WAW in PA-I Moved Out in Error & D has been Filed

[Quart9]

Journaling:

Hmmm. My dear WAW moving on and being free. Like a bird in a tree. Blahhhhh. Yeah, I can see it.

Had a pretty good weekend. Did so good at GAL on Fri night that I spent all day recovering from it on Sat. These college kids and their crazy parties.

Got the 'ol tax thing straightened out today. The Financial Aid Dept gave me the go ahead to file jointly with W so that we will get a refund rather than having to pay a huge sum to the IRS. Oh she was so greatful to me! She calls me by my first name now on a regular basis and it bugs me. We never called each other by our first names. GRRRR!

She wanted to give me the entire tax refund but I told her no. I told her we are going to put it towards the credit card debt we have (which thankfully is not much). That's about all of the debt we have together (no cars, prop, etc.) and I want it paid off ASAP.

The days are getting longer and the times I will have to interact with her are becoming fewer and farther between. I went to what I guess I should consider 'her' apt today and picked up the luggage so I will have it for Miami this next weekend. She has removed all of the identifying 'Mr. and Mrs.' tags from them. I guess she didn't want to get confused when she went on her shack up sessions w/ OM. Or maybe it might have reminded her of me - wouldn't want that when you have someone else boinking you ya know...

I was only in the garage of the apt (and she wasn't there) and it was weird being back there. It felt like I should be able to just walk upstairs, open the door, get a glass of water, and sit down on our couch. It was such an oddly familiar feeling.

Just looking forward to this weekend in MIA. Rumor has it W's Mom is coming to CA to visit her this weekend. I guess OM gets the weekend off - maybe he'll get a chance to ketchup with his W?

[Cautious]

So jealous. Today, S5 and I were talking about going to FL. He was amazed that flights there were so cheap so I told him "Don't get too excited, all I can afford in FL is the flight. We'd spend the entire trip in the hotel room." He still wants to go.

I hope my school is as understanding of my retardation in giving ExCautious the entire refund... I forsee bad things in my future if not. That man made me so foolish, I swear.

Fewer and farther between can definitely be a good thing. I guess some people think you have to have some kind of contact in order to win the WAS back, but I think it helps when contact comes from out of left field. Maybe. Only time will tell.

[Quart9]

You and S5 could get a hotel near the beach and not have to worry about going anywhere else. It seems our Ex's are good at aiding us in looking foolish. Why did you give him the entire refund?

We might see snow reports in hell before I win my WAS back and I really have no intentions of winning her back. Too much lying, betrayal, and intercourse between W and OM has happened for me to want her back. JC would have to make a miracle happen for it to work out between us. Plus, she has made it clear that she does not want me back EVER.

"So remember that all of this crap we are dealing with is a temporary setback . We have to go through all of this to get to something really amazing and for us to realize what we really have Is amazing."

That was in an e-mail that I saw a few weeks ago from W to OM.

Probably wrong for me to post that here but oh well. "All of this crap we are dealing with" - I guess that would be the way she refers to the dissolution of our marriage (and I suppose the S or D that OM is supposedly going through with his W). She goes on to tell him how much she adores him and how fortunate she feels that they have met.

It's kinda funny though because he doesn't seem to reciprocate with as much passion and enthusiasm as she does. Maybe that's just not his style or maybe he's just not as into her as she is for him (that's what the ornery side of me wants to think anyhow). My dad loves to say, "if they are willing to cheat with you then they are willing to cheat on you..."

[Cautious]

Her foundation seems to be crumbling, from that line. He's getting ready to walk away because he doesn't want to deal with her problems, potentially. Beware the boomerang effect from her - if he does leave her she may come running back to you expecting your full reconciliation without ever discussing the issues.

Wishing you all the luck in your future, Quart!

[Quart9]

You think so Cautious? I dunno really. They might be loosing some steam but there is no way to really know. I don't expect the boomerang effect from her. I would love to see it just for the ability to say 'I told you so' but I think the hole has been dug too deep on this deal.

