I have been receiving texts and phone messages from my wife.
Take your time to respond to these. I'm not at all telling you to be disrespectful or anything. She needs to realize that your not always going to be at her beck and call now. AND you need to realize that you need your space as well.
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There is a stalemate. She will not consider counseling unless I admit to affair while we were married that never happened. I dont know how to get her past that. I am so frustrated and now she is threatening to date and have an affair.
You CANNOT get her past anything. She has to do the work. The minute you realize this and truly ACCEPT it, your frustrations will begin to vanish and they will be replaced with a sense of peace and inner stregnth.
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I can not believe that knowing this wife of mine for thirty years;that it has come to this.
This is what concerns me a bit. Bobby, the wife you knew is gone for now. You can't relate to her in the same way OR EXPECT her to be that woman of the past.
She's got some demons to face and by the sound of things, she either whats to take some huge shortcuts or she is being extremely manipulative. Listen to Seeking, both a very common when it come to MLC. Things will most likely get worse before they get better.
Place your focus on you, you're gonna need to dig deep. There is a balancing act that takes place. Certain crazy crap you just shake your head and pay no mind to, but there are certain times you must stand firm.
ALWAYS keep your cool and treat her with respect. She is going to push your buttons and try her best to get you to react emotionally. Don't fall for it Bob.
I know you are all right. I really got my hopes up too soon. I have made an appointment to see an individual counselor next week and suggested that my wife do the same thing. She told me she loved me the other day and her concern is what people think of her and our situation. She is also admitting that it was not my job to make her happy. She had to make herself happy. I think these are positive steps. In my heart if she loves me then she will try to come back and that is where the piecing part needs to be done. She is going to have to do the work and I need to work on me. The thing I think worked best for me was detaching and going about my life without her. This I think sparked interest again. Will see what happens and again I appreciate everyones help. This has been one hell of a ride. Bobby O
I just got this text from my wife. I will share it. " I do still think ur a good person and I do appreciate all u have done for my family, but bob i really cant stand all the lies. I really have been faithful and never cheated, and no there really isnt anyone in my life. I havent even dated. I just wanted u to realize how unfair u r." That is it. Well I will see the counselor on Monday and go from there. Bob O
Last night I reeived a text from my wife thanking me for paying the repairs on her car. Her sister also called me and said that my wife was angry because I had had a lady friend and that she was hurt about it. My wifes sister also said that my wife was happy I was going into individual counseling. I was not sure about the lies I was accused of. Jeanette told me her ex-husband would avoid confrontation with her by not saying things he knew she would become angry with. To that end I will admit that I may have told a white lie to avoid arguments but I never lied over anything big such as an affair. Virginia apparently has been upset over these white lies which honestly is news to me. In any case I plan to put this all on the table with my counselor. I dont know why I feel what I am about to say. In my heart I feel like my wife will come back to me. Her sister said to me this is all good because she is hurt and angry but she said she thinks we will get through it. I hope so. I have not had any contact with any females since if there is a chance we would mend the fence I dont want a third party involved. There would have never been another woman had she not moved out of the house. I do love my wife and hope things improve. Bobby O
I will be seeing a different individual counselor. The marriage counselor would be hopefully a solution based therapist and pro-marriage. I was wondering if the Divorcebusting people have a referral center for different parts of the country.Thanks for your help. Bobby O
I received a call from my wife asking if my daughter had made it to my house to spend the night last night. I told her she had and then she started to say the same things that she has been saying all along. She states she can not come back to the marriage because of the afair after she left me. She now again is stating she plans to date and have an affair as well. She wanted to know why I changed counselors and felt I should have stayed with the same one. I chose this new counselor to see if I could get a new spin on things. I am doing this for me not her. She cycles in different directions everyday. I am tired of defending and justifying myself. I told my wife had she stayed in the house and not told me to date and move on that the affair would never have happened. On the flip side it was nice being treated with love and respect by my lady friend. I was not walking on eggshells and justifying my actions. I still do love my wife but if she refuses counseling and keeps bringing up these issues in the future then things will not work. I told her that I only wanted to discuss my lady friend with a counselor present. I know she is angry and hurt. She did everything she could to interfere with my relationship. Did she do it because she is jealous and unhappy and wants me to be unhappy? The other thought is does she really want to come back to the marriage. I dont see a clear picture throughout all of this. I know I am miserable and tired of the way my life has been going. I dont know what more to do other than hope for a better tomorrow. Bobby O
