Seeking some insight

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I did that but she's insistent on putting on this facade while her relatives are here.

Time to go see an attorney, then.

I suppose it's so that they don't look at her in a bad light.

Put together an thoughtful letter that goes something like:

I am sorry to tell you that our marriage is in trouble. _____ has been having an affair with a 23 year old man with a troubled history, and I have asked her to leave, not because I do not want to fight for my marriage, but because I want to protect myself and our children from this predator she is seeing and because her behavior is not something I want our children to be continually exposed to.

I appreciate your support in this matter.

Give them each copies of the letter. Then step back. She is going to get angry because you didn't help her carry out her Big Lie. She is going to run "dammage control" and spin many more webs of deceit. Do not engage her. If you say anything, ask her if she has found an apartment yet or say you did not want to lie for her.


It's the right thing to do.

This. ^


A Papabear always protects his cubs.


Puppy

[RoughTime]

Yes- tell her relatives!
You need to expose this dangerous affair to everyone and anyone who will listen- ESPECIALLY the people who love your wife.

It's hard to do (at first- the more people you tell, the easier it gets), and yes, she will be angry. But you'd be doing it out of love. She's going down the wrong road, and it's like an intervention. You NEED to get her relatives (all of them) on board.

[Crushed in KY]

Well, I know for fact he won't go near my kids and she doesn't interact with him in person when she has the kids. He knows that if he comes within sight of my kids he has me to deal with. We have discussed custody and she has said she won't fight me over sole custody of the kids which I thought she would. But in retrospect it makes since especially since she doesn't want any responsibility for being a spouse, mother etc...

I have scheduled the two older kids to speak to a therapist and hopefully that will aid them in dealing with the totality of the situation.

The thing that sucks about this whole situation is I can see this guy sucking her into his world and her losing everything because of it. Her professional credentials to work etc... She on the other hand is either in denial or just doesn't see him for what he is.

He recently got arrested on drug charges and is pending a case in court. I felt that would be enough for her to break away but instead she blamed herself for his situation and continues to try to take steps to aid him.

I realize and so do her friends and family that she is on a path of self destruction but none of us can make her see that. I just hope she comes to her senses before he causes her to lose everything she has worked her whole life to obtain.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Well, I know for fact he won't go near my kids and she doesn't interact with him in person when she has the kids.

. . . yet.


Addicts usually escalate their behavior, right?


Puppy

[soleil]

^Yeah, that's true.

Is she using, too, Crushed? You def dont' want her around your kids if she is. She seems to be way over head if she's just telling you she will give you sole custody without a fight. Protect your kids and yourself. Go see a L.

You may want to alert her family about this guy and the drug use.

[Crushed in KY]

Puppy, Trust me when I say this if he gets near my kids His ass is mine...

I don't know that he is an addict I do know however that he is involved in the procurement of the components to manufacture it however. In fact the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, His mother who is now deceased use to make it as well.

[PMA_Baby!]

I agree with everyone. Get this guy away from your family. Get an attorney and get a temp. order in place. Get her out of the house. The sooner reality of what she's doing and how it is affecting others hits her in the face the better.

Hold the line. PMA

[TimeHeals]

. . yet.


Addicts usually escalate their behavior, right?

Beat me to it.

We have read too many situations just like yours, and many of us have lived it.

You need to expose in a thoughtful manner, and you need to get her out of the house if she is doing this.

Exposing must be done right. Go back and read the example letter I gave you.

[john28]

Expose the A immidiately to everyone. She doesn't deserve to treat your children or you this way and still get to live a Big Lie when people are in town. She deserves NONE of it unless she goes NC with OM.

And, if you are able to, expose the A in person or on the phone to everyone. It will mean alot more to the person you are talking to than sending a letter. Don't complain about her when exposing. Just state the facts, that you are worried about her, and this is not a good thing and they need to know what she's doing.

[Crushed in KY]

OK, She just called me after leaving her therapist and I again told her if she can't break it of she needs to move out.

I have also talked to her Aunt and Cousin both of which, have talked to her briefly about what they sensed immediately upon their arrival at our house this morning. They both said the same thing that she isn't acting like she's in her right mind.

Her Aunt confided in me that she had been through something similar with her husband before he was diagnosed as "Manic". They both said that they felt she wasn't making good choices or decisions and that she should seek medical attention in addition to counseling from the therapist.

They are both going to talk to her at length when she returns this evening and strongly urge her to do that. He cousin actually said she would "drag her" if necessary to see someone regarding this before she does irreparable damage to us, our family and her life.

I have talked to a lawyer this morning whom I spoke with previously regarding this situation and he is drafting a letter to send to this guy advising formally to stay away and if he doesn't then the next step will be legal action.