Why does this bother my WAW?

[elscotto]

Why does it bother women (yes i know this is a generalization) to see their ex husband with another woman? My wife didn't want me, was having an affair (EA or PA) told me she didn't want me anymore, didn't want to work on the marriage, etc...and moved out. Now it seems that she is bothered by the fact that I am dating another woman and said woman occasionally spends thenight with me. BTW, I kept the house that my ex and I built 12 years ago.

I mean--let's face it I have had to deal with her dating another person--worse yet she started dating the OM while we were married.

All you amateur psychologists what's happening here? Her actions right now indicate that she could not hate me more at this point. I know she is still with the OM for a fact although 6 1/2 months after the divorce she has not gone public with their relationship.

Thanks in advance for the insight.

[luvless]

Too bad for her els...she didn't want you and now someone else does. The WAS hates that (most of the time) which I don't understand myself. It's just plain selfish.

You think she hates you more at this point? well...she is just angry that you are dating. It pisses her off cuz she has no control.

Keep being happy and ignore her. She wanted this right? let her reap.

Hugs! Luv..

[soleil]

It's all territorial. The same thing happens to men who exited the R or M and feel the jealousy when their W starts dating someone.

[beingreal]

I do not think that hate is the opposite of love. Indifference is. Hate and love are such strong emotions, you don't waste that much energy on someone you don't care about. Even if you think you *hate* them. And let's face it, in this world the lines between love & hate often get very blurry.

If she really didn't have feelings FOR you, she wouldn't have feelings about your dating. So yeah, her saying she hates you isn't the same as her saying she loves you...but at least she cares.

It's when she stops caring that you're done.

[elscotto]

Hmmmm I keep hearing the whole territorial thing too but kinda wondering why someone still has any interest in a territory they willingly and happily skipped away from. Thanks Luvless and Soleil for taking the time out to answer this. I have to say it makes me feel pretty good that it makes her feel crappy that I am dating people and that women want to take her place in a heartbeat.

There is a small part of me that would love the satisfaction of knowing that me being with other women makes her think about it and be bothered day and night like I went through when I found out she was cheating on me and after the divorce.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

It's an ego thing. She thinks you have nothing to offer in a realtionship. She left b/c she thought no one else would find you interesting.

Another point too...

She will not like seeing you with another woman around your kids.

That will get to her more.

[soleil]

I do not think that hate is the opposite of love. Indifference is. Hate and love are such strong emotions, you don't waste that much energy on someone you don't care about.
It's when she stops caring that you're done.

Agreed.

Even when people are done with relationships, it seems they always feel a little strange about their ex's new partner. That's just the way the cookie crumbles. Granted, some folks can get used to it pretty quickly and deal with it well but I think there is always that initial pang of "what's so and so like?"

Humans. LOL.

[elscotto]

It's an ego thing. She thinks you have nothing to offer in a realtionship. She left b/c she thought no one else would find you interesting.

Another point too...

She will not like seeing you with another woman around your kids.

That will get to her more.

Well seeing me, another woman, and her kids together I know will bother her. I know this because the OM WAS a family friend and my ex has him over as a "friend" and as a part of a larger gathering (read party--oh lord does she drink a lot these days)

So I have had to endure since day one of the divorce her being with the OM and having him in my kids presence. It sucked bigtime!! For that matter 3 mos after the divorce my 9 year walked in on them kissing and told my 15 year old about it. BTW--my 15 year old asked me why we got a divorce a month ago and I told him. Seems like our relationship has gotten so much better--he told me he had known about his mom's relationship for a couple of months. I'm sure it was killing him to protect me.

[dday101798]

This has been a topic visited twice this week with my (x)W. She gets downright hysterical when any names are mentioned of potential dating interests I had when she had done the same as your XW, ran off with OM right in front of the kids, filed on me, took everything, and yet I was just supposed to become a monk or something as part of her master plan.

Then she freaked when that plan did not come to frutition. As it was, just into our S and her A, I had told her numerous times, I'm young(er), have some smarts, promissing career, and not to toot my own horn, but not a bad looking guy and someone will want me when the day comes. And as I grew and let go expecially after the D, I had a few different options available to me. One of which I started to get really close to, and when I allowed her to be around my sons (who told me I had every right to be happy with someone else), (x)W started acting really strange, and then finally came back.

But I did ask her again point blank last night, how in the world is it sensible that she threaten women of any interest eiter way, or even dated, while she carried off with OM, and declared in the most profound way you didn't want me? Only answer I got is "because you are my husband".

[elscotto]

This has been a topic visited twice this week with my (x)W. She gets downright hysterical when any names are mentioned of potential dating interests I had when she had done the same as your XW, ran off with OM right in front of the kids, filed on me, took everything, and yet I was just supposed to become a monk or something as part of her master plan.

Then she freaked when that plan did not come to frutition. As it was, just into our S and her A, I had told her numerous times, I'm young(er), have some smarts, promissing career, and not to toot my own horn, but not a bad looking guy and someone will want me when the day comes. And as I grew and let go expecially after the D, I had a few different options available to me. One of which I started to get really close to, and when I allowed her to be around my sons (who told me I had every right to be happy with someone else), (x)W started acting really strange, and then finally came back.

But I did ask her again point blank last night, how in the world is it sensible that she threaten women of any interest eiter way, or even dated, while she carried off with OM, and declared in the most profound way you didn't want me? Only answer I got is "because you are my husband".

So Dday you are saying that your sons knew about the affair and who wanted out and so forth?

I ask only because my 15 year old does, I am sure my 13 year old must, and its a matter of time before my 10 year old does. I get the same feeling that they are super okay with Dad dating these days and wonder if they might not have sensed that I was the injured party.

Either way--thats funny that your X get's hysterical about that stuff.