Quote: Why are these changes so important to her? I'm really trying to understand. Do you think it's because she wants me to be the strong one in this situation...be the rock that brings everything together?
Here is my $.02. I think she thinks, "why should I come back if he doesnt change." I am betting that somewhere in the back of her mind she still thinks that she wouldnt have had an A if you hadnt done 1,2,3,... Not pretty but human.
Can the kids go to Grandma's or somewhere for a night so you each get your "you" time?
Just saying hi Jethro!! Hang in there buddy I'll catch up on your thread tonight or tomorrow. I'm going to play hooky from work!! Actually feel like Cr*p. Focus on the game bud! We'll stop and heal during those moments of peace in between! You will make it through with your wits and your percirverance. (So I can't spell ) You belive in my cause and I belive in yours! We can! We will!
thanks for coming over to my place...she's looking...work on you so she can see the pain fade a little more each time...if she needs space.. let her take it, believe me you can't stop it...no snooping...I learned along time ago from some very wise people here that it is hurtful...foccus back on your life..move on, do fun things knowing that you are strong and will be ok no matter what.When we can build ourselves up, we radiate that to others. Sue
Ooooo...my thread's been busy today! Lots of visits. Thanks guys!
Owen, I have totally backed off. You know, I DB'd my a$$ off tonight! Felt pretty good about it too. I could tell my alien-sponsored WAW relaxed a bit. Whew!
Quoting KAW:The strong, confident type tend to attract, not repel.
That's what I'm banking on, KAW!!!
Quoting Abby:I am betting that somewhere in the back of her mind she still thinks that she wouldnt have had an A if you hadnt done 1,2,3.
I'm sure that thought has rolled around in her head. It's funny (not really), but she has made numerous points about how the new me is attractive, and that it was easier for her to "come back" because of my changes, blah blah blah. So, I think she's assessing how I am handling the A and depending on how well I pass will govern how much effort she will put into our M. HA! Two can play that game!
Will, thanks for dropping in. You know, I went home last night and told my W about the "puff snack" thing. Got another good laugh...
Hey, J-Ro, I'm doing my best to focus on the game. I think my glasses were fogged temporarily!
Quoting hoping:she's looking...work on you so she can see the pain fade a little more each time...if she needs space.. let her take it, believe me you can't stop it.
Yes, I really pulled out all the DB stops tonight to show NO pain. I think it worked. In terms of the space thing, I want to broach the subject with my W to see if we could come to some solution that would make her feel a little less crowded. I really do want to release this pressure for her...but I want to do it without her leaving home...
Quoting RJJ:How is your sister doing?
Thanks for asking, RJJ. Well, I got an update from my dad and she's doing pretty good now. She is a (breast) cancer survivor (a number of years ago), but it recently turned up in her thyroid. So, the operation was to remove the thyroid. They are running further tests (results Monday) to see if it has spread. Dear God, I hope not. She's a single mom for my nephew (9). We have already had that "if anything happens" talk. Ugh! I'd appreciate you guys saying a prayer for her if you don't mind. She's had some difficult years... Thanks.
Thanks guys! Feelin' good tonight, but worried about my sis.
Well guys, it was a good day yesterday. I just decided (and with everyone's support here) that I need to simply eat the A and redouble my DBing efforts. So, yesterday afternoon my W calls and tells me we're going out to dinner with MIL and FIL...their treat (Claim Jumper ). So I said great and that when we were done with dinner, I was going to go do my own thing. I just needed some space. She was fine with it. Naturally, like before, I was vague about what I was going to do. It seems to get her thinking.
So, during dinner my W was sitting very close to (really against) me. I was Mr. Funloving jethro too during dinner with the ILs, so it was fun. I had to do this because if I'm quiet she'll know that I'm not right. This is/has been my MO. It seemed to work because the last two days of her distance seemed to fade quite a bit.
We go home together to get kids ready for bed. I grab a couple gift certificates that I got for Xmas and my book off of my nightstand. My latest book was sitting on top of Love Languages when I grabbed it. Now, like I told you guys, I asked my W to read this. So, briefly I thought, "hmmm...maybe I should put this on her pillow?" But then reality told me, "no, that's pressure." So, I just left it there hoping she'd pick it up.
I go out to Tower Records and get a Portishead CD, then off to Guitar Center to drool over the latest guitars and gizmos. Guitar Center closed, so I headed over to Border Books, got a cup of tea and read my book. It's actually one recommended by Soup called the "8 Steps of Happiness"...based on Buddhism. It's pretty good.
Borders closes and I go home. W is asleep upstairs, so I dink around for a while (computer and book). When I go to bed I go to place my latest book on top of the nightstand, and low and behold, Love Languages is no longer there! She read some of it! In fact, when we woke this morning she said that she was reading it last night. I asked what she thought and she simply said that she thought it was good.
I also read and recommended that she read one of Michele's other books: "Change Your Life and Everyone in It: How to: Transform Difficult Relationships, Overcome Anxiety and Depression, Break Free from Self-Defeating Ways of Thinking, Feeling, and Acting." I loaned it to her mom, but it's a great book because Michele gets into how change is illicited through actions. My W needs a kind of kick in the butt because she is so sedentary sometimes about doing stuff (except working out)...I think a bit insecure about failure. This is one of those things we have had countless discussions on and is at the core of her problems. She's simply unhappy with herself and has been for some time. That's why her getting the job a couple of months ago was so important. Anyway, she said she'd read that book too. Thank goodness she's a bookworm!
In any case, when I got into work this morning, I had a voice mail from my W. I guess my D (4) called her a "sh!thead" this morning just to try it out! My W thought it was pretty funny, but my D was in a TO. I have no idea where she heard that one... Maybe my S? Anyway, I thought you guys would think that was funny.
All in all, I can't complain about yesterday or this morning. I'm going to try and keep up the PMA and DBing efforts.
Quote: In any case, when I got into work this morning, I had a voice mail from my W. I guess my D (4) called her a "sh!thead" this morning just to try it out! My W thought it was pretty funny, but my D was in a TO. I have no idea where she heard that one... Maybe my S? Anyway, I thought you guys would think that was funny.
Kids, You just gotta love em.
My son was about 4 and he heard me say bullsh*t. He yelled at me, "We dont say bullsh*t daddy!" I started laughing so hard that I couldnt even say anything back to S. Its great isnt it?
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
) You belive in my cause and I belive in yours! We can! We will! 
HA! Two can play that game!