I know this is what I need to do. I have most of my decree written (thanks again BBJ) except for the holiday portion. Each time I try to approach it I get angry. Angry because I don't want to have to share my time with my son. I've raised him, virtually on my own. I understand he has just as much right as his father but it kills my heart to face that I won't get to spend time with him all the time.
I'm struggling with this. I know this is what I need to do (file) but it's what I've fought so hard to avoid...and well here I am anyway. Scared because it makes it final. Cutting the cord once and for all. Scary reality!
It took me 9 months from the first time I visited a lawyer's office, to the time I filed...finally I realized that as long as I was playing by his rules nothing would ever change and I would stay stuck in limbo, married but not married, giving him everything he wanted and nothing he didn't. So my life was growing more complicated while he was free to pick and choose where/how he wanted to be involved. That was the last straw (that and finding out he was still seeing OW)...
You have to decide for yourself that you have done all you could, you are confident that you did your best and there is nothing left to do. One person can't pull the weight of two in fixing a marriage.
After I filed and submitted the paperwork, I still had an "Oh crap, what have I done?" moment. But I really doubt he would have filed unless/until he wanted to get married again, bc filing only hurt him in the long run, he benefitted from being married financially, legally, etc.
So trust your heart and your mind and file if/when YOU know it is time...
Well a good friend of mine sadly is visiting the same lawyer on Tuesday. I'll look to her as to what to expect. I really don't see how I can stay in the marriage as there has been so much infidelity....first with my best friend of 10 years...the one that stung the most. Then a trickle of different women, the latest is the 5x felon some of you may know about. I haven't even touched on the alcoholism.
Seems pretty black and white doesn't it? When you spell it out. It's just hard to let go of this, to him. Especially when he was none of these things for the first 10-13 years we've been together.
I'm 31, he's all I've ever known. I've never dated anyone else. It's scary and hopefully maybe at a chance at a decent relationship someday??? But lots of uncertainty.
Yes. That is scary. When I'm lonely I go back over my serious relationships before W and they were all great women -- well the one right before W was a drunk, but she was also the most fun -- so I tell myself I just have to be patient.
A friend of mine down in Georgia -- not Mishka, an old HS friend, said after her divorce she really tried to find one for about a year, finally gave up and then met her second husband.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I am not a follower of horoscopes, I think they are vague words...but, BUT, today I read mine. Haven't read it in probably two years. It said the following:
Know when to quit. Yes its good to push yourself to see how much you can stand, but at some point walking away is the next step forward.
HMMMMMMMMMMMM.................someone trying to get a message to me? Pretty sure that's as loud and clear as it comes.
I waited 2.5 years before I filed. I waited for the SG to do it, and he didn't.
It's all about how much you can take. If you are not ready, don't do it.
Everyone is different. But it is really only a piece of paper, so ask yourself what will be different if you file?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I agree exactly, Lola. It will be 2 years in April from when my WAW dropped the bomb on me and said she wanted a divorce. No filing yet by either one of us - just a lot of months in limboland. Everytime I've had enough and inch towards the door she feeds me just enough to suck me back in.
Everyone has their own timetable - definitely one shoe does not fit when it comes to filing for D.
Well a good friend of mine sadly is visiting the same lawyer on Tuesday. I'll look to her as to what to expect. I really don't see how I can stay in the marriage as there has been so much infidelity....first with my best friend of 10 years...the one that stung the most. Then a trickle of different women, the latest is the 5x felon some of you may know about. I haven't even touched on the alcoholism.
Seems pretty black and white doesn't it? When you spell it out. It's just hard to let go of this, to him. Especially when he was none of these things for the first 10-13 years we've been together.
I'm 31, he's all I've ever known. I've never dated anyone else. It's scary and hopefully maybe at a chance at a decent relationship someday??? But lots of uncertainty.
I feel ya Nik! We could be twins, except I'm 34! So I guess you would be my little sis...
My exH was my second boyfriend EVER, I never did more than KISS a boy before him. And only a few shy kisses at that since my first bf was shy...He is the only one I have ever slept with, lived with, made plans with....so I know it is very scary. Even if it is just a piece of paper, one that doesn't change the day to day life (bc lets face it we are already living without them), the FINALITY of it, the 'official'ness, got to me. I hated pulling the plug but I realized that all the CPR in the world wasn't going to bring him back to me. None of us can save an M by ourselves...
Anyway just know I understand. When you are ready, you will be ready. But even then having some doubts/fears is totally normal. I compared it to amputating a limb. (I know--I'm gross!) If the limb is infected, leaving it attached will only wind up hurting me more...But removing it is removing a part of ME, so that's scary. In the end you have to decide if it is worth the pain to keep the connection...
OK enough rambling. Do something fun, it's Friday!
Thanks EVERYONE for all the advice, words...I appreciate it this so much more than you know.
BBJ - yeah it's never easy for sure but goodness I know nothing else much like you. It's sad when his family is saying divorce him, everyone is. It's weird....you go from being married, which is suppose to be the closest two individuals can get right...to just distant strangers, hardly talking. That's what's weird for me. I think doesn't it bother him he doesn't see or talk to us, us being me and our son, that often I mean once twice a week?? Our lives so closely intertwined to nothing. Just weird. Everywhere I drive I have to drive by our house it seems, it's hard to escape. The piece of paper won't change anything except it's legal then. Then I'll feel like I've completely lost him, but I guess I already have. Then I'll be labeled "divorced" which is what I fought so hard to avoid.
I'm meeting some girls for dinner and a few drinks tonight and doing church and the gym tomorrow. Probably a birthday party in the afternoon.
