Keylogger software is easy to setup and use. I decided to purchase one that PDT suggested in another thread called "eBlaster" it has served as a great tool to confirming many things and help open my eyes to things I never even knew was going on in my W's head. Gave me a new understanding of my sitch and enabled me to seek advice that helps combat the A.
Learning the truth did hurt but it also reality and I felt our sicth nor the A could be busted unless I knew exactly what I was dealing with....it is worth the temporary pain you will feel.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I'll look into it. Man I felt happy a few min ago and now I feel sad and upset
Running is a great exercise and you need to use that as an outlet, however if you are using it to get the "morphs" up...there comes a time you just have to "deal". You can't read something and go for a run every time, KWIM?
A man has to prepare himself to read/hear/see the worst whenever he begins to get intell on his cheating W. You are the only one who knows if you can handle it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Keylogger software is easy to setup and use. I decided to purchase one that PDT suggested in another thread called "eBlaster" it has served as a great tool to confirming many things and help open my eyes to things I never even knew was going on in my W's head. Gave me a new understanding of my sitch and enabled me to seek advice that helps combat the A.
Learning the truth did hurt but it also reality and I felt our sicth nor the A could be busted unless I knew exactly what I was dealing with....it is worth the temporary pain you will feel.
That's a great perspective, OIN. It prompted me to pull this up, from my own personal archives:
On snooping “makes you nuts” – I say just the opposite! :
You know, it's funny, but every time I get into one of our frequent "Snooping is bad!" debates around here (I am very pro-intel, as you all know), one of the arguments that the anti-snooping crowd always give is, basically, "It'll make you nuts!"
I contend just the opposite. Us humans are wired to fear -- to "go nuts" -- over the UNKNOWN, not the KNOWN.
Ronald Reagan said, of the Soviets, "Trust -- but verify." It is in that verification that we can either find STRENGTH AND PEACE OF MIND (if nothing is going on), or KNOWLEDGE AND DISCERNMENT about the right course of action (if something is).
For the life of me, I can't see anything wrong with that.
Pro’s and Con’s of “Snooping”:
1. to verify initially whether or not there is infidelity involved in your sitch, so that you can attack it appropriately.
2. to establish evidence/grounds for a possible divorce action if yours is a "fault" state.
3. to gather evidence for a possible custody battle, and to help you make a determination as to whether or not you SHOULD go for custody (is the cheating spouse engaging in risky behavior that would make them a poor parent in their current state).
4. to determine what it is that OM/OW is providing your spouse, so that you may begin to better provide it. To determine what OM/OW is doing that ticks your spouse off, so that you can avoid those behaviors.
5. as an early warning system for any possible financial or legal threats.
6. to monitor what outside pressures are having an affect on your spouse (her parents, her friends, your adult children, etc.).
7. to determine if the affair has gotten physical (medical risk).
8. to verify no-contact once no-contact and transparency have been agreed to as part of reconciliation.
9. to determine the extent to which you believe OM/OW may be a risk to your spouse and/or your family (ex.: abuse, unstable behavior, etc.).
10. to expose deceitful tactics of the cheating spouse which, if unverified, may lead you to make false assumptions and tactical errors (ex.: cheating spouse says they want to go to MC to try to work on reconciling the marriage, but they confide to a BF that they are only doing it to buy time while they squirrel away marital assets to be used on a divorce).
Those are some "pro's" just off the top of my head.
On the "con" side, all I can come up with is:
1. If you don't control your emotions, you may not be able to handle it.
I'm sorry, this whole "snooping is BAD!" thing, to me, is just one of those mantras that gets mindlessly repeated, until it becomes part of the official catechism, without stopping to consider the real merits of it.
The important thing, as stated above, is to be ready to handle anything you discover. I had trouble with this intially as as soon as I got some information, I confronted. Like going to a gun battle with a knife...I thought I had something until I got into the middle of it.
I would obtain as much info as you can, compile it, and come up with a game plan here.
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4
Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
The important thing, as stated above, is to be ready to handle anything you discover. I had trouble with this intially as as soon as I got some information, I confronted. Like going to a gun battle with a knife...I thought I had something until I got into the middle of it.
I would obtain as much info as you can, compile it, and come up with a game plan here.
