Well I spent the night reading the book, I will be rereading for sure. One thing I have done since fathers day when the love of my life left me is chase and find ways to connect, try and change her mind etc... Only thing it got me is she has a restraining order (which Friday hopefully it will get dismissed) (her dad and the om a cop helped push it) the chasing calling emailing most likely has driven her a million miles away (least I feel). She wont barley even look at me, stands on the porch or kinda behind a bush by the porch. She wont even budge to try and cooperate with visiting or having my kids call. Everything has to be done through her lawyer.
So today no more facebook posts, youtube song dedications. Going to try and do the 180.. I already started a few weeks ago going to church, I still go to MC as well. I just need help and support to get through this. I'm even coming to realize how she fell out of love.
Any opinions help support is greatly appreciated.
Also do you think there is some sort of hope? Least for a new marriage since I realize the old one is dead. How long has it taken to see any progress? (side note I did get her to smile tonight when I dropped the kids off, with something I told her our 4 yr old said).
My orig. snitch is in the WAW section.
Mark
Me 36 WAW 24 S 4 D 2(My Kids/her step kids) S15,D14,S10,D11 Love you but not in love with you 6/8/2010 Left/Bomb 6/20/2010 D filed 6/23/2010 M 4 T 5 1/2
Yes, there IS hope. Keep doing DB and the 180. The 180 is a must!!! It is your only chance to see if spouse will come around. Don't pursue, beg or do any of the old behavior. You must create a new YOU.
I am in the middle of a sitch where H says he doesn't love me, M is dead, wants me gone, etc. Imagine the hurt and pain. But after the begging and pleading, I felt like a weakling, so I started the DB and 180.I had my first phone counseling with Laurie last week. All helps us stay grounded. There may or may not be a chance for me or you to re-do our marriages, but we won't know if we don't try. Every day brings a new challenge. Just stay on course, don't talk too much, don't get angry, or cry, and most of all, stay CALM!! Act happy...
Didn't know where to post this, and this thread seemed like the best place.
Many of you know how much I've been affected by reading - and working - The Journey From Abandonment To Healing by Susan Anderson and how often I quote her.
Last night, to take a break from that, I picked up a book I bought months ago which my new IC recommended at my first session with her: You Are The One You've Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz. I have been more affected by the first chapter of this book than by any of the many, many R books I've read since I joined these boards 6/09.
I have highlighted so much, I might as well dip the whole book in yellow ink!
At my IC Session today, we agreed to make this six-chapter book the work of my next six sessions (or more; many chapters are long and cover a lot).
Check it out.
While my recommendation is based only on the first chapter, still, I cannot recommend it highly enough. More than "Aha!" moments here (for me): some scales have fallen from my eyes.
Peace,
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
The book offers an introduction to using IFS parts work in couples counseling. The examples given and the clarity of the model make this an ideal book for therapists interested in doing parts work with the couples with whom they are working - and for the lay reader wanting to better understand why their relationship is failing and how to fix it.
One of the keys in this book is understanding how each person in a couple has parts that get "set off" by the other person, and how that can escalate into fights, alienation, and eventually the end of the relationship. The more time we spend relating from our parts, the less intimacy we experience in the relationship.
A big lesson in this work is that to have and maintain a healthy relationship, we need to be self-led, coming from that authentic part of ourselves that isn't caught up in possession, attachment, neediness, or fear.
Well I spent the night reading the book, I will be rereading for sure. One thing I have done since fathers day when the love of my life left me is chase and find ways to connect, try and change her mind etc... Only thing it got me is she has a restraining order (which Friday hopefully it will get dismissed) (her dad and the om a cop helped push it) the chasing calling emailing most likely has driven her a million miles away (least I feel). She wont barley even look at me, stands on the porch or kinda behind a bush by the porch. She wont even budge to try and cooperate with visiting or having my kids call. Everything has to be done through her lawyer.
So today no more facebook posts, youtube song dedications. Going to try and do the 180.. I already started a few weeks ago going to church, I still go to MC as well. I just need help and support to get through this. I'm even coming to realize how she fell out of love.
Any opinions help support is greatly appreciated.
Also do you think there is some sort of hope? Least for a new marriage since I realize the old one is dead. How long has it taken to see any progress? (side note I did get her to smile tonight when I dropped the kids off, with something I told her our 4 yr old said).
My orig. snitch is in the WAW section.
I'm going to bump Sandi2's list, Robx's post, and Gucci's for you to read AGAIN. You pretty much have no choice but to drop off the face of the planet "Dark". No involvement except for your kids.
4 books I have read and recommend to read through your darkness is...
Bible No More Mr Nice Guy Ways of the Superior Man Hold on to your N.U.T.s
4 books I have read and recommend to read through your darkness is...
Bible No More Mr Nice Guy Ways of the Superior Man Hold on to your N.U.T.s
I have been around here a while. I've heard these books recommended by some pretty good guys. I've been in discussions with some of those guys about those books. I can't say that no one I know that used those books/methods is still M.
How about 5LL? or Benefits of Staying Married, or Back from Betrayal.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
