I was just wondering how realistic it is for the LBS to ever be able to take back the WAS?
The WAS usually gets stuck in such a fog that they say and do mean and hurtful things. They reek havoc on us, and cause so much damage.
On top of that there's an obvious trust issue that's been created by this. If my W ever decided to try and come back, I would always wonder in the back of my mind whether or not she would do this again.
She has tried so hard to break me down and put the blame on me, which i assume is pretty common.
On top of that we will eventually detach, and hopefully set them free. Once we set them free we become more at peace and free ourselves.
I was just wondering some opinions or successes. At this point I just see it as a very difficult thing to be able to do.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
really depends on what the LBS wants and is willing to dare i say forgive?
I wouldn't call miy situation a success just yet, but working towards one best i can - has a lot to do with ME and how I want MY life to move forward, very hard to forget the pain and damage she has caused but she is realizing the damage she caused isn't just going to be gone over night - it will take work on her part as well.
gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
On top of that there's an obvious trust issue that's been created by this. If my W ever decided to try and come back, I would always wonder in the back of my mind whether or not she would do this again.
tbart,
I agree with you on the trust issue. That will take time through actions and hard work and beng opened.
As for it being in the back of your mind:
You now know how she felt and why she left. You came here to improve yourself and get understanding, right?
How do you know she won't do it again???
You don't let that happen. Use what you've learned here and put it into your R.
You know what a healthy R is about now, live it.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
In my sitch, we both hurt each other..more me to my wife. She may say mean and hurtful things, but it is the truth of what I did to her. I cannot fault her for saying it, the truth hurts.
My love to my W is unconditional, even though she had a EA(maybe PA).If I can forgive this and all is done, trust will come in time, between both of us.
Originally Posted By: gr8 day 2B alive
How do you know she won't do it again???
You don't let that happen. Use what you've learned here and put it into your R.
You know what a healthy R is about now, live it.
Word!!!
..Or do kids not say that anymore?
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
really depends on what the LBS wants and is willing to dare i say forgive?
ahhhh,
See, you HAVE to forgive. Long before there is ever chance they may or may not come back. You HAVE to forgive. That makes anything and everything and where your life is headed regardless better, and you efforts a success.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I've been working on my forgiveness. I think it's a healthy way of detaching and GAL. I forgive my W for giving up, for forgetting her vows, for not being there when I was ill, for not knowing how to fulfill my needs.
But I've also been working on forgiving myself. I've made huge mistakes in our relationship, just as bad as she has. I've taken 46 years to grow up and learn to be responsible for myself and my actions. If you want someone to love you, you have to be lovable. I forgive myself for giving into my worst fears, fears that have actually been realized.
See, you HAVE to forgive. Long before there is ever chance they may or may not come back. You HAVE to forgive. That makes anything and everything and where your life is headed regardless better, and you efforts a success.
Would someone please tell my W this!!!
I was told by W I forgive and forget to easily.
Going on a year now and W still has not forgiven me. I cannot help her with it. One day she will, when she is ready. I have forgiven her months ago and my life is so much better, even without her.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I've been working on my forgiveness. I think it's a healthy way of detaching and GAL. I forgive my W for giving up, for forgetting her vows, for not being there when I was ill, for not knowing how to fulfill my needs.
But I've also been working on forgiving myself. I've made huge mistakes in our relationship, just as bad as she has. I've taken 46 years to grow up and learn to be responsible for myself and my actions. If you want someone to love you, you have to be lovable. I forgive myself for giving into my worst fears, fears that have actually been realized.
People make mistakes. It doesn't make wrongs right, it doesn't take away the hurt that has been dealt out to others, it doesn't change any of that.
You just have to make your own peace with what you have done, and you let her make her own peace. It's really not up to you to forgive her. She has to understad she is responsible for her own choices and make her own peace, and you just have to understand that two wrongs don't make a right, and people make mistakes, and the choices we all make have consequences.
There's no point in holding onto resentment, but there is a point in setting boundaries to protect yourself and your family.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/09/1003:50 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
