I want to think about a few things before I dissect your posts….
Does Still want to leave with his head held high?
Does Still want to truly be a man of character and integrity?
Does Still understand that his W is off her f*cking rocker and nothing that HE does albeit intentionally or otherwise will get her to see the light?
Does Still realize that Still controls Still and Still’s future?
Does Still want to get to a place of forgiveness and true acceptance?
Does Still want to do right by his kids even if it hurts Still?
Does Still know where he F*cked up in the M?
Think about the above for a while.
Quote:
W wants me to call mortgage company to help get payment lowered.
Okay…what would you do if you and your W were still planning on being together? If I recall you are in a fair amount of debt. Doe refi’ing the house help with YOUR debt situation? Are you planning on keeping the house? Do you want her to keep the house? Do you want your D to remain in the house? Look man, whatever you decide to do, do it because it is really the right thing to do. Don’t do or not do something to position yourself legally, to cause her pain, to force her hand, to make her see that she can’t do it. Just do what is right. Right for Still and Still’s children. As hard as it is right now, you need to think about YOU and your kids. As for your W….let her go. I am not saying be an ass…I am saying let her go. Let me give you an example:
In my sitch, my W originally wanted the house. I relented…thought I wanted it…thought by refusing to leave it I would “make her” see the light, “make her” see that I have changed. I was wrong. I now have decided to allow her and the children to remain in the house. Will she? Who the F knows, what I do know is this…the minute I decided to do what I knew was the right…is when I began to feel better. Character and honor my friend can never be taken away from you. Not even from a wacked out MLCer.
Quote:
Wants to split kids on taxes when everything I read says I should claim them
Your L will advice you on this. Your L may want to show your wife that by you claiming the kids SHE will get more money…Oh…I meant the “kids” will get more money.. FTR….I say this very sarcastically.
Quote:
Why do I get the feeling I am the conductor on the train heading towards my own demise?
You will only be the conductor if you allow yourself to be. You will only be the conductor if you still think and act as if you can talk some sense into her. The old saying these neck of the woods…STFU!
Quote:
Supposed to have a sit down with the W this evening to go over money matters and some other items.
Still STFU…..STFU….No…no…no….Do not agree to anything. Dude, please do not come back here and post that “she said this or she said that”… I hope you did not agree to anything. I hope you did not bend over backwards thinking that she will see some change in you.
Still…please repeat after me….
I cannot control this….
I cannot talk my way out of this….
Actions speak louder than words….
Actions over a PERIOD of time…..
She know what buttons to push….
She know how to get me to my knees….
I am responsible for ME
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
All is good and the meeting has actually been moved to tonight. This is business and something that needs to be done. No R talk, no asking about how lives are going or any of that, just weekend planning and school year needs.
She does indeed know what buttons to push, eric, but last week or so, I have seen that and remained silent when the texts or calls are obviously only heading towards negativity and confrontation. I just have a big ole can of DB brand STFU and remember that I cannot control what she says or does, only my responses to it.
Still, sorry to hear about this. But can I say that your W seems still "care" but is not changing? Can I tell you a secret? Well, it's not a secret. It's been said many times - let her go. Do the things you need to do for YOU and YOU alone. Really. She is treating you like dirt and doing things to hurt you. How do I know? BTDT and I have a t-shirt to prove it
LET HER GO. Emotionally first before you get torn to pieces. Let her miss you. Let her work herself out. She may not, but don't let her tear you apart AND leave you. That's not good for you nor the kids.
Self-esteem. What can you do to get it back? What can you do to regain your balance? Those are questions you need to ask and right now. Get those in order and then figure out what else is going on. Break off contact unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. Show her that you are leaving. That you are you and will continue to be the strong man you have always been.
That's working on you. Rebuilding after the IED that went off near you. Get whole. Get strong. Then see what you need and want to do. There's time for that.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Doesn't sound selfish to me. Sounds like you are noticing that you need to work on you. They need time with their other parent, and you need to be in good shape for you.
Be at peace with that.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Read what AJM posted a few time. LEt it sink in. Let GO...and do it NOW...That is not to say throw in the towel - no. What I am saying is what AJM said...go figure your sh*t out. Go work on you and become a happy dude. A very happy man in his own skin.
Warning...when you let go...she will get pissed. Let her, she is not your problem right now. YOU are. So fix you and let her come crawling back.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
