Well, I have started another posting. Seems after awhile the others just fade away. Maybe I dont know how to do this right. So last night I initiated conversation to my H. Since the bomb he has been sleeping on our couch. It is driving me crazy. The plan was he was going to build a room in our detached garage for him to stay in but things are getting to comfortable for me. I know he is in a different place than I am and his being there is getting to me. I told him if we are going to do this we need clear boundaries. This probably would have been a good solution financiall for us but I just dont think it will work very well. I get scared because I am afraid of what may happen as I realize most of us are. H claims he of course does not want to give me false hope. I just told him he needs to get on with doing what it is he feels he needs to do for himself but that I will not give up on our M and my door is open. I did tell him that I will have cutoff time but I am not sure at this point what that is. He stated that he did not want to know. I met with a MC and she had advised me to go ahead and initiate some of this conversation with him. I have been going crazy and just don't think I can completely detach with him at the house. I need to get my head at a place where I can focus on myself and quit obsessing about us. I have got to work on this and it has just been too crazy. H coming home telling me about his day and problems. It is like we are just roommates and I cannot stand it. I have to change my focus for me and I cannot help but get those feelings. It just really s*cks that he believes he cannot work on his own happiness and be together. He definately recognizes that he is in a crises maybe not ML but he thinks he will associate it with that considering his age, he will be 40 soon.
I am needing to get my life in some order before I go insane doing what it is I am doing now. I have lost myself and now I have to refind out who I really want to be and what my goals are as of today. I hate feeling like this inside and it is getting to me day by day. I know I cannot just completely turn off my feelings but right now they are just so raw and exposed it is awful. Well, thats my post for now.
sb2, get out of the house and get busy. I have not read your other posts or threads and I do not know your sitch. I do know that 6 years ago this month I found out the reason for my H's detachment from me (ow/MLC). H never left the house although he moved 95% of his stuff somewhere. Now....he is slowly inching back.
Many days I was just like you, I didn't know how long I could go on the way things were. But I did, sometimes it was minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.
I stayed busy. I volunteered. I got out of the house even though I like being home and love being outside. Find things that will bring a smile to your face. Whistle. There is no way that you can frown and be sad while you whistle. And, it makes them wonder what the dickens you're so happy about!
As much as your MC is supposed to be helping, if your H is in MLC it will NOT help to talk to him or bring things up and try to rationalize with him. It just doesn't. I think in many cases it angers them and riles them even more and they feel forced to take action.
Do a 180 and walk the other way, GAL, and try to maintain that friendship with your H. Time and patience are your friends.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
You really should keep one thread going. You might not get a response to every single post but you had some good folks following your sitch now they have to find you again.
People will link to your thread under topic options at the top of the page. I had you bookmarked on the old thread. Found you when you posted a new one by accident.
I really would continue posting under your old thread. It keeps everything in one place.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Okay that is helpful to know. I wish there were more instructions on how this works. I appreciate all of the help. I guess I will go back to my other post if that is better.
