Basket ball, no clue, don't like it, don't get it, but I am willing to try to figure it out
WHAT! As a die hard basket ball fan I take offense to this ^^^
BUT
"I am sorry you feel that way"
Hey Cat...just wanted to say hi.
LOTR (that would be missher) You sound good dude.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
It has taken a while to get where I am today and believe me it is not where I thought I was headed but you know what I have found?????
Happiness
Happiness with me, pure plain and simple. I can honestly say that I have traveled through the depths of hell and have come out on the other side a stronger, more confident, more self aware, more loving, more forgiving man. I like who I have become and while I do not want to go through what I have been through the last 18 months again.....it was neccessary to arrive the place I am at today.
19 years ago I met and fell in love with the woman that would become my wife and the mother of my children. I still love that woman today, and it is more than just loving her because she is the "mother of my children".
I LOVE her, always will.........our marriage however, is over.
On Wednesday, November 17, 2010, I went to the courthouse and filed for divorce.
For the technical details of the matter we have been separated for over 14 months, had a legal separation drawn up and it was signed in May 2010. We have shared custody of our 2 children, no money is exchanged for ailimony nor child support. I kept the house and almost everything in it, the kids are with me most of the time and they seem to be okay......yes, I am lucky.
I am not sad about this, quite the contrary. I am relieved, a weight has been lifted. I am no longer burdened with trying to hold up a marriage that is dead and gone and one that I do not want back......ever. It was a marriage filled with many good memories and as I recall it, I can say that is was good, I have mourned the loss and have accepted it and I am moving on.
I filed for me.
I did not file because I was,
Angry Tired Fed up Disrespected Unhappy in Love with someone else to get back at my wife or to get my wife back
I filed for divorce because it was time for me to no longer be identified as separated, or as a husband, or in a relationship or in any other manner otherthan as a MAN and a FATHER.
I have not been defined by my marriage for a long time and yet it was still there, an empty shell of what it used to be. I was no longer "holding on to it" but I was burdened by the fact that it was still there, like a piece of furniture in my house that I do not want and yet I keep stepping around it.
Everyone's journey is unique and different as is mine, however we all came her seeking the same thing......to save our marriages. What I have found and what I think is the premise of MWD's Divorce Remedy is that in order to save your marriage you must first save yourself.
This journey I am on was once decribed to me as a walk from New York to L.A. (thank you Mach) and you have to start out with these tiny little baby steps on the boardwalk of Coney Island. You can't even begin to think about L.A. b/c if you do you would just give up. Well you start stepping and you focus on your feet making sure not to mess up, slowly picking up speed, walking then maybe at times running. Somewhere along the way you take a rest and turn around and see just how far you have come, so you look back, but not for long, because you want to continue your journey. So you turnaround and start stepping again but something has changed..........
You find that you are no longer headed to L.A........how did this happen? When you are genuinely focusing on you and your life you really stop focusing on the marriage and you start following a path that is best for YOU, that path may not lead back to your marriage but you will find that you like the path you are on.
I like the path that I am on.
So many good things have happened for me over the last several weeks and they continue to happen........it is nothing short of amazing. I am not going to repeat them as this post is already long enough, read the beginning of this thread it is all there.
I have reached a place of peace, contentment and most of all HAPPINESS. I did not know I was getting to this place, I just realized it Wednesday at lunch time.....literally. I just knew it, I don't think it is something you work at, rather you arrive at it and you will know it when you get there. Really hard to put into words.
Big question now.......what is ahead for missherlove ?
I don't know what is ahead, this journey I am on has no destination but I am on it nonetheless and I am enjoying the scenery as I go. (For those of you wondering that includes dating) I am making plans, for my kids to play sports, excel at school, go to college, for me I want to travel, fix up my house and advance my career. Along the way I may find someone to share that experience with me, could be anyone......
including my soon to be ex-wife........surprised????
I'm not. Like I said before, I still love her and I still miss her love........
BUT
I do not NEED her love.........big difference.
I am not holding out for her but the door is not closed, in fact I would say the door is wide open.......
I have one door and anyone could walk through it....(Grit and Eric...stay away!) Who knows what the future may hold, I don't.......
but I do know that I have found happiness inside of me and I am going to keep that happiness alive!!!!
I will still be around here, not going anywhere, not changing my screen name (I am still MHL), and I hope to pay it forward.
I also hope to continue to be challenged by my friends here. I would go through some cathardic thank you and begin to list everyone that ever posted to me or that I have posted to but invariably I would leave someone out and ALL my friends mean way to much to me to risk doing that.
I am thankful for this forum, my life is changed forever because of it.....I hope that I can pay back a fraction of what it has done for me.
Always remember.....
Life is good and it is good to be alive!!!!!
Cheers
Chris
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
May God grant you always... A sunbeam to warm you, A moonbeam to charm you, A sheltering angel, so nothing can harm you. May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light. May good luck pursue you each morning and night.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
You sound really clear-headed and centered and at peace, and for that, I am very happy for you.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
