H visited the children tonight for 5 hours as he normally does on a Wed.
He was in a calm relaxed mood. It actually feels as if he feels at home here again. He was holding S13 hand and stroking it at one stage and then played a card game with him before giving him big cuddles. He did this once before he went into withdrawal for 12 weeks.There is a peace about him now that I feel.
I am also sure H was stood in our bedroom at one stage. He certainly seemed to come from that direction. He hasn't been near there for months and even at one stage used to close the door if he was upstairs.
He was laughing and making jokes with S13 and me. No sign of depression. Good eye contact and he touch my hand twice. Both felt natural and normal. He made no mention of the wine etc and neither did I. He was wearing a watch OW bought him for Christmas when he arrived. I noticed he subtly took it off during the evening as it had caused a conversation at Christmas that had upset me.
I'm not sure why but I showed him the photo's from our holiday last week. He didn't ask about it at all but as it involved the kids I told him about where we had been and how we had a good time. He didn't say much and really struggled looking at the photo's. I think he felt guilty and sad that we all went away. It is highly unlikely that he will ever have all the children on holiday with him in the future.
When he left he was upbeat . He is taking S16 away for the weekend so will be back on Friday to pick him up.
I did try a different approach when I showed him the holiday photo's. Normally I wouldn't have said anything unless H initiated the conversation. Although he was uncomfortable he didn't get angry and did make small conversation about the holiday when I initiated it.
I will watch and wait to see what happens on Friday.
I feel at peace and calm at the moment and detached from his rollercoaster.
I'm glad you had a wonderful holiday and bday. You and your children deserved it!
Sounds like your H is peeking out of the tunnel again. It must do your heart good to see the positive interaction with the children. It appears that he missed the family.
Good on you for choosing peace and calm while your H is on his journey. Do what's best for you!
SA, See the quiet dignity you expressed to Hokey? My first response to my husband sticking his head out of a tunnel would be to aim at it.
Hokey, I'm very proud for you. Go slowly, take your time, be patient, and you just may get to reintroduce yourself to the man you fell in love with in the first place. Praying for you.
H came this morning to pick S16 p for a weekend trip planned for the two of them.
H seemed sadder and weary this morning. I think OW made it less than easy for him to take this time out with S. I don't think she likes him spending time with the children. At the moment this time is increasing and not decreasing. When he gets home Monday night he is going straight to see our D who lives in a difffeernt city at Uni, so not going straight back to OW.
The ow my H is with also resents the time he spends with the kids. I think it's the insecurity they must have when they've taken up with someone who's M with children.
I hope your H and S have a wonderful time and it's possible it may remind H of what he has been missing out on.
JMO Guys, but the kids not only take his attention away from THEM, the all important OW, but they are a direct link and reminder of YOU. Just looking at his children will remind him of you, and that is the last thing she wants. Plus, they are bound to talk about "mom did this" or "Mom took us there".
It's not the kids fault, of course, just the immaturity and self-centeredness of both the WH and the OW. The OW in my case is breaking her neck to suck up to his boys, but not my girls, whom he adopted and raised as his own.
H has just been to pick up S16 for their tip to Europe for the weekend.
There was a sadness about him this morning. I am sure OW didn't let him go on this trip easily. He appeared weary.
Also he was wearing his 'replay' clothes. These have been appearing less and less for which I was glad as his taste has def deteriorated lol! So today he is wearing a T shirt that is to small and a jacket that doesn't suit him (in my opinion and I AM his wife).
Hopefully S and H will have a good time and they will enjoy their time together.
There is a constant fight within me that I am wrestling with to push away. The sadness is trying to consume me about H being away with S. Not from a jealousy point of view but the sadness that we as parents now take our children away individually.
Despite this wrestle within me that persists in creeping up I have no desire to text H to find out if they are ok. From a detached point of view I feel fine.
Now if I would just get this sadness out of the way. You would think I would be happy that H is with S as at least he is not with OW. But this sadness has nothing to do with her. It is deeper in my soul somehow and by passes OW completely.
Thank you for posting on my thread. Your words were just what I needed to hear.
Please do something special for yourself today. When I am feeling low I get out of my house. There is always something fun to see if you keep your eyes open. On recent bike rides I've seen (1) a couple walking their pet ferret on a leash, (2) a man dressed in a Scottish kilt playing bagpipes (it wasn't a festival, he was just standing along a bike path doing this), and (3) a fabulous neon navel orange-colored sunset over a lake near my home. Something special is waiting out there for you.
