Tried to be upbeat and happy tonight when W came home. Asked how her day was and did not act beat down. Even laughed at some stuff that D said that was funny. It was very hard.
Jammed, I wouldn't necessarily jump to the conclusion that W is gay. I dated a W for 5 years, while dating a M at the same time.
W I just loved, but the sex was more for her than me. I got very little out of that aspect, it was the emotional connection that I appreciated. M I loved and the sex was for me, if that makes sense.
I think Jung had a concept that everyone is neither 100% hetro or homosexual. Most people fall closer to the 20% or 80% line (obvious preference is what I'm getting at, not exact statistics).
It's quite possible that your W is not gay, just engaged in A that is an anomaly (sexual preference) for her, if that makes sense. As such, you shouldn't take it as an assault to your masculinity. I'd imagine you'd have similar feelings if W was w/OM?
This isn't meant to discount the pain that you are feeling. It sucks either way. But doubting yourself as a man, on top of everything else, is counter productive.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
Tried to be upbeat and happy tonight when W came home. Asked how her day was and did not act beat down. Even laughed at some stuff that D said that was funny. It was very hard.
It sounds like a good start. I know how hard it is and wish you didn't have to go thru the pain. How did W respond to you?
Do you have any plans for the weekend? Try to get out of the house and do something...perhaps with D. I took my S somewhere every weekend...even if it was to a movie theater in another town. That way S and I weren't sitting around thinking about the sitch and to H it looked like our life will go on just fine without him.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
I did not think she was gay. That aspect still has me in a state of shock. I know that it makes me feel so completely inadequate as a lover. I know in my head that I should not feel that way, but it is hard not to think that I am so bad in bed that I sent her completely off of men.
Or this can liberate you. The girl I took to a dance in the 9th grade, our Jr High "Prom" , didn't give the time of day at the dance. I thought it was me. One of my GAL activities during my sitch was to talk to some old HS buddies. One of them said he goes out with this girl and his buddy and her friend. I asked, "Your wife is OK with this?" He said, "Yeah don't you know X is gay?" All these years I thought it was me, little did I know I never had a chance.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
tough day. Because of a new policy, I had to clean up a bunch of stuff out of my e-mail at work. I opened a funny e-mail that W sent me several years ago. The top of the e-mail was line about how she was thinking of me and that she loved me. I lost it and started crying like crazy. Of course a few minutes later someone came into my office and here I am all teary eyed.
On the way home, I had a little shouting match about how angry I was that W did this to me. I was by myself, but I did feel some better afterward.
tough day. Because of a new policy, I had to clean up a bunch of stuff out of my e-mail at work. I opened a funny e-mail that W sent me several years ago. The top of the e-mail was line about how she was thinking of me and that she loved me. I lost it and started crying like crazy. Of course a few minutes later someone came into my office and here I am all teary eyed.
On the way home, I had a little shouting match about how angry I was that W did this to me. I was by myself, but I did feel some better afterward.
Did some more Upbeat and happy tonight when she came home. I did mess up and put my arm around her to thank her for bringing me home a soda. I know - overreaction, but it is the first thoughtful thing she has done for me since this started.
She went out with 17D tonight to talk with her. I noticed she was wearing a new matching necklace and earing set. When 17D asked where she got it, W said a friend gave them to her.
I know I am jumping to conclusions, but they had to come from OP. I just want to yank them off and scream.
Kind of a flipped day. Met with IC today for the first time and while we did not get into things too deeply, I felt better afterwards. Went tonight with W and D6 to watch D17 perform in a parade. I was able to resist saying anything about OP and was able to smile and be upbeat. W looked like she felt bad and looked really really tired.
