Young Couple, WAW, Kids, Individual Problems

[MarkG]

I'm still trying to decipher things from yesterday. I don't understand how I can give suggestions to other people regarding conversations with a WAS but when mine sends even short messages I flip, although I have to say I haven't gotten many so trying to 180 with those isn't really a much practiced habit yet. There are a few questions I have for my W that I won't ask - What would the answer have been if I told her the truth that I was lonely & miserable, etc.? What if I lied? What if I asked her why she was asking? If she had said she was genuinely concerned, which I would not believe, and I countered with what I imagined saying, "You made it clear it's not our jobs to keep each other company so don't worry about it," how much trouble would I have gotten in? Speaking of, if she does want to R in the future because she's lonely is that line fair game then? Yes, I know, spare the sarcasm.... Sometimes I hate double standards.

[MarkG]

I've had limited time to use computers for anything outside work/school this week, but at least I finally made it back. Hopefully I don't get too preoccupied next week....

Things have gotten better for the most part. W's bday was 2-28, I was thinking about how she ruined my bday by chasing me down for $ she thought I owed her so she could bail OM out of jail. I resisted the temptation to bother the everliving [censored] out of her. OM's bday was yesterday, it came, it went, and I did pretty well with the thoughts about it.

W also contacted me regarding her computer - apparently I am still her computer tech for free. I reformatted it for her, gave it back, there was still a problem, so I'm going to have to re-do it. So where does this fall in boundaries? With having hardly any contact I had the thought that using this to have contact that was business only, but my second guess on this is that I know she's using me. So do I continue doing things like that for her when they're not that far out of my way? Since we split I have been paying for her storage unit - that is going to stop now. I have decided she is going to be financially responsible for herself 100%, and idk why it took me so long to cut this out. I still have to tell her but I'm going to wait til the computer thing is over. Things are of course rocky so I want to deal 1 situation at a time.

I didn't see D5's counselor for a few weeks, but finally met with her Friday. She is putting in a referral for me to get IC at my request, and thinks this is a huge step. This is 2 weeks after I had made the decision, but better late then never.

Things are still rocky with my parents because we still haven't had any of the talks that need to happen. We had more disagreements this weekend, which just goes and puts things farther & farther behind. I really don't see anything improving in communication while I still live there. I have 2 months to hang on before graduation, hopefully that gets me to a point I can move out and support myself. I have a feeling my dad has that "omg my son is 28 and living at home" outlook on the situation and that's what's really getting in the way before anything else. I hope that's it because it's fixable in the somewhat near future, and that's pretty much what's dragging me down. Unfortunately I lost quite a lot of respect for myself when I moved back in, which I knew would happen.

I'll try to keep in touch, hope everyone is doing well.

[MarkG]

W's computer is fixed, so far all communication since then has been calm. What's bothering me now is D5's questions and comments. Tonight she told me she wants a certain movie when she gets to move back home (with mom). Then she asked if I was coming with her when she did, and all I could say is I don't think so. When she asked why not I told her she needed to ask mom that. Not long after she talked to her mom on the phone, no questions or anything for her, then after getting off the phone she said "Mom thinks she's marrying OM". We got interrupted by my mom so we didn't get to finish the conversation. I really don't think D5 is going to bring this up to W. I think next time I'm asked if I'm going to move in with her when she goes back to mom's I'm going to tell her not while OM is there. Is this a good or bad idea? I'm just trying to figure out how much is too much for a 5 year old. At the same time I think we've crossed that point already when she's bringing back the news from mom's house like she is.