Though I was not reading DB or DR at the time I exposed my wifes affair to her parents on 07-08-2010 by 08-17-10 he was out of the picture she hid the affair with him and denied it to everyone. By 08-23-10 she was involved with OM2 this time she is not hideing him from her parents or my kids she has taking my kids to a baseball game with him and his kids, had them over for lunch let him babysit 3 of my kids sit on the couch in the house with him sharing a blanket as my 6 year old put it. My question is is this typical did it follow the script? In another thread Coach talked about peaking ahead to see what she is going to do next, boy I dont know how to peek ahead with her because I dont know this woman. When we were together together she didn’t drink very much now the kids tell me she drinks constantly. Her persona on FB is the super happy independent woman (I check her face book because we are in a custody fight and she keeps posting incrementing stuff on there a friend of mine prints it out & I take it to the lawyer) my kids tell me a different story.I know one thing the second and third men cought me by suprise guess she is rebelling? I know one thing detaching is for me this week it has been impossible because of the kids.
Last edited by 40andsadintexas; 08/20/1005:44 PM.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
40. I feel for you. It's heartbreaking and gut wrenching. But ask yourself something. Would you really want her back? That's important. If you do, you have to set the boundaries right now. I think you did that already, but are wondering if the marriage can be saved. My thoughts on that? Not by you. I know that's frustrating, but I think you did the right thing exposing the infidelity and taking a stand. Most importantly, regain your self-esteem and respect. Others will follow suit. You cannot save her from herself and you can only intervene with her and the kids if she puts them in danger. Anything else is her choice and you have to let go of it. Have your friend take the FB stuff to the lawyer so you don't have to look at it. Don't just let her go - push her away. She has a lot of changing to do before she's worthy of coming back to you. Believe that.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks for the reply I needed that you are spot on and I don't want her back today. I hope I don't want her back tomorrow but that's tomorrow and I will deal with that tomorrow. The thing that keeps me awake at night is knowing that even under the best circumstances I will have to share my kids with her :-(
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
40, you are right. It won't be easy. But I find that for me, identifying one thing at a time and letting it go is what works for me. For example, identify that you will have to share the kids and let that go. Be sure to understand that you are going to be the stable parent and to act accordingly. It won't be easy.
Set them up and knock them down. You didn't ask for this, but you are here and need to deal with it. Do so with grace and dignity. Take the high road. You will be glad you did.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
40, sorry you are here. You are right that detaching is the next step for you. However, detaching is emotional, not neccessarily physical. Because if the kids, there will be a lot of physical contact, but once you achieve detachment, dealing with her through the kids will be easier.
You asked if om2 and om3 are script. Scripts vary but it's nit suprising that she has moved through 3 guys quickly. Her issue us within her, but she will seek addictive solutions(men, excessive drinking). The rush to divorce us just another sign of her internal pain that she feels if she quickly divorces you, she will feel better. She will not, but no one can convince her of that. She must discover this own her own. Her flaunting these OMs IMHO, suggests tremendous guilt and lack of respect for you. Prepare yourself for alot of drama, as she is gonna throw all blame at you, especially since you outed her to her parents. Your focus should be and in this order; you then the kids. You are first because you will need you strength and clear mind to take care of the kids. As fathers we typically in situations make the kids first and allow ourselves to suffer, only to eventually allow the kids to suffer because of exhaustion.
Detachment doesn't happen over night, it's a struggle in the beggining. But it will be the key in how this all turns out.
Thanks I understand I post mostly from an iPhone. One thing that gets me is me and her parents had a great relationship until the bomb dropped they will not even speak to me anymore. Having there support would be nice but didn't happen guess they didn't like hearing about the a.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Same here, my MIL treated me better than she treats her own sons. Now we don't talk at all. I see it as her loss. I'm sure my W placed her in a position where she had to take "sides".
Blood is thicker than water (and paper, rock and scissors).
She is their daughter.
You, although a great guy whom they loved as a friend, are merely the guy that married their daughter.
When push comes to shove they will always pick her, no matter what.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
