Tried that in the beginning and he doesn't get it. He says "but I'm not living there"... so guess in the WAH mind, it makes sense not to pay? I was just ignoring the emails for a while since I knew whatever I said would be twisted back against me....but also didn't want to completely ignore it in case that would work against me if we did get lawyers involved. The crazy what ifs are driving me nuts..
So last night finally cracked and sent an email. "Hi" is all it said and he responded the same.. I asked if he was OK but didn't hear back-so communication covered on my end. He hasn't asked about the money after the last email.
Amazing how yours was questioning your half of the bills but not his too. ... hope at least you have some fun budgeted in too !
My dad passed away a few days after my last post so I've been dealing with family stuff... Then while home my mom took a pretty nasty spill and ended up with a concussion so I took a few extra days to make sure she was OK. Feels good to be home and start getting back back to a normal routine again.
Check this out though.. I'm heading home and I get an email from H... Subject: "My Condolences" and then "I'm sorry to hear about your dad's passing." don't know how he found out but that's it? Wow.. what a warm/fuzzy email.. Soon I found out he sent the same exact thing to my brother.. While home thought he might send a note or card or something to my mom since my dad was his father-in-law but nope.. nothing... Today I noticed he was in the house while I was gone though. Took his magazines, and a few little stuff like that. jerk.
I'm looking at starting the legal route this week because I'm just so drained and tired. Bad enough going through losing a parent but then dealing with this at the same time? My birthday is this week so just like Valentine's Day, I'm not expecting anything... but as a present to myself, I'm closing this chapter and starting a new one.. :-)
Rhody5, I'm so sorry about your father's passing. It's terrible to lose a parent, and I understand the pain of your loss. I'm very sorry to hear about it. I'll be thinking of you. Even though my situation (losing a parent) is different from yours, I'll be glad to help you through your grief any way I can. I'm also sorry to hear about your mother's fall. I'm glad that you were able to stay to be with her.
It's too bad your H didn't show more consideration at this time. I hate that he got in the house while you were gone, and I'm sure it bothers you.
When you say you're looking at a legal route, what are you considering?
What day is your birthday?
Again, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of you.
I know.. Who knows how long he was here..he probably slept here this week too. How annoying and what a coward! My b-day is Wednesday but I'm not holding my breath for anything from him.,,but I'll still be hurt when nothing comes though (card, email, visit)
As for legal, meeting with lawyers this week if things slow down and I can get caught up. If not, next week definitely. Just to see options. Wondering what would happen /his reaction of getting served with either sep or divorce papers.. Guess I'll know soon enough.
Hope you have a great week and anything new on your end? I'll catch up on the board soon!
It would annoy me, too, thinking that he might have just made himself at home during your absence. It's totally understandable that you would feel hurt if he doesn't contact you on your birthday. I would feel exactly the same way if my H overlooked mine. Mine is in October, but my H's is coming up in May. I have to decide how I'll handle it when the time comes.
I don't blame you for checking out your options. I know that you're frustrated at this point. It would be very interesting to imagine how your H would react if he got served with something.
As for me, nothing big or worth talking about in detail. Slow, steady progress with my H, but nothing remarkable or that hints toward reconciliation yet. I started a new thread (Number 8's Mistakes, Revelations, and New Methods, I think). Again, nothing earth-shattering, but things haven't taken a turn for the worse (knock on wood).
Please keep me posted on things. And I meant it when I said I'll help any way I can. Have a good week, and I'll be thinking of you.
Soo.. Looks like I am closing this chapter and looking forward to my next relationship. Went to finally file a complaint against the therapist and there was already an investigation open. Turns out it's in writing from the state's Counseling Board.. she ended therapy with my soon to be ex-H in July and less than a month later started a "romantic relationship" with him that ended in October 2009.
Now the sudden moving out in August makes sense. and when I found the following email the night he moved out I figured it but he kept denying it- saying it was only a flirty relationship. email entitled "if we only could" .. he writes "I have to shower.. alone :-( here's her response. I was blown out of the water:
If I were there I would love to take a shower with you. I would wash you all over- one place in particular- before bending over and taking you in from behind. You can plan on many many showers together in our future.”
you know he was getting some stellar therapy that year leading up to this.
when I saw it, I forwarded it on both of them saying hi, I'm Rhody5, H's wife. Thanks for this email, it clarifies a lot." I got an emotional email back from him saying i ruined his life, she doesn't want to see him again.. apparently, guess that wasn't true for too long.
And why he came crying back in November makes sense. Guessing she dumped his sorry butt. So he was sleeping with her even through out anniversary in September....nice..
but why the heck deny it- he was denying it straight up through yesterday until I got the confirmation.
she interestingly only got a slap on the wrist - she is to attend therapy, be monitored by a supervisor, attend some "moral boundaries" class and then write a paper on what she learned over the past year.
So I learned a lot though this experience and DB, DR, and this message board have taught me so many valuable things for my next relationship. I'm just not going to even try to make this one work any longer.. even woke up to the following post from his sister on one of the social media sites "Thinking about how person chooses dogs over her marriage and tries to play victim. get a grip bitch...'
Rhody5! So good to hear from you! You've been on my mind, and I hope that you've been hanging in there. Is your mom doing well? How about your brother?
How incredible that there was already an investigation open! Everything about that situation is unbelievable. I have no idea how you held it together when you saw the e-mail proof. And he tried to say YOU ruined HIS life?? Unreal.
Am I understanding this correctly--she gets to keep her job and her license to treat people? Seriously?
I understand your wanting to move forward. You have been hurt and betrayed, and that post you saw this morning tells you what your H is telling others. Good luck with things. Please keep me updated on everything.
Hi Number 8!! Just put the whole issue aside for a while so didn't have anything to report but feels good to see at least things are moving forward.
mom and bro and everyone all fine.. Brother even had a baby daughter last month.. soooo cute!
I know, right? I was surprised she is still practicing! OK, so she has a supervisor assigned to her and then she has to go to therapy.. but what's wrong with that picture? What quality counseling are you getting at that point?
Since I added my complaint to it, I don't know if that changes things but either way, i sent them an email in August so she knew he was married but yet they continued.
The post was funny though b/c the dogs are the problem. No one bolts a marriage over messy dogs.. Umm.. hello, other issues going on.
Glad that your mom and brother are doing well, especially since there's a new baby in the family. How are YOU holding up since your father passed? I remember very little about the time right after my mother died. I was quite the zombie.
Maybe your new information will change things for this therapist's consequences. Her behavior is BEYOND inappropriate, and what's to stop her from doing something like this again? Her choices and actions affected so many lives and ruined a marriage. So ridiculous!
I'm with you--dogs are never the reason a marriage ends! I think it's hilarious that he's putting that information out there, especially because he wants people to think that you chose dogs over him. I wonder if he'll eventually convince himself that this is the truth.
I'm doing pretty well, I guess. My H is still at his mother's house, so we haven't had much change. He still thinks everything is hopeless, so no progress there. I have been seeing a counselor, and she's been very helpful. You could skim over my thread for details if you want them: it's Number 8's Revelations, Mistakes, and New Methods.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend, and have fun with the dogs! Boxer dog and I are having an excellent weekend together. I can't think of a better companion!
