Need Support

[gardengirl72]

Sigh.....

H came home Monday for a couple of days to help with house...we were going to seal the driveway, can pickles and beans....

H had been calling me from up north last week, sounding more and more detached/depressed....talked about how there is a black cloud over him, as nothing he does goes right ...which is true! Both vehicles there broke down, paint sprayer broke, lawn mower broke, hit thumb with crow bar.....

When these things happen, my H calls to vent to me. Before I would listen....now I really don't care...I think he brings this on with all the negativity, woe-is-me feelings.

Sorry, I digressed. Anyway, I had not talked to him about hearing the rumors of A (with a different OW) or that I had taken my rings off.

When H got here, he had taken his ring off!!!

We both did what we do best and looked the other way and pretended not to notice!!

Anyway, we had a very nice day canning pickles and green beans. We always got along great and had fun doing things together; but, I can't get past the rumor and now no ring on his finger, and him acting like everything is fine!

After supper, I decided I needed to know....probably a bad move....but I cannot go on and be friends while he has....what 1, 2 or more other women!!

H denied having an affair with 2nd woman....we are just friends!! I told him I thought he was having an EA...H didn't know what that was. No one calls someone of opposite sex 30+ times a month and hangs out with them, while still married, without some kind of connection.

Told H I was not willing to live in an open marriage...he said again he was not 'doing' anything with either one of them...again I said you still talk to them. H said MOST times he doesn't answer 1st ow calls. I asked why can't you tell her not to call if you don't want to talk to her. He said he does tell her not to call.....she doesn't call for awhile then starts calling again.

H thought I was seeing someone (rings off). No I wouldn't do that...why not?....because I'M married!!! I took rings off cause I will not be a part of an open marriage!

At this point we decided to stop, I felt I had set a boundary.

The next couple of days were ok...

I still felt the need to continue with R talk....I know bad move....but I am so tired of living in limbo....it either makes or breaks it!

So, before H left Wed.p.m., I said we didn't finish our talk.

H said, 'what do you want! I told you there is nothing going on between either OW.'

I said, 'why do you still talk to 1st ow?' (who he had PA/EA with, now 'we're JUST talking')

H said, 'you want me to tell her to stop calling...I can do that.' I said, 'you will be willing to do that?'

H said, 'yeah' I said, 'really, YOU would be able to do that?'

H said, 'yeah....ahhh not right now though. I am not going to do this with you sitting right here.'

I said, 'REALLY! Why not??'

I really know why...wondering what he will say.

'She will have too many questions....and I don't want to answer all of them with you here.' WTF!!!

At this point I knew I was done...I said calmly, 'I cannot do this anymore. I cannot be your 'friend' while you are involved with OW. I cannot enjoy what we did the last couple of days pretending you are not talking to these women....it is too hard for me to separate. I WANT to be able to just give you a hug or kiss or flirt like we used to...I cannot do that.'

He said, 'what? You don't want me here?'

'I won't be 2nd or 3rd.'

'Fine. When I come back you can leave if you can't be here when I'm here.'

'ok. I will probably go north when you come to finish driveway.'

'What. NOW you want to go up north?' (H has been asking if I wanted to come up....I had put off cause I knew he was still talking to OW)

'I always did.'

He got the dog, went out to the truck....said, 'I KNEW this was going to happen...I KNEW it. yup you're kicking me out!'

'no I won't be 2nd or 3rd. What are you telling people up north as to why I'm not there?'

'you're down here taking care of the house cause we're selling it.' He still doesn't get it!!

He left with, 'when the house sells we are going to have to change our wills.' WTF

I said, 'when the house sells there are a lot of things that are going be changed.'

H has always said he doesn't want a D....I would have to be the one to do it......

[gardengirl72]

Well, I guess when setting a boundary one should fully explain them!

About 2 weeks after I told H I would not live in an open marriage, and that meant as long as he was still talking to OW I would not be his friend and I did not want to stay at same house as him nor did I want him to call any more, I received a letter in the mail (from finance company).

H bought a $28,000.00 tractor!! He financed $18,000.00....needless to say I was on the phone immediately!!!

His excuse.......ready........You told me Not to call you!!!

Seriously!!........W T F!!!!!!

Make sure when setting the boundary......I don't want you to call me.......you fully state except if it has anything to do with: the house, finances, kids, vehicles, pets!! ...... ~gg.