to me having full custody and him just have standard visitation. Since it was through email I don't know if his L said he'd agree, or if it's because of the two L's talking . . . but for whatever reason, she thinks he'll agree.

So all that's left, if he does allow himself to be served or if he just agrees (or does both), is for me to go to the parenting class.

How are you doing Sol?

[Dagny-2]

Hi Kell,

Glad the L thing looks to be working out, is it progress if you father now causes you more stress than H? Seems like in a warped world it would be. When do you move? Do you have Christmas worked out with H? Plans for yourself to stay busy during that time?

We never did make it to Memphis, did a day of fun in Nashville since it was so much closer. And no Graceland for you, I would think you would take field trips there in middle school.

Dagny