[Quart9]

Journaling:

After getting out of town for a few days I feel recharged. I had a great time at my friend's wedding. I spent most of three days hanging out with my buddies and did my very best to not think about STBXW.

It was tough traveling and not being there with her around "our" friends. Only one or two people asked me about her (which seemed odd) but it was good. There was plenty going on to keep my mind off of her. The ceremony was a little tough (hearing those words ya know), but I wish the best for my friend and his new wife and I still have confidence in marriage.

I felt like I got some of my spark back - not completely back but some of it. What I mean by that is I have NEVER been shy about having a good time and being right in the middle of everything. I just feel like this experience with the S, the PA, and the D has changed me some. Like I should - oh I dunno - really pay attention more to what is going on around me. That's been one of the 180's I've been working on.

In a way I kinda feel like I let my buddies down though. It's not like I was a bump on a log or something, I just kept it toned down a notch or two.

Here's another weird thing that happened. I met a friend of the bride and hung out with her too for part of the 3 days we were there. She was super nice, beautiful, fun, etc. Too bad I live on the other side of the country from her.

I was pretty shy around her until the 'ol liquid courage kicked in which made me realize - I have got to get my confidence up. I have mixed emotions about that part of the experience. In a way I feel ashamed that I was not more aggressive in interacting with her at times when I could tell she wanted me to be. My buddies encouraged me but there was just this feeling in me that made it seem like it was awkward or too early?!

It sucks because I look back now and feel like the impression that she got of me was really not the true me. I can't change that now though and I have decided I'm not going to let it bother me.

If anything it helped me realize that I can get through this and there IS a whole sea out there.

[Quart9]

Just hopped on FB and the young lady that I hung out w/ during the Miami wedding get away asked me to be her friend (expected) so I accepted and then saw where she included pics on her page of her and I that she took with all the other pics during the wedding, bridesmade stuff, etc.

Feeling a little nervous about that. STBXW will see those and so will other friends and fam. Dunno if that is a good thing or bad thing. Don't mind making STBXW a little jealous but I don't think everyone we know know's the whole sitch.

Kinda feel like a jerk too. Tried to mention my sitch to young lady during weekend and she seemed uninterested. I don't know if she already knew about my sitch. I have no pics of STBXW on FB, and I have no relationship status on my profile, but I am still friends on there w/ STBXW. This should be interesting.

[MrBond]

"My buddies encouraged me but there was just this feeling in me that made it seem like it was awkward or too early?!"

Uh no. Could be the fact that you are still married. You still feel that right and wrong ethical choice and for that you should be congratulated. Ain't easy I know. My friends told me the same thing about moving on. But unless they've actually been in our shoes, they'll never understand.

Were you wearing your ring? If you weren't, then you were pretty much broadcasting that you were single and it's not fair to the young lady. But hey, if things dont' work out who knows?

[Cautious]

In response to my earlier post: I think if she has to email him to convince him that what they have "IS" worth it, he's been questioning it. Or she has.

In response to your weekend... don't put too much stock into dating or meeting the right one just yet. It takes a long time to come to acceptance after a divorce (a counselor once told me three years), and you don't want to hurt someone else through your process.

Glad you had a good time, though.

[Quart9]

Mr. Bond thank you as you are always a great voice of reason for me. No I didn't have my wedding ring on and haven't for a while now. I don't think I gave her the wrong impression though, and I am glad I did not pursue her more.

You may be right Cautious about the e-mail. STBXW may have some insecurity about the sitch too and/or it may just be a way of making herself feel better about her decisions.

And you mean acceptance of the D will take three years? It may be that long before I seek another serious relationship but I hope it will not take that long to accept the D. You are right as I don't want to hurt someone else while I'm in the process though. Only time will tell.

On a side note, I've been thinking through my long term goals and kinda revising them. I will post them here.