Here goes nothing. My husband and I our high school sweethearts. We dated 7yrs b4 marring. In our 7 yrs of dating wasn't always great but betwwen 5-7 yrs was great. So finally we said I do! Now we have been married for 3yrs. And the first year was amazing. But the last 2yrs has been hell. When we got married we lived with his grandma. It was okay living there but it wasn't ours. She gave us times to be home. We slept in his room all our wedding gifts was down stairs in the basement collecctin dust. She kept the temp n the house on 87. We rosted, we both were going crazy. Me and him talked and thought we needed to get a place of our own, so we did. When we moved out she would call him for everything and then make him feel guilty for not being there. It was begining to put a strain on us. We started fighting more than we should. Not blaming her for anything. Then his beer here and there was becoming 4-5 night thing. About year later his grandma died. And so has our marriage. He turned from cold to ice. He's always partying with single guys and getting drunk. He drives drunk but most of the time he crashes at a friends house. Out of a month he may be at home 7 nights and he gets in after 12. He sleeps on the couch. He's stoped saying I love you. Never calls just a small note on the counter saying when our dog was last walked. He's not abusive physical but is very mental and emotional. Any day he has off he's with the guys. I've asked what about our marriage what does he thinks he's doing to it. I usually get a whatever and I'm living my life having fun and he leaves. I don't know if he cheated he's very flirty and I know he talks to women. He's constanly on facebook. I'm scared he's been my world since I was 17. I don't know how to live without him. I've bought the divorce remedy book but I'm scared to try 180 techinque. Its seems like he's already gone I don't know if it would even work. He has told me he don't want to lose me because I'm all he has. I use to be his world but now all I am is a rug. I know he don't respect me, I've lost it for myself. My self esteem is shot how can u have one when your husband can't stand you? Please help me I'm at rock bottom and scared to death. Tell me how to save my marriage????
I'm going to say one thing and one thing only. Change YOU...not for your marriage...not for him...for YOU.
Change? ok big statement. How about just starting to be different. Act like you don't care what he's doing where he's going. If you are crying...STOP crying and START going out. Change your hair style...your clothes or if you can't financially then change it up...if you are a jeans girl start wearing dresses...just do something DIFFERENT.
No matter what...in the end you are working on yourself. If he wants to come along then he can but in the mean time you aren't going to let him take you down.
Get your self esteem back now!
Luv
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
All of the things you've mentioned are things that my husband was doing as well- with mine, it did turn out that he was having an affair with some bar skank. Hopefully it's not true for yours, but it's time to find out.
You need to install a keylogger on the computer. Start there if he's always on Facebook. It's easy- you don't need a sophisticated one, just a very basic free one. Just Google 'best free keyloggers' and you'll find many options. I used one called Family Keylogger. You just have to be sure to read the instructions and click the options to make sure the keylogger is hidden. You select a series of keys to push to bring up the hidden icon and view the logs. Then you can see what he's typing on Facebook/email, get all of his passwords, etc.
Do you have kids?
Last edited by RoughTime; 08/04/1012:29 AM.
Me-29 H- 28 Together for 6.5 years 2 kids, ages 9 and 5 D-Day: July 15, 2010.
We have had counseling. We went twice and that was also the last time. The counseler was adressing his drinking problem and him putting in so much time with his friends, that when we left he told me he wasn't going to anyone who said he has a problem. I've tried every way possible to get help but he's made it clear he don't want it. One of his facebook messages said " I am me, I'm going to be me, ill die me, u can't change me". Its just hard to imagine this is where we are now. He used to be so loving and always wanted me and now I'm something he can't stand.
No we don't have kids. I really want them but I can't stand the thought bringing them up in a marriage I'm not sure will last. And plus I'm not sure he would ever be here for them. He's pretty selfish they probley would take to much of his party time up. Thanks for your advice
You need to start being mysterious yourself. Go out with your girlfriends. Go have fun. Don't tell him what you're doing - and if he insists you tell him, just laugh and say "my, aren't we nosy?".
GAL. Get out there. Don't tell him where you're going. Next time he leaves that note on when the dog was walked, call him and tell him that he needs to come home to take care of the dog because you're going out. He'll ask where. Just tell him, "I'm going out."
He'll be back sooner than later. Don't play games. Don't lie to him. Just don't tell him anything. He's doing the same to you, but he is probably lying about where he is staying. From this situation is sounds like a physical affair is a 90% probability. Prepare yourself for that if you haven't already.
Look - he spends 21/30 nights away from home a month? And he says he's staying with friends? And you believe that? Really?
Do you have a car? Can you just drive by his friends house where he is "staying" late one night you know he's not coming home? If not, can you get a friend to take you?
Honey, he's having an affair.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Thanks for your advice. I'm trying my best to act like I don't care, I'm trying to find hobbies but so far he don't care. I begining to think nothing going to work anymore and the sad thing is he's killing with feelings I do have left for him. Where is says he is staying seems to be pretty true. I've rode by and my dad is good friends with some of the people and has stoped by and nothing weird is going on. But who really knows, anything is possible. I just don't know how we got here but if this is how my life is going to be being married, well I rather get out of it. I'm letting him take it from me. I just pray God has got to have a better plam for me because I don't know what more I can take.
thank you, he did come homs Sunday night and sleep in the bed with me. He actually kissed me something he hasnt done in along long time. I dont know if he came home because he missed me or only for one reson. However he is back to his old self, partying and staying out late. Wish I knew what to do. But i know one thing i am not going to ask questions about me and him. I am a christan and I believe God is trying to teach me something. I just pray he helps me become a better person and my husband well become a loving and caring husband. That leaves the party life behind. Thank You again... Bless you
