This is one of the toughest days. I haven't cried in a while but today is taking the breath out of me like it is the first week all over again. This evening, a person that works closely with my H and near me asked what is going on with us, that it was obvious something was up. I asked her if she had noticed anything else about my H. She guessed that he is with XXXX she also went on to say how our sister-in-law that works in that area has never really been supportive of our marriage. And that XXXX has been after him since he has been at the hospital (4 yrs). Well, obviously none of this is a positive thing for ever getting a R. I hate that I have to question the character, integrity and worth of my own H. I feel like I made such a terrible decision marrying this person. What a coward, why can't he just file for a divorce and be done with it.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Mine did file, less than two months of separation. At least you still have a chance to reconcile! Listen to what they say here, there are lots of smart people who can help. Be strong!
Me; 52 H; 54 M 25 S 22 Bomb drop 6/14/2010 S 7/9/10 H filed 9/7
I feel like I made such a terrible decision marrying this person. What a coward, why can't he just file for a divorce and be done with it.
Would you have said this a year ago?
The wayward live in their own world and time frame.
Remember to focus on you and what you can control. Don't get caught up with all the office politics with your Sitch.
you can do it. were all here for you.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Thanks for picking me up out of the gutter. I did cry it out and am feeling better. I knew better than to go out to dinner with this person tonight. I had a feeling she knew and wanted to talk about it... she is a person I like but an overall negative kind of person that I should not spend time with at this point in my life. Ah, live and learn everyday.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Would you have said this a year ago? The wayward live in their own world and time frame.
Good things to think about. Nothing this "friend" told you is anything really new/relevant. You already knew the woman/tramp had probably pursued the R with your H...ok, confirmed. You already knew that people at work were probably starting to see it...ok, confirmed. You already knew the WAS live in their own world and time frame (as Gr8 puts it)...ok, confirmed. Nothing here changes who you are or the courses of action you are taking. Yes it sucks to hear, but you will be stronger for learning to deal with it.
This won't be the last rough day, but it sounds like you got through it. So that is a positive to build upon. Don't allow one person's opinions change the course/path you are on, only you can change that. Remember to focus on you and what you can control. Don't get caught up with all the office politics with your Sitch.
you can do it. were all here for you
Last edited by gutwrenching; 10/14/1011:42 AM.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
You're right. None of this was new. The confirmation just hurt so much. I always think of people as inherently good I guess because I think of myself as a good person. It makes me naive and overly-optimistic often. The SIL is a real snake and I have known this... just wanted to be wrong.
The office politics are the WORST and I know it will get even more so before it gets better. Trying to mentally prepare for my generalized response once more people start asking.
You all being here for me is helping so much. I can't imagine not having this outlet or the friends in my life right now. I even keep thinking so much about God... weird, I would have considered myself agnostic or atheist if asked.
Life is changing for me in many ways. The thing that is also helpful is that I get to truly start over with my life in 40 weeks... I will be done with my training and will leave the state. It is slightly gratifying knowing that he doesn't get to do that any time soon and he will have to be in the same setting when he one day remembers what he lost. I won't be known as Dr. XXX, so-and-so's wife... just Dr. XXX!
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Just remember that the office gossip is going to be worse for your H. I bet most people will be disgusted with what he has done once the A becomes public knowledge.
((((((((((((((((((((blgp)))))))))))))))))
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
surround yourself with positive people, distant yourself from the negativity, not just with this situation but in life altogether.
Take one day at a time and know that no matter the outcome you will be just fine. I know it's hard now and you will have bad days, even weeks.
Your mental attitude now is the biggest obstacle to overcome right now. Focus on the good things in your life
Hugs
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
