Okay, so I read a while back about something called 'Liminal Depression.' I don't remember where I read it, but the term stuck in my head. If I remember correctly, it has something to do with the MLC person actually begins to question the choices they've been making. Is that accurate?
Another question. Early on there was a period - before I found out my wife was talking to DJ - where my gut kept telling me something was not right, but I could not put my finger on exactly what was going on. It took a seeming random action like me flipping through the phone bill to discover the EA. The words I would use to describe that early intuitive 'feeling' are feelings like 'dread', 'fear', a sort of "something's not right, why do I feel a bad storm coming?" kind of emotion.
Fast forward to the present. I'm getting that gut feeling again. It's a much more 'positive' vibe, but still filled with uncertainty. Lately, I've been getting this really strong sense of "Something is wayyy different here...in a good way...but I don't know what the hell it is."
I suppose I'm just wondering how much of an impact (if any) intuition might play along this MLC path/journey?
Are you asking do they eventually question their choices?
I believe they do, as in my experience, mine did. I believe that when they do, that is when they also look at how you treated them when they were at their worst.
Intuition...gut. That is a hard call man. I like Gibs from NCIS trust my gut, usually correct. However after discovering the affair and crap my fears influenced my intuition for a very very long time.
Past the point one might argue where trust had been re-established and solid.
My suggestion, ignore your intuition for awhile, or at at worst, VERIFY but do not jump to conclusions based soley on your intuition.
Intuition, very close to instinct, designed to protect you fro hurt, intuition more from the emotional or mental type.
Not all stoves are hot, despite what your intuition will tell you after you got burned by one.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I can so relate to what you are saying. I am having that same "vibe" regarding my ex and his situation. It is a feeling deep down in your soul that your circumstances are changing behind the scenes. I believe it exists. I had the same feeling, but negative right before the bomb. I believe intuition is a powerful tool, it is connected with faith and a higher power.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Are you asking do they eventually question their choices?
Well, I was wondering if my memory was correct about what happens in so-called "Liminal" depression, and how that differs from other [MLC] depression. I know back in February when I still snooped, I saw e-mails from my wife to DJ, and even e-mails she wrote to herself, where she questioned what she was doing. I imagine that's quite different from taking a deep, hard look in the mirror [at some future point] and then questioning their choices...
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I can so relate to what you are saying.
It's good to know I'm not the only one. And, I completely agree with you. It's a very, very profound and raw feeling, intuition, whatever, that can't really be put into words or described properly. I like what Jack said as well. I have to constantly remind myself not to confuse instinct with intuition, and also not let my fears, anger, etc... cloud my intuitive feelings.
Well, I was wondering if my memory was correct about what happens in so-called "Liminal" depression, and how that differs from other [MLC] depression.
I believe this is what you are referring to:
In his book In Midlife A Jungian Perspective, Murray Stein identifies three stages of a Midlife Transition.
1. Separation 2. Liminality 3. Reintegration
Since a Midlife Crisis is a Midlife Transition of catastrophic levels, the transition stages must be a part of the Crisis stages. I will use the stages outlined below. These are not a Map, but rather a loose structure for the process of growth. The phases cycle and recycle throughout the Midlife Journey. For this reason the main phases may be viewed as a loose order, but the subphases are synergistic characteristics rather than ordered steps.
Lance, thanks for the info. I did some reading on liminality, and liminal depression. I think it's important to broaden my perspective on what this whole journey/experience with my wife...whatever labels may apply. I came across this website that speaks of 'mid-life crisis' from a Taoist perspective. The link is here:
At the bottom of this particular page are handful of links to other pages/articles about mid-life changes, transformations, crises. These particular stories really resonated with me, and alot of what I read fit with my personal philosophy, and how I perceive my personal experience with my wife.
Right now she's still 'flat-lining', and shows no obvious anger, depression, etc... On the contrary, what I've been observing lately is that she seems to have these random 'light bulb' moments where she seems to suddenly become aware of particular realization about what she's done [wrong] over the last 1+ year. For example, a couple of weeks back, she made this random comment to my son that was totally out of context to what was going on at that particular moment. We were discussing homework with our son, chasing our daughter around, and just having light, casual conversation. At one point, seemingly out of the blue, she turns to our son and says to him, "Gabe, remember, when you make a mistake and realize it, you have to take responsibility for your actions and not repeat your mistakes." The comment completely struck me because:
1) it was completely out of context to the 'light-heartedness' of the situation (i.e. she didn't say it to scold him about bad grades, etc...); and
2) Although it's a moral trait that I firmly believe in, it is something that has never fully jived with her personal belief system. For example, when she was involved with a married man when I first began to know her 13-14 years ago, I tried to impress upon her that it was a mistake to be involved with a married man, and that, although I was happy for her that she broke things off with him, she should ensure (for herself) that didn't do it ever again. She always used to rationalize that affair by arguing, "Well, I felt in love with him, so I wasn't doing anything wrong to be with him even though he was married. I broke up with him for other reasons (she liked me, he treated her bad, etc...) Fast forward to a year ago, and she's repeating her history. Fast forward again to her comment a few weeks ago, and I'm like, "Huh?!"
