I am new here but not to MLC. We have been married 30 years and have 2 sons, 25 and 22. My H gave me the speech Jun 09 and moved out Aug 09. He moved in with OW and her D in Oct 09. So it has been a year of frustration, anger, sadness and lonliness.
Just a few highlights. My sister died in Nov 09 from lung cancer and I traveled out of state for funeral with my son and when I got back H had broke into house and removed what he considered his possessions! He then proceeded to tell me to hire someone to take care of things around the house. I am living in and paying the entire mortgage on our home. He has told me in no uncertain terms he is not coming back, is in love with someone else and I need to move on.
The boys refuse to talk or have anything to do with him and I am being chastised SIL saying I am teaching them hatred for their father. MIL and FIL are trying to stay neutral but not sure that is true. Oldest son is getting married in Jul 2010 and no one from that side of family is being invited including H which I have asked my son to reconsider.
2 days ago H had surgery to remove cancerous bladder and prostarte and will wear a colomstomy bag rest of his life. I do not believe that OW will be able to handle all of this since the affair is so hot and heavy and he is basically now impotent.
I love my husband and have have done a 180 to show him that I believe we can reconcile and save the marriage but am not sure he will ever see that. I have gone to the hospital andhe seems generally happy to see me and has sent several texts saying nice things. Am I reading too much into this or is this life changing scenario what is needed for him to reevaluate his choices?
I love my husband and have have done a 180 to show him that I believe we can reconcile and save the marriage but am not sure he will ever see that. I have gone to the hospital andhe seems generally happy to see me and has sent several texts saying nice things. Am I reading too much into this or is this life changing scenario what is needed for him to reevaluate his choices?
These are my views and opinions, take them for what there worth.
If illness never happened to H, would he still be with OW?
If H is impotent, does OW want to be with him? If no then are you your H's safety net?
Life changing events can make people change so if you follow that route please go slow and make sure the changes are permanent.
Side thought, people who have a heart attack(Life Changing Event)make changes to their diet and exercise. After 6 months over 60% of them go back to the same life style as before the attack.
Doing the right thing requires hard work.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Funny you should mention a heart attack - he had that happen in 2002 and had double bypass while on a family vacation in Orlando. I believe that this was the begiining of pre MLC. He went through a depression and pretty much left family and home responsibilities to me for well over a year.
He know blames me for being controlling. I was in the military for 22 years and he followed me around which is not easy for a man. Last year when he moved out and tried to establish utilities he again was angry with me because all of the utilities were in my name. He seems to forget that when we moved to this place and I was still in the military that all was put in my name so we did not have to pay deposits but he was using this as a means to blaming me for CONTROLLING! I now pay all expenses on our property including sons car loan, insuranceetc because ....I make twice as much money as him (this is according to him). I am sorry that he left a good life and took up with a OW thats has no education and works in a bakery part time at minimum wage and he can no .,onger enjoy all that we had.
OK so I am ranting I know but somedays it really pisses me off.
When i went to visit him at the hospital the other day, OW was in room when I walked in and she literally ran out of the room like a sacred rabbit.so I guess she is more fearful of me tahn I thought. It should really be interesting now with him on disability for 8-12 weeks and less income than ever. Plus no bar hopping and sex so will see how wonderful the relationship really is. Sure I still want him to come home but I also see that I DO NOT NEED HIM.
well my husband is not doing well with his cancer recovery. Very sick, has an infection so can't start his chemo. I just wonder what the hell this OW is doing to help him. I saw my counselor the other day and said I felt guilty for not being there to take care of him. She said not much you can do until he reaches rock bottom and asks. Still hard to deal with. This is a man who has lost about 30 pounds in 2 months because he cannot eat properly and he has all kinds of bowel and bladder issues.
As ill as he is he tells me the day he had his staples removed from the incision he was out mowing grass in 90 degree OK heat. What kind of "soul-mate" wpuld allow something like this. She is the most needy, emotionally disabled person. I don't get this at all. How does he thinks this woman is the love of his life?
