WAW in PA-I Moved Out in Error & D has been Filed

[Quart9]

I retrieved the last few things I had at STBXW's apt on Friday. I think I experienced every emotion in about a 3-4 hour time frame while I was there. It shouldn't have taken me that long but she and I spent way too much time talking and going through our stuff. We argued a little (even though I went there with the mindset that I wouldn't) and we shared some harsh words.

She cried a few times while I was there. At one point I hugged her and comforted her and there was a minute that that familiar feeling of "us" showed up. It was like we were still together just standing in the kitchen and I was giving her a shoulder to cry on because of something that had upset her (like I used to).

As she stopped crying I told her that it didn't have to be this way and she just looked at me like she agreed but she didn't say anything. I felt embarrassed and ashamed for letting my guard down and comforting her. Unfortunately, I spent the rest of the time I was there after that acting like a jerk.

While I was there on Friday we also found pictures of us together when we were younger. She kept trying to put some of the pictures in a box that I had going to collect my things. I told her to stop – I didn’t want old pictures of us and she could keep them or throw them away. To me they are nothing but hurtful memories that I don't want to keep reliving. I dunno what her point was with that, but I hope by going through that stuff she realized just how intertwined our lives are - I know I did.

We came across stuff from our wedding too like the ring bearers pillow, napkins, toasting flutes, etc. Jokingly I said we should smash the flutes and she became really eager to do that. I was just kidding as I really didn’t want to but she asked me a couple of times after that if I wanted to smash them. To me that seemed disrespectful of our wedding and the occasion. We only drank out of the things that one time and I didn’t really want the memory of breaking them.

I kept the good-bye short and uneventful and as I was leaving she tried to talk more about the D. I just blew that discussion with her off. She said she would have the attorney she has finish drawing up the paperwork. I didn’t tell her I had already filed – maybe I should have? I went to the sheriff’s office this past Thursday to set it up so that they will serve her in a couple of weeks. I’m sure that will be the next time I talk to her.

[Quart9]

Short term goals:

1. Put a bunch of the things I moved out of the apt on Friday that I don’t need on craigslist and sell them.
2. Get off the cell phone plan and car insurance with her ASAP.
3. Channel my focus more on the end of this school term and the next couple of weeks by sketching more and tuning out this sitch.

Long term goals:
1. Work on my confidence and self esteem by:
-doing everything I can to continue to improve my health/appearance by eating better and working out
-reading! and continuing to educate myself on becoming a better man and a better partner for someone in the future
-continue to GAL every chance I get
2. Change my attitude to stay positive by:
-setting short term goals and accomplishing them
-continuing and finishing the self help program I started on toolstolife.com
-keeping up my faith in God
-practicing to be more optimistic and practicing less procrastination
-keep up with my friends and family
3. Succeed in finishing school and having a career by:
-pushing myself more in school to accomplish my goal and increase my competitiveness
-keeping my life balanced between doing well in school and working on my other goals
-making more friends and doing a better job networking at school
4. Learn to accept the divorce by:
-focusing on my future
-eventually begin dating again
-making it through the D and putting the past behind me

[Quart9]

Wow. I was sure this thread would be closed by now. Thought I would come back and see how everyone here is doing. Looks like unfortunately there is still a steady stream of newcomers. I was wondering if Gnosis, Puppydog, robx, and Mr. Bond were still here commenting and assisting people.

I just read over some of my old posts - man was I pathetic - haha!

[Quart9]

For the newcomers: you have found an awesome source here to help you try and save your marriage. Go back and read through old posts that people have made as it seems there is always atleast 1 or more people that have had a very similar experience. There is a list of do's and don't often provided by Sandi2 that can really help you. Check my old thread or http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1952120&page=1 to find it.

THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone here that helped me with my sitch.

No matter how bad your sitch is you will make it through it. Everything happens for a reason. Ask yourself:

-Is it a problem or an opportunity?-

[GH31]

Hi Quart9,

Hope you're keeping well. Let us know how you're doing if you still lurk here.

best wishes,

GH31