I walk into work and my manager tell me someone is waiting for me in the training room, I go in and there was a lady in there serving me divorce papers.
I think I am in shock, Even now I still am holing onto hope that he will open his eyes and come around. The last time he talked about it he said he wanted to do it with a mediator and do it together, with one lawyer. I guess that idea is now out the window. I can't believe he felt he had to serve me at my work. He is crazy. We still sleep in the same bed, i still make him dinners and do his laundry, untill a week ago he was still saying I love you and kissing me before he left for work.
According to the papers he filed with the lawyer on July 7th. He has been acting normal all week. On July 9th he planned a spur of the moment trip to an amusement park.
I am just so confused.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
He is too. He is telling his buddies, "I told her I was going to D her and she keeps cooking, doing my laundry and we sleep together. We even went out the other day after I told her and she was flirting with me. Getting a D is easy and no stress, don't know what all the fuss is about. I wonder if she'll still clean my drawers when I'm gone."
He has no issues serving you, you are going along with it without any duress to him. Let him go, drop a bomb on him. Get your emotions in check and start thinking. Time for the BGPs.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
ahh the timing actually makes sense. The amusement park idea was to leave the kids with a lasting impression. "It was daddy's idea to go to the amusement park." That is what is sticking in my head. He is playing games. its time to get tough.
Kick him out. Hes living in a dream world. You are doing everything for him. He has a roof over his head and still gets to sleep in the same bed.
Now is not the time to get crazy. Thats exactly what he wants. Tell him you were expecting it and that you spoke to an attorney already just in case (even though its not the truth) By filing for divorce and by talking about divorce, you would be in your right mind to seek professional advice from an attorney.
If you feel the need to vent a little make it brief but I dont even think its worth it. The Truth of the matter was that it was easier for him to say lets talk to a Mediator than tell you that you will be served papers.
Married 10 Together 13 ILYB 1/4/2010 Separated: 1/4/2010 Moved back in 1/28/2010 Reconciled 3/14/2010
I agree about the Amusement park situation now, on monday when he mentioned wanting a divorce, i said I guess I will take the Girls on a vacation this summer by myself, I come home from work Thursday and he has already told the Girls we were going to the park before even asking me if we/I had plans, I couldn't say no then the Girls were already all excited.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Sorry Shelby....it sucks big time. Happened to me last Friday. hang in there and get ready for a long ride.
M: 39 W: 39 Kids (3): S10; S8; D4 Married 14 years Togethor: 18 years Wife's Weird Behavior Started: 2nd Half of 2009 Bomb Dropped (about being "so done"): 2/17/10 Current Status: In counseling
Marriages arent repaired by cooking and cleaning. they are repaired with open and honest communication. This communication comes from both sides. Its clear he was less than truthful with you. Plain as day.
I dont doubt that he loves you. However, hes not in love with you.
Where do you think he will go when its time to leave? I bet the answer may surprise you.
Married 10 Together 13 ILYB 1/4/2010 Separated: 1/4/2010 Moved back in 1/28/2010 Reconciled 3/14/2010
IMO people are served at work as it seems to help defuse the situation a bit... you can't really flip out at work, right?
Do NOT talk to your H about the papers at all. If he tries to bring them up tell him from this point forward all discussion will go through your attny period.
I think the bomb you drop on him will be that you agree that it's time to D, but it will not go as smooth as he thinks.
"I have kept cooking, doing the laundry, etc., trying to maintain a house and home that you would appriciate. I realize that I was only fooling myself. Thank you for getting the ball rolling on the D process. I have interviewed a couple of lawyers and will retain one of my choosing to respond to the papers."
No more Mrs. Nice Guy. It's time to make him see and feel what he is doing and that it won't be easy.
second, i'm not a vet. but i've read a lot of posts. i tend to fly off the handle and i'm a digger - i tend to make snarky comments to my stbxh and it gets me into trouble. my "advice" is really just talking out loud.
i think you should 'act as if' until you have spoken to your lawyer and protect yourself (gucci terms: cover all of your bases financially). he will think 'this is easy .. i love cake.' once that's all done, then give him the "i've been thinking about us and you're right. it took me a while to come to terms with it but i can see where you are coming from and i think d-ing is for the best. i want to look out for our kids' best interest and not disrupt their lives because of this so i think it's best that you move out. the couch is not an option because the kids will ask questions and it just won't work. your stuff is here and the door is over there."
in your best cake nazi voice .. "no cake for you!"